I just don't care anymore, I cannot be bothered

[CrackerNut]

About anything.

I feel so drained of life, like someone tipped me upside down and shook out any hopes and dreams I had and replaced them with everyone elses 'stuff'.

I'm sorry but this thread is pathatic i really hope known of you have a few shit days and need some tlc - yes CN might have had a few more than other but hell she's had lots of shite to cope with..

CN i know i witter on about shit to you in life but i am and always be here for you xx

Oh you do indeed witter on about shit FD but it is interesting shit

JD - I have volunteered to some playgroups. One got back to me today to say thanks but no thanks and am waiting to hear from another one. There aren't that many rond here anymore for some reason.

Nutty I want to say something supportive to you but am not really sure what to say.

I think you should ignore to some extent the people who seem to think you are a 'project' to be helped, and who get ticked off when you don't follow their advice. Their frustration is not your problem IYSWIM.

You are entitled to have an off few days and vent without all the past baggage coming to the fore.

What do you think would make your life better? I suppose by asking that question I am trying to find out what it is you think would make you happy, give you peace of mind.

For me for example the main thing would be to have a permanent home (am privately renting). I don't know if that will ever happen so in the meantime I am being philosophical about it and thinking well in the big scheme of things does that really matter? And in my day to day life it doesnt because as long as I pay my rent then my dcs and I do have a a roof over our head. Its not ideal but it's also not the worst thing.

So we get by for now and believe me I am lurching from one crisis to the next.

I also wonder if I would like a partner again (the jury's out on that one) but what I do actually relish is the current freedom I have without having to pander to a partner or live with a controlling abusive twat. But the flipside of that is shouldering the burden (and boy it feels big) and not having anyone to share things with.

Then work - I have always worked full time but that's not always the ideal - each morning I struggle (esp in winter) to actually get out of bed and then not go home again but instead most days I do go into work. It's a grind but I get alot of social interaction from it. But I often long for days alone at home.

where you are now may just be a stage. From what I can see you are a young (didn have my first dc till I was 36), fit , attractive woman with many possibilities. I think there is alot of mileage in the saying - you don't see what I see. And thats' what I see with you.

Hope that helps.

I'm sorry if you feel I've gotten to you, I haven't meant to. I hope things work out for you

hope you find something to cheer you up soon thought you might like this

Sincity , I read your post last night but was a bit past sober by then so thought i'd wait until now to reply.

I totally agree with the saying 'you don't see what I see'. I would never presume to know everything that was going on in someones life or how they were handling things, which is exactly what a lot of people on this thread did.

For example, unbeknown to them, I have already applied for the college course I got accepted on last Sept. When I applied last year I finally felt comfortable with what I was going to do, but then the job at the hospital came up and my mum was so enthusiastic about me doing it that I felt I couldn't not apply. Plus obviously it would get all those off my back who think single mums are scroungers. What I should have done, was what I wanted to do and not what I thought everyone else wanted me to do.

As soon as I realised that the job wasn't going to work out, I tried to join a new childcare course and even secured a placement for it in a really nice nursery school. Trouble was, only 8 people signed up for the course and so it was dropped.

As Emkana very nicely pointed out, I have started college before and given up. Yes I have but that was a totally different course, this one is one I have wanted to do since I left school, but i was turned down for it then as I only got 2 gcses above a C.

So, as I was saying, when I started this thread I already knew what I had planned for the furture wrt working etc, and had already applied to playgroups for voluntary work (which gossipmonger actually knew), and had printed off the forms for an OU course in Maths.
Thats why I am so angry that I was jumped on for doing 'nothing'.

As for having a bloke, yup I hate being single, but I settled for 2nd best last time and it isn't something I intend to do again. If that means I will always be single then thats fine.
As you say Sincity, shouldering the burden alone is bloody hard, and some days just the responsibility of that is exhausting and thats on a normal week.

I didn't start this thread wanting people to come on and wave a magic wand, I just wanted a bit of a rant after a rough few days thats all.

I'm very sorry that I upset you, and I wish you the best of luck for all your plans.

I am sorry too.

I was just trying to help.

x

Hi CrackerNut sorry you are feeling a bit fed.Just wanted to say i think i know exactly where your coming from.Correct me if i am wrong.The way i read your post is that you just wanted to share some thought and feelings generally not about any one particular thing.

I think some of the others have been unfair.Im glad to read on here that a lot of the lone parents seem happy and are plodding along nicely but that isnt the case for everyone.

I for one dont have many friends(lost most of them when i was with ex),dont have a job and dont have much money to get out and about.Its hard to stay positive about anything when you are constantly rejected for jobs including voluntary work(yes im still looking for a voluntary place),when you have no money to take the children for days out and when you only have children to talk to all day.I just miss being able to vent off to someone about my day i dont mean a partner necessarily just anyone or someone to share days out with or just a conversation with an adult.

Today i have taken the boys to the park and been to the shop but the fact still remains that like you when i close the front door behind me for the day im still as fed up as i was yesterday.

Fed up i meant.

Sorry that wasnt very positive can you tell i cant be bothered anymore as well.To be honest it was nice getting out in the sun today and we did have a laugh in the park.I also attend a weight watchers meeting once a week not terribly exciting but it gets me out of the house.

hi cracker

never give up looking and hoping for what you want, its all out there somewhere. and dont let these dull old days get you down too much, spring is lurking and everything'll look far better soon.

and make the most of whatever free time you can get. once you start working or studying there'll never be enough time for yourself. i've had three days holiday in the last six months and would be glad of a break, so enjoy it while you can.

hope you find something interesting - voluntary or paid - is all good for you. just fending for the kids can become dull and then some. ive done more dodgy jobs than i'll ever admit to but its all helped keep me reasonably sane.

have a great week whatever youre doing.

I just happened to notice your thread, and I don't know your history as others seem to do, but I just wanted to say that whilst sometimes it can be nice to have people trying to help you out with specific problems, even though it's well-intentioned, sometimes it is done without too much knowledge of the situation. For example, the library job that was posted by someone further up saying "here you go, what about this". It caught my eye because I have a degree in information & library management so have much experience in libraries and the interviewing process. Unless you have experience in a library or a library qualification, then you would be unlikely to get an interview for that. There is actually a lot of competition for jobs in libraries believe it or not! So it is unrealistic for people to post suggestions of jobs unless they have some knowledge of the field it's in, no matter how low-level the job appears to be to outsiders.

It can also be a bit of a vicious circle regarding positions that need NVQs. To get the NVQ in the first place, you need to be in a placement, and they are not that easy to arrange sometimes for various reasons, even for someone who doesn't have the problems the OP has. You DO have to keep pounding away at these things, but it doesn't really help when people post with things like "Well, just get the NVQ then" as if it's just a walk in the park.

Personally, without knowing any details, what I would suggest is that if you feel your options are limited by only having 2 GCSEs grade C+, then take babysteps and maybe focus on just doing 1 or 2 GCSEs in college FIRST to get your basic qualification level up. It would also improve your self-esteem and social life a bit too. Who knows, you may even meet a nice fella?

It can be hard sometimes to point out to people why something they suggest is legitimately not for you due to whatever reason without coming across as negative. Some people are naturally more optimistic and would apply for job after job when someone who is more of a realist would know that they wouldn't stand a chance of getting an interview, never mind the job, so would save themselves the effort of doing all the forms etc.

I think the key, as somone said, is to find something that YOU want to do, as long as it is doable, even if it means you have to do it in little steps to get the end result. And be realistic but not pessimistic.

anyway, I might be talking about my arse so I'll stop there.

i'd agree with curly as far as qualifications go. with only a couple of decent gcse's youre pretty limited as to what you can apply for - and the competition is growing by the day.

while i was on inicome support i had such a hard time keeping up with the bills i didnt spend any time getting more qualifications while i could study for free.

maybe getting a few more gcse's would be useful - the basics and something toward what you'd like to do in work. then try for nvq's or A levels - depends what would be useful. with a decent grounding it would make an employer feel youd beable to do whatever training they may want.

just make use of the tiime now while you can. i wasted a lot of time just paying the bills week to week without a thought of training.

This thread is invisible to me .....

GM - what do you mean?

I literally meant I couldn't see it! MN was playing up -

BUtty you are strong. Have a few weak days, eat some cake, scrape yourself up, and try again, and then flirt subtly with EVERY SINGLE MALE YOU COME ACROSS TO CHEER YOURSELF UP