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Where have all the fit and interesting men gone part 12a

1001 replies

lou33 · 30/09/2009 08:39

seeing as there has been discussion about using 13

(not that it bothers me)

i feel sorry for myself my back is still playing up, and i just tripped and made it hurt in the usual lower back place

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite · 14/10/2009 20:30

It's horrible. I really feel for you, it's part of the reason I was single for ages, I just didn't want to go through this again. You do get over it though, it's hard. Yours sounds like a twat, he doesn't know what he's missing.

thesouthsbelle · 14/10/2009 20:49

yeah so they keep telling me.

notevenamousie · 14/10/2009 20:52

Belle
I am so sorry, you must feel horrible. I know I did in May despite the bloke in question being all wrong. I hope that you will brighten up with DS - not in a forced, must be normal, way - in a natural, life is ok even if this is all it is, way. I think it is good to let down the barriers ( so please don't beat yourself up about that, it is a good thing about your personality, I really believe this) - definitely better to have loved and lost in my book - it shows you are still a kind and caring and loving person. His loss. I hope you can get angry in time - is the only way to heal, I have found. I am angry with him for you - how dare he mess you about like this. There will be someone better and worthy. Honestly there will.

I am still vomiting, though DD is thankfully fine again. My boss is being great, my best friend is taking dd to nursery tomorrow, I will be home being sick probably. NM is in Eastern Europe with work and being very very lovely given the limitations of distance. I am falling in love with him... is that foolish of me??

thesouthsbelle · 14/10/2009 20:59

mousie- i'm angry with him as well, and me, he asked if I thought he'd messed me about er... doesn't it really matter what the hell I think about that?

i'm more angry with myself. he keeps telling me I should be angry at him not me.

FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite · 14/10/2009 20:59

You must have learned something positive through this belle? I know you are hurting at the moment, I wish I could help I really do. Something good must have come out of it though, are you more open to meet someone? Remember the good stuff rather then the crap, this might help a little??

thesouthsbelle · 14/10/2009 21:01

glad your boss is ok, & hope you're feeling better soon.

thesouthsbelle · 14/10/2009 21:03

tbh it's just reinforced what I knew before I met him. which is sad but the way forward for me from now I think.

FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite · 14/10/2009 21:05
Sad
lou33 · 14/10/2009 21:13

whatever you do, dont let him turn it round into you making him feel better about his behaviour

if he says he feels bad, let him, do not tell him its ok or anything like that

you are allowed to be pissed off and there is no reason why he shouldnt be aware of the fact

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thesouthsbelle · 14/10/2009 21:17

oh he will be don't worry.

he wants to walk then fuck him he can walk. I don't need him in my life. (am doing the all talk bit at the mo btw! lol)

on the other hand thou have been advised to lay it on the line for him so he knows where i'm coming from as it might of been cos I wasn't v open with him etc, but then again he's made his choice apparently. when I said I don't know if this is some sort of test or his final decision he said 'a test to see your reaction?what on earth? not goodness that would be v low of anyone to do that'

god knows.

lou33 · 14/10/2009 21:41

i wouldnt bother personally, he has given a lot of different "reasons" one being your dc, to me i would think he didnt deserve any more of my time wasted on him

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FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite · 14/10/2009 21:47

If you don't want the same things then there's no chance though. If he can't even meet you half way then there's no chance, compromise is good if it's on both sides. If he can't do this then he's just not the right person for you. You are better off finding this out now rather then a few more months etc down the line.

Haunty27 · 14/10/2009 21:48

Sorry you're hurting Belle. He doesn't deserve you or your ds.

dontouchTHEMUMMYSpecialjuice · 14/10/2009 22:16

belle

sorry your in a bad place.

he really doesn't deserve you.

dont make him feel better about his shitty behaviour.. and dont feel bad to stand up and tell him he's being a grade A prick.

to everyone else.

just skimmed and thought would give belle a wee

back to my studying.

thesouthsbelle · 14/10/2009 22:18

thanks juicy he's enroute now.

I MUST NOT CRY!!! I MUST NOT CRY!!!! have just redone my mascara. lol.

he's coming to get me n we're going out, but have decided i'll be driving, not gonna get stuck having to listen to his shite.

time to be the bad ass mutha.

FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite · 14/10/2009 22:20

I'd have some space, give yourself some time away from him. He wants to make him feel better by the sounds of things, it's not for your benefit. I hope it's OK though if you do go.

Mine's just sent me a text from home, maybe the penny's dropping hey!

lou33 · 14/10/2009 22:25

are you letting him come see you?

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rumdontbotherreplyingmum · 14/10/2009 23:19

quick update from me....
met chap from POF... emailed.. texted.. chatted.. FF 1 week, seen him twice... seeing him again tomorrow when the kids are at their dads... Have died and gone to heaven! he is so nice, but don't panic.. I'm playing it cool lol... not felt this way for over 20 years!

FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite · 14/10/2009 23:33

I hope it goes OK for you!

thesouthsbelle · 15/10/2009 07:44

sorry yes he came over - well I drove us out on the hill sat n talked for about 4 hours, not sure what''s been achieved my head is spinning pretty much, I was honest with him totally, he said I was brave told him a lot more about me n why I am how I am, he also shared as well. he's again not sure, hasn't decided, but says he owes it to me to think about it all. I said he owes me nothing.

He said he's ashamed of how he's been y'day (well said today), I said yep you're an ass, he said don't say that and laugh, I basically said well what do u expect/want? he's promised to see me over the weekend. says he wants to see me again b4 next week, I basically just looked n he said u don't expect me to do u - I said no. which he didn't seem to like at all, think he could see the hurt in my eyes.

he came in the house after & we talked a bit more then I kicked him out about half 2, said he didn't want to crash on the sofa.

said he wasn't sure how to say goodnight, gave me a huge hug, said do what u want to, he gave me a peck, I said you're not conformable, he said only cos of my behaviour. Said I don't think any think i've said will make any difference to him/the situation. We shall see. All his texts save the one after the chat last night didn't have any kisses on the end. the v final one did.

He wanted to know how I knew what he was like - how do you explain to someone you can just tell, you can read them, said I thought he was like a little lost boy trying to find his way, scared and unsettled but all he wants is to find home/be settled. He said that's about right how do you know. Says it's so hard cos he's really into me & really likes me but other things are clouding his thoughts - have realised it's not just DS, he's uncomfortable re XH, mostly as we've never discussed it. I made a few things crystal with DS as well.

Managed to not cry as wel - well welled up once but stopped myself. Now just gotta try and pull my shite together long enough to get thru the day!

mum - good luck.

thesouthsbelle · 15/10/2009 07:52

also said to him if I was him, in his shoes, i'd run away as fast as my legs could take me, i'd not want to have/take on someone with responsibilities, he said that's an awful thing to say about yourself - wasn't per se but was simply saying if I could up and leave my life and go back to being young free single with no crap then I would like a shit - but I can't so don't blame him at all.

thesouthsbelle · 15/10/2009 07:55

shot not shit need to go and pick DS up.

witcheseve · 15/10/2009 10:03

Belle, try not to feel like this. Your DC's are worth more than some guy. I know it's hard believe me and I'm a lot further down the parenting line than you are. I felt like you only last year, before this thread started. Then put things into perspective and realised that he wasn't worth it. Also you are continuing to let this guy mess you around. Sorry to say that but don't let him. Don't see him or contact him, he is probably trying to manipulate you into the friends with benefits situation until he meets someone else.

Saying this I do feel that I've put DD first for all these years and have just had to miss out on a great chance to get away because she couldn't accept that I was doing something without her.

thesouthsbelle · 15/10/2009 10:37

don't worry not gonna be talking to him until after sat earliest once i've got my head together.

witcheseve · 15/10/2009 10:47

Changed my mind about my trip, had to make a snap decision so am off on holiday with a mate end of November, leaving DD behind. She has been back tracking and told me I should go.

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