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Lone parents

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Original poster

No more relationships!

39 replies

Janos · 13/02/2009 21:44

At the moment, I feel really strongly that I never want to live with another man ever again.

I like being on my own with DS, in fact I prefer it - even though it can be very tiring!

Does anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:
Flightattendant27 · 15/02/2009 17:12

Oh dear E&E...you are probably right...at least I would fit in socially with the 99.9999% of parents at school who are married

It makes me feel so conspicuous
I really wonder what they think of me.

elmoandella · 15/02/2009 17:23

why care??bet 99.98888% of them are miserable and wish they had the guts to be single.several of my married friends want to be single but admit they couldn't raise the dc on their own till they are a bit older so they stay in their horrible relationship hoping for things to improve or their dc get older

oldraver · 15/02/2009 17:49

Yep I agree I dont want to be living with someone else, been there done that, dont need it in my life now. Several reason for this... first one being that when I first became a single parent when my DH died I just didnt want anyone in my life at all, I had lots of mixed feelings at the time, I didnt really want to go through the trauma of loosing someone as I really didnt think I was up to surviving that. I felt emotionally I had been pushed to the brink and anything else would definitely push me over the edge. So I did make the decision that I wouldn't get involved with anyone else.

I also had the mercenary thought that I didnt want to get financially involved with someone as my mother so lovely put it.. " you dont want to let another man get his feet under you table a she will be able to take half your house" . Its not a factor now but was a big concern for a while especially as, as I saw it, all our cosy little plans to feather our nest for the future had gone haywire.

And mostly... I just dont want to be responsible emotionally or physically for another person. I like doing my own thing as and when I want to. I like not having to worry about someone else (apart from dc's obv) and I like having the bed all to myself. Any downsides..well I just brush them aside as irrelevant. People do assume your just a sad old woman waiting for the right man. I would have no problem with a partner of sorts, but he must go home in the morning

elmoandella · 15/02/2009 17:54

oldraver - in the morning. mines would not even be allowed to stay that long. i want a few hours of bed to myself and just me and dc to sort breakfast for. and not having someone else needing shower in morning either.

oldraver · 15/02/2009 18:28

Well only if he has been exceptional

I even did send a guy home on the bus.. couldnt be bothered to make the effort to give him a lift home

Original poster
Janos · 15/02/2009 21:01

It's good to read all this.

I'm like you elmoandella, I can't ever imagine wanting to get married.

OP posts:
elmoandella · 15/02/2009 21:07

the word marriage makes me think of the scene from holy grail

aha

i found it

run away scene

electra · 16/02/2009 09:42

I think you can always tell who is unhappy with being single because they always have 'single' on any kind of profile they fill out I never put that because I don't think it's relevant lol.

sparkyoldbint · 16/02/2009 09:42

What a great thread - pleasantly surprised as the title not really appropriate to what's being said here! I agree wholeheartedly with the general view here. Got divorced 2 years ago and have a DD of 9 and we live very happily on our own. I have a good relationship with ex, great friends and family and financial independence.

I met a lovely man nearly a year ago who asked me to marry him and although I said yes I'm now realising it's probably not what I want. My ideal situation would be a committed relationship but not living together - I think they call it a LAT (living apart together). I don't really want to see a man more than 2-3 times a week. My DP lives 200 miles away so we only see eachother every fortnight which isn't quite enough but it does have its plusses -I often feel relieved when he goes home and it's nice to look forward to seeing him again.

I love my own space and being able to do what I want and fought really hard to own my house. I don't really want to risk throwing my lot in with a man and losing half of it if it goes tits up. Only this morning I was thinking how lucky I am - I have a lovely child, enjoy being independent and also get to spend quality time with a man.

Nothernbird · 16/02/2009 19:53

Yes - I completely agree. My XP and I split up nearly 2 years ago now. I've been in a relationship with someone for just over a year and to be honest, I'm not sure there's a 'future' in it. We get on well but he has other kids and I'm not ready for us to live together and take on all that entails. My kids are still quite young - 2 and 4 - and although it is hard work, at least you know exactly what your responsibilities are.

I have never lived 'alone' (ie without another adult) but I love it. I wouldn't trade my independance for anything (well not at the moment). And as for marriage - no way. Been there, done that!

Nothernbird · 16/02/2009 20:06

can I just say - I love living by myself apart from having to put the bins out!!!

sparkyoldbint · 17/02/2009 10:04

Me too and what do you do when the washing machine springs a leak? Luckily my ex is very handy and lives round the corner and is always on call.

piratecat · 17/02/2009 10:15

There is no room in my little house for someone like a partner. He would have to rent storage!!

The longer i am single (4 yrs now) the more normal it has become. Yet that's a bit sad too really. I dunno, i guess you never know what's round the corner.

If i did have a prtenr, i don't know how he would fit into my life let alone my home.

elmoandella · 17/02/2009 12:58

sparkyoldbint - you should find ways of sorting these kinds of problems without contacting ex. it's very liberating.

tbh i learnt how to do most stuff myself. go for it. buy a book on diy... curtain poles/pictures fixing simple household things as suprisingly simple.

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