I just don't care anymore, I cannot be bothered

[CrackerNut]

About anything.

I feel so drained of life, like someone tipped me upside down and shook out any hopes and dreams I had and replaced them with everyone elses 'stuff'.

Thanks Lulu, I have taken steps to getting voluntary work and have applied for college but there is no point discussing it on here anymore if this is what people think of me.

GossipMonger, were you someone else before ? Meant to ask you that on the other thread .

well, i would like to know more

maybe if you had said

'I have got some voluntary work lined up and applied for XYZ jobs, but for some reason I still feel really down and unmotivated, can you help me feel better?'

the response would have been different

however, i am sure that everyone who has posted has your best interests at heart and is just giving some 'tough love'

yes i was

tough love is tough! and it is only cos I care!!

The course is the childcare course that I got onto last year but then I got offered the job so chose that instead.

The voluntary work isn't definate yet as I only emailed the playgroups today.

Thanks for being interested

Going to bugger off this thread though now, cos when the replies make me cry so much I feel sick, then I think thats a sign to leave.

Who were you then ?

Lulumama, you are always so kind and patient

best of luck with it nutty. you will get there. make sure you do something lovely tomorrow, hopefully the sun will be shining again and you can get some fresh air.buy yourself a bunch of daffodils or soemthng dry your tears, take some deep breaths and tomorrow is another day , sleep well

thank you mrsR..

I hadn't been on in a while & then I came back a couple of weeks ago, changed to this name for a thread & haven't changed back yet..but I was just wondering how you were getting on Nutty!!

I remember chatting to you a lot when you were applying for courses last year (maybe longer ago than that though, I can't remember!) You were quite low at that time too & hadn't got much confidence Sorry to see you're not much further forward now.

I'm glad you have started the ball rolling re: voluntary work.. at the time I was posting to you before I was in the middle of a degree course..I have since graduated & taken up a post which I love.. I really love.

It gives the day a sense of purpose to get up knowing I'm going to do something that makes a difference to someone, knowing that I'm setting an example to my children.

You can have that too! And I know, in time, you will have.

Stay strong x

Thank you Connie.

On reflection, I think that maybe it is time I stopped posting personal stuff on here for good. My posts obviously irritate people and I am crap at trying to stop myself posting about personal things and just post light hearted stuff.

I post things on here that I would never ever tell to anyone I know. I'd never have said any of what is in this thread to anyone in rl cos I am not close enough to anyone to tell them things like that. I bottle things up and then use mn as a way to let it all out.

I feel some of the posts on this thread were uncalled for and that if you were so fed up of me then why post unless to deliberatly offend/upset ?

I am not flouncing, as no doubt i'd fail at that to and give you all something else to roll your eyes at.

I hope that non of you are ever in the position where you have absolutly no one who you can talk to, because i'd not wish it on my worst enemy.

Nutty (was MummytoSteven, so have followed your threads over the years!) - what do you actually want to do though? What I wonder is whether you went down the Healthcare course/job route because you felt it was a good sort of job, something you should do rather than really wanted to do it? do you really want to do childcare? you sounded happiest when at your retail job - if it's not possible to get childcare out of school, maybe some sort of voluntary work in a charity shop/hospital shop or fundraising might be more your thing?

Nutty, do keep posting. I've had days/weeks/months feeling like you do and sometimes (mostly!) it feels like one long slog...

People on here are your friends. The tough love doesn't necessarily register when you are down... I'm in a similar position to you, if I stop and think too much I'd go bonkers. I need to fill my 6 hours a day, money is v tight and I want a whole different life too! For the past 2 days I have been manically swimsuit hunting, because it gets me out of the house and I feel better. The alternative is sitting at home on here, which I can do for hours.....

You sound like you've got some good options ahead of you. Really, you need to fill your days between now and September. You could speak to the dc's school whilst you are waiting to hear back from the playgroups and offer to go in? Maybe you can plan your days so that you have at least one thing for you on each day - library for book/dvd, go and buy your daffs like Lulu suggested, meet someone (anyone!) for a coffee. It's really hard not to be dragged down, especially when you have no-one to off-load to in the evenings.

Try to be kind to yourself and keep talking on here (just put a disclaimer in saying 'this is a venting post, no constructive advice required' ).

nutty I have been here for years and have seen you make so many plans but then not sticking with them, and it saddens me because I think that you are very intelligent, and kind-hearted, and you could do so much more with your life.

You showed so much get-up-and-go when you got yourself the bigger house and when you split up with your dp, now try and channel that into doing something positive with your life! Why don't you take the exercising thing, start running for example, maybe do the Race for Life as an incentive?

I really like you and I would not want you to leave MN, but it would be one of the greatest MN moments of all time to have a thread started by you with the title "I have found my purpose in life"

Cracker, don't know any of your history and don't need to, just wanted to send you some strength and hope things pick up for you. Anyone who comes on here feeling low is entitled to a bit of encouragement, so hope you feel better soon

please see your gp, you posts really do sound like you are depressed. you need to be proactive and help yourself. Medication could be useful to get you back on track.Do it for youself and your kids, good luck.

I really wish people would stop telling me to see my gp, for my kids sake.

I have been depressed so I do know what it is like and I am not. I think there is a difference between being depressed and being fed up.

I meant what I said earlier I'm here to listen, you don't have to do this alone, we will support you.

You are luckier than most imo your life is fab in lots of ways.

Don't stop talking, don't bottle it up, we're not fed up of you, you don't annoy me and im not fustrated with you.

I know you probably wanted us to come on here and say there there yes isn't your life shit but if you write down everything that is good, bad and coule be improved in your life I think you would find it's really not that bad, yes it could be improved but imo your lack of confidence is holding you back and until you are ready to address that with help I can't see you moving much further forward tbh and it's a shame because you really are a lovely genuine person with a lot to offer.

If I'm totally honest I think you need to change your gp, get some ad's see a counsellor (one that you like) go out and meet people. I know you have reasons/ excuses for why this stuff isn't possible but I know if you set your mind to doing things you could do them. Please get the help you need so you can do the things that will make you truely 100% happy. Don't give up, life's too short, you're too young, too pretty to just give up on your life.

If you want to chat/ vent anytime give me a shout xxxxxxxx

Like I said earlier, I don't need a counsellor or to see my gp.

I started this thread cos i'd had a bad few days for various reasons. I didn't ask for advice on jobs, getting out, or seeing my gp, but then people jumped on me because I was moaning and just focused onh the fact I gave up the job.

I am sick to death of people telling me that I make excuses, or give up at the first hurdle. You are not here, you don't know what goes on in my life 24/7.

Alot of other people on mn are allowed to vent to their hearts content but then some apparently are not.

You're prob not going to chat to me again anyway so I may as well say what I like (I've had a drink so this may not come out as well as I'd like)

I think you are in denial, you are either depressed or on the verge of being depressed. You are defensive, you think no-one understands, no-one has ever been there, no-one has lived your life, no-one understands what it's like to be a single mum with a bastard of an ex. Well we do, we've been there, we've come out the other side and are stronger and happier for it, we want to help others who are having a shit time because as women who care that's what we do, you can choose to throw it back in our faces but it won't stop us trying to help.

You don't have to talk to me you don't have to see a counsellor or your gp, you don't even have to change your life or meet more people. You don't have to listen to people on this thread or get more confidence.

You do have to do what makes you happy though, It's all any of us wants.

When you think about what you want for your kids, I bet your top priority is for them to be happy right? So do you think your mum wants you to be happy? I know you are close to your mum, why don't you talk to her if you can't talk to anyone else?

Sorry but who the hell are you to tell me what I think ????

All of those things you just said 'i think' are wrong.

And I am not close to my mum, which just proved my point about you all not knowing as much as you seem to think you do.

Plus i think I am allowed to be defensive when I start a thread and get spoken to like crap just becausxe people are fed up of hearing it. I didn't make anyone read or post.

I maybe wrong about some things but you are on the defensive and I am right about that.

Like I said, wouldn't you be defensive if you started a thread and everyone jumped on you ??

I'm defensive, you are right, well done.

yes I would of course i would but I don't think everyone has jumped on you and I really honestly didn't jump on you earlier yet you were really defensive then.

I really hope you do manage to find some happiness because i think you deserve it more than you think you do

Stop being so angry with us for trying to help, ok?

What am i supposed to say ? Oh its ok, you all spoke to me like shite and jumped on me but thats ok ??

I might be low in cofidence but i won't be treated like that.

all things pass good and bad.

Oh you're the same nutty who got the house I remember that when I had another name

I know how you feel nutty, my 2 dss are at school and I'm trying to get back into the workforce. It can be hard (very) when you haven't done it for a while. I've just started looking at voluntary too and am waiting to hear back. I couldn't do charity shops I don't think as sorting the clothes would put me off I'd love to work with the elderly or children.

Keep posting please as that's what mumsnet's here for.