sorry yes he came over - well I drove us out on the hill sat n talked for about 4 hours, not sure what''s been achieved my head is spinning pretty much, I was honest with him totally, he said I was brave told him a lot more about me n why I am how I am, he also shared as well. he's again not sure, hasn't decided, but says he owes it to me to think about it all. I said he owes me nothing.
He said he's ashamed of how he's been y'day (well said today), I said yep you're an ass, he said don't say that and laugh, I basically said well what do u expect/want? he's promised to see me over the weekend. says he wants to see me again b4 next week, I basically just looked n he said u don't expect me to do u - I said no. which he didn't seem to like at all, think he could see the hurt in my eyes.
he came in the house after & we talked a bit more then I kicked him out about half 2, said he didn't want to crash on the sofa.
said he wasn't sure how to say goodnight, gave me a huge hug, said do what u want to, he gave me a peck, I said you're not conformable, he said only cos of my behaviour. Said I don't think any think i've said will make any difference to him/the situation. We shall see. All his texts save the one after the chat last night didn't have any kisses on the end. the v final one did.
He wanted to know how I knew what he was like - how do you explain to someone you can just tell, you can read them, said I thought he was like a little lost boy trying to find his way, scared and unsettled but all he wants is to find home/be settled. He said that's about right how do you know. Says it's so hard cos he's really into me & really likes me but other things are clouding his thoughts - have realised it's not just DS, he's uncomfortable re XH, mostly as we've never discussed it. I made a few things crystal with DS as well.
Managed to not cry as wel - well welled up once but stopped myself. Now just gotta try and pull my shite together long enough to get thru the day!
mum - good luck.