where have all the fit and interesting men gone part.....9? isit 9?

[ridingjoker]

ooooh i get to start the thread.
unless i'm being thick and cant find it.

lou - go on send me a pic of dark horse i'm so nosey.

ninah - i think thats really rude of your friend. if she didn't have anything nice to say she shouldn't have said anything at all.

cheers
and less calories than dessert

cant we have both?

i thought we all wanted to have our cake and eat it?

well I'm tempted

you know you want to

even if it's really bad for me
actually forget Bridget Jones I'm crawling on the floor like Amy Winehouse

cake is always good

not too home made though

oh i dunno about that

morning!
so ninah its making your mind up time here lol
any more thoughts in the cold light of day?

morning - I know it's off topic but I am feeling really pissed off about exh situtation - mainly in that he screwed up our marriage by his actions (though I have no regrets about being out of it) and in particular made our financial position (and mine and kids current housing position precarious).

Yet he now pontificate, criticise and looks down his nose from his safe little Boden type middle class bubble. He has never truly acknowledged to me or reflected on (as far as I know) how he behaved during and esp towards the end of things. It was all brushed under the carpet and he went around telling people that 'we had grown apart'. Of course that's true and you do put a gloss on things. Bur realistically few with such young children ( 4 & 9) would break up a marriage just because of that.

I hope people read between the lines because on the surface he is so plausible. But isn't that on of the signs of an abusive man?

I'm not seeing my counsellor this week unfortunately and I don't want to involve samename in it because it's too soon and not fair on him.

But yes that's what really rankles. It's really so very unfair.

I do know ultimately he is not happy inside and hasn't been for most of his life though.

Much sympathies here scl.

Th unfairness of it all - your XH sounds very much like my XP (although without the OCD side of things which I appreciate is an added stress). Mine behaved appallingly to me, very cruel.

I would like to assure you people WILL see through it but these men are very good at being plausible and reasonable - on the surface so I totally understand your frustration.

Mine is being unpleasant about access - essentially demanding he get what he wants, standard behaviour for him. And apparently I must be conciliatory and reasonable and self-effacing at all times otherwise it will be used against me.

You just feel like banging your head against a brick wall, don't you? When all you are trying to do is what's best for your DC's.

thanks janos. It just really gets me down. They have also told dss they are taking them to get clothes for their summer hol. On the surface that looks a nice gesture but I do believe that it's because he thinks I don't provide proper clothing for them.

In fact DS1 has a very nice collection of tshirts and polos. And of course they had clothes for their holiday last year.

Exh has made comments in the past about 'chavvy' (I would say street smart/urban). Think he wants them looking like something out of an Enid Blyton novel. It appears new P is of same ilk.

I know I usually let it all ride over me. He's a pompous arse.

And DCs notice the discrepancy between ours and exhs lifestyle.

ohh god the spectre of the dreaded ex again!
grrr he's making me cross now!
he'd thoroughly disapprove of my boys gear too
but then like you i'm all for footie shirts etc,easy to wash and quick to dry lol
i pity his twins and the life they'll lead

Oh yes the dreaded ex.

Mine is a company director and owns 3 properties with his wife. I live in a council flat.

He's all about the lifestyle and looking good.

he sounds horribly familiar to me on some points scl, and yes i would say it was the sign of an abusive man

exh can come over as utterly reasonable when he wants to but he keeps his bitter outbursts for me, though he is now telling my girls stuff regarding how he feels about me as well

i see it as his last shred of pathetic attempts to try and have some kind of effect on me

he wont believe or accept anything he did either, he thinks i just got bored and woke up one morning to end the marriage (conveniently forgetting the years beforehand i tried to get him to listen to why we werent going to make it if things didnt change)

as an aside, darkhorse is coming over tomorrow to do handyman things and i am seeing batman on friday evening

hopefully by saturday i will have a clearer idea of what or who i want to continue seeing (if either of them )

exh had me in tears after a phone convo about a couple of hours ago. He's a taker and I am drained by him.

Wish I had never set eyes on him in some ways. Tho of course don't regret the dcs.

Sorry need to get back on the track of the thread.

At times like this need exbf - he seemed to understand - well made the right noises at least.

he is emotionally abusive although I still find that idea hard to deal with.

Your exh is being a total prat by telling stuff about you to your dds. What on earth does he think that will achieve.

ikwym scl, my exbf was good like that too

he genuinely thinks he was the wronged man, he tells them that when they are older they will find out "the truth" from him

you have to laugh really

yes he did understand having had quite alot of experience and just generally being sympathetic where family matters concerned.

I did reciprocate by listening and helping him with his dcs who he had lost contact with.

exbf still is good at defusing me when i need it has to be said

has he been in touch much since he has been in Thailand, Lou?

lost, janos are you sure we haven't all been breeding with the same man?
lost I know how you feel, we had 'nice' clothes given to dc. I must admit I am just bloody grateful I don't have to buy them. When I told him I was struggling on what he provided he passed me some vouchers he'd got free with his credit card so that helped a bit ...
the lifestyle thing hurts if you dwell on it. My ex is also completely plausible provided you meet him on a superficial level. He told everyone in his local pub I was an alcoholic and we led seperate lives, that's right he was the one in the pub, and told his gf he was shagging while I was pregnant that dd was a 'drunken mistake' as we didn't really have sex. Actually I'm going to stop here as thinking about it makes me so upset. However, you are not alone, I understand! grrrrr
rj missed your question earlier, the where we are going convo happened a whle ago on hols, I told him I wanted to be married with family and he was really surprised but said he could - probably - do that. We were both a bit wasted tho. NB I am NOT an alcoholic! We have both got used to the single life tho, is very yours and mine, dc complicated - it would take a lot of doing, I def want this but not sure he is the lucky chap
in the cold light of day I have decided I do really like him and may well count my blessings for the moment as meeting someone else would make me feel horribly dishonest
tho I do fancy a night out with friends

ninah - sounds like he could be what your looking for. but he's keeping one foot firmly on dry land incase a little further down the line your relationship goes tits up as still early days. sounds like eh's a bit wary of ANY relationship i'd say. not just something more commited with yuou.

oh lost
I think you will care less over time if that helps
sorry my computer is so slow, it's hard to keep up
is about 3 years for me now and while ex loved it when I still felt something for him he is clearly shaken now that I just drop dc and run