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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

No more relationships!

39 replies

Janos · 13/02/2009 21:44

At the moment, I feel really strongly that I never want to live with another man ever again.

I like being on my own with DS, in fact I prefer it - even though it can be very tiring!

Does anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:
inthemistsoftime · 13/02/2009 22:05

I dont feel that way at all Janos, j'adore mes enfants but think that having other people in your life is important for you to, but will only become apparent as time passes.

Have you recently split from your partner?

Original poster
Janos · 13/02/2009 22:40

I think you've misunderstood me a bit but perhaps I wasn't very clear!

I do have other people in my life, in fact I have a partner but I don't live with him and don't want to in the near future. I like the living on my own and being responsible for my own place - that's what I mean!

I have friends and a supportive family too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Janos · 13/02/2009 22:50

Also, split from XP 3 years ago.

OP posts:
solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 13/02/2009 22:54

I have never lived with a partner and never will. I don't like being in a couple so I don't do it.
I have plenty of friends and family, and DS dad is very involved in his life - but I just have no wish at all to have another adult living in the house all the time, needing attention.

Original poster
Janos · 14/02/2009 09:06

That's how I feel solid. I just enjoy the independence and being on my own.

OP posts:
Original poster
Janos · 14/02/2009 09:08

Perhaps I should have thought of a better thread title

OP posts:
VinegarTits · 14/02/2009 09:14

Janos i feel exactly the same as you, there are enough important people in my ds life(his daddy, his gp's, aunt and uncles) i dont feel the need or want to have a man in my life while he is young, we are perfectly happy and i dont want anyone coming along and upsetting that

VinegarTits · 14/02/2009 09:20

Thats doesnt mean i rule out dating though, just means i dont want the dates to then come into our happy little home life, but that could change if i meet someone really special, but he would have to be like a prince or a god or something

solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 14/02/2009 09:22

It's funny, all the propaganda suggests that women who are not married (or living with a man) are miserable desperate failures - but all the actual studies done show that single women are much happier than paired-off women.
But then, behind a lot of the guff about romance and its alleged importance is men's general wish for women to service them.

RealityIsMyOnlyValentine · 14/02/2009 09:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Janos · 14/02/2009 10:10

Not saying there aren't hard times, but it's just so much easier without having someone else to consider.

I did live with my XP for a long time, and I think it's partly to do with that - I mean it put me off! That was not a good relationship by the end.

I really like not having to consider anyone's needs but me and DS.

Also he and I have a great relationship with my family, including my lovely step dad

Really - I am very lucky.

OP posts:
solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 14/02/2009 10:23

I've been lucky too in that DS dad and I are on amicable terms but not a couple - and both of us are essentially single people (ie not interested in couple-relationships). He does date, but hasn't done so for a while. I suppose there may come a point when he meets a woman he wants to move in with or marry, but luckily his taste doesn't seem to run to whiners or bunny boilers...
IN the meantime I have unlimited (pretty much) free babysitting when I want to go out, and DS sees loads of his father and we even have family outings but I dont have the day-to-day boredom of couplehood, I don't have to cook and clean for DS dad or worry about stroking his ego or whether we are having enough sex - and when DS goes to bed I have my evenings to myself. It's not bad at all

Original poster
Janos · 14/02/2009 10:39

Unfortunately I don't have such a good relationship with my XP, for lots of reasons.

But I have to say that sounds like a great arrangement!

I would agree that men are often keener on marraige and settling down than women, despite the propganda which suggests otherwise - they often get more out of it!

My XP got married asap after we split, I think he likes having a woman around to 'look after' him IYSWIM.

OP posts:
electra · 14/02/2009 10:52

I agree. Having been married I really did not enjoy the whole set up of it. In the future I will prefer to live by myself, whether I am with someone or not. No matter how into someone I am, I fall out of love with them when a boring routine life sets in. I don't think I will ever change. I think society expects us to conform to a nuclear family set up that doesn't necessarily work for everyone. And if it doesn't people end up getting hurt so for me it's easier not to go there in the first place, now.

solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 14/02/2009 11:23

Yes: marriage (and living together, these days) is far more for men's benefit than women's, really. The deal is that the man gets serviced domestically, emotionally and sexually in return for bringing home his wages; the woman gets food and shelter and the odd bunch of flowers in return for 24/7 childcare and domestic work. No wonder women have fought for economic independence and instigate more divorces: why on earth should we put up with being kept as something between a domestic appliance and a pet?

sincitylover · 14/02/2009 12:48

same here can't see a me living with a man again esp while kids are living with me.

I like my independence, completely lost who I was in my marriage. And was often on eggshells as exH was and still is very critical and controlling.

It would have to be someone truly truly exceptional. In the meantime want to have some fun and wouldn't rule out a bf but would like them to go back to their own gaff.

aseriouslyblondemoment · 14/02/2009 14:18

SCL couldn't have said it better myself

elmoandella · 14/02/2009 15:49

dont think i would be keen to live together with a partner or get married. there's already enough demands on my time and adding another person to our set up would push me to the limits.

Original poster
Janos · 14/02/2009 19:09

It's really refreshing to hear all this.

According to 'the media' we are all desperate to be in a relationship! Good to see that at least here, that isn't true.

OP posts:
poshsinglemum · 15/02/2009 12:10

I love being single and I am in no rush to find a new relationship. I am so sick of people assuming I must be miserable as I'm alone. Couldn't be further from the truth. Looking back, I have been aty my most unhappy aswell as happy in a relationship- a real rollercoaster ride. Since dd arrived, I've realised what real love is and I don't want a rollercoaster at all right now. I am open to relationships in the future but will no longer believe that a man can complete me. Utter tosh.

sincitylover · 15/02/2009 14:14

the media do really like to beat women and particularly single mothers and working mothers with a very large stick.

They ought to try some more radical reporting for a change.

solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 15/02/2009 16:35

The point of all the stuff in the media about how single women are miserable failures is to convince women that they need to devote their lives to finding and servicing a man. Because men don't want to do their own housework (and admittedly most of them genuinely cant suck their own dicks) so they want women to do it for them. The economy has also, for a long long time, depended on women's unpaid labour, which they are supposed to do for 'love'. So now that more women are wising up to the fact that romantic love is often far more for men's benefit than women's, and deciding that they can do without it, thanks, the propaganda keeps getting stepped up.

Flightattendant27 · 15/02/2009 17:06

No I'm really desperate!!

I'd love to have a husband. I am so fecking lonely.

I think that probably means (according to MN folklore) that I am not about to meet my life partner...apparently you have to not be looking, in order to find him. Gah. Bugger!

Flightattendant27 · 15/02/2009 17:08

...I know I ought to just hang out with my friends instead but all of them are married and I feel like a lemon tbh. Or a burden.

elmoandella · 15/02/2009 17:11

flighattendant. - i have never in my life wanted to get married.....never ...... dont see the point. i would have to be convinced to do it.