Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Thinking about dumping the new man - advice needed please.

107 replies

BobDowne · 22/01/2009 20:25

Hi all. Been seeing this man for almost 2 months. On sunday i was feeling like i was in love with him after spending a lovely weekend together, but i have no idea how he feels.

He doesn't give much away emotionally and he's really pissed me off over last few days by describing sex with a few of his exes. Am i being prudy or unreasonable that i'd rather not hear about that? I did tell him i didn't want to hear it but he carried on, now i'm stuck with these images in my head!

Now i think maybe he just wants someone to shag on a regular basis. This is shit i hate feeling like this, wish i hadn't bothered dating at all!

OP posts:
Original poster
BobDowne · 24/01/2009 23:58

Well i spoke to him about not wanting to hear any more about sex with exes, he said sorry, he talks too much and reckoned he wouldn't be bothered if it was the other way round!
Still, i had a nice time with him, we did lots of talking (and shagging!). I've been telling him more about my ex boyfriends (but not the sex with them!) and to be honest i think it did make him feel a little insecure.
Do i feel bad about getting a little payback? No!!!!
I have been trying to distance myself a bit though, i do want to take things more slowly.

OP posts:
aseriouslyblondemoment · 25/01/2009 00:03

Hi Bobd!
glad you had good time
hopefully he will be more considerate now with his conversation
you will laugh at me lol
i have gone back to the dating site
and lo and behold exbf is on!!
and sadly so is guy i really like and messed things up with
so wondering what to do now grrr!

Original poster
BobDowne · 25/01/2009 01:10

Yes he said he would try not to do that anymore and i should just tell him to shut up if he starts.
Do you think things with the nice man are too messed up to fix?
Maybe you could try meeting up again and see if it's not too late?!

OP posts:
aseriouslyblondemoment · 25/01/2009 02:50

yes do tell him loudly
i really don't know about the nice one
i just think that he got the wrong idea about me and how i can possibly change his opinion god only knows!
i do know that if i bumped into him socially then we would chat
i might be brave and send a wink!

Original poster
BobDowne · 25/01/2009 10:41

Go for it asbm!
If it was early days when you met him then he should understand that perhaps you weren't ready for a serious relationship back then. Priorities change. Does he have kids?

OP posts:
aseriouslyblondemoment · 25/01/2009 13:05

yes thats a good line to take
no hes single never married and doesn't have kids
he does want them thou and to be settled
think he saw me as only wanting a laugh
oh and speaking of laughs
my exbf has had the nerve to check me out on the site
i was going to ignore him but felt so mad that i have sent him a message
he will be shocked
i now have my closure and can move on
feeling rather pleased with myself!!

Original poster
BobDowne · 26/01/2009 09:35

Excellent. Was it a rude message?!

Did it end badly with him i take it?

OP posts:
aseriouslyblondemoment · 26/01/2009 09:53

no i wasn't rude or abusive as such i just told him a few home truths
i was a bit shocked to discover later that he had responded
agreeing with everything that i had said!!
i have since found out that he's suspended his profile/membership!
so that's a result
keeps alot of other poor women safe for a while!
no it didn't end badly it fizzled out but he behaved appallingly
how's your man have you seen him since?

Original poster
BobDowne · 26/01/2009 16:13

Good on you, sounds like you're well rid.

Haven't seen the man since sat morning, my kids are with me all this week. He likes to talk on the phone for hours though.

I still have some doubts about him, he does seem sex obsessed. And i know it's not just me he's thinking about. Doesn't exactly make a girl feel special.

OP posts:
aseriouslyblondemoment · 26/01/2009 19:42

are you sure that he is thinking about other women or is this just a hunch?
and sex obsessed?
when are you seeing him next?

Original poster
BobDowne · 26/01/2009 20:56

It's just a hunch really. He's always going on about attractive women and various sexual practices - it just makes it all feel a bit impersonal.
He might come to see me tomorrow afternoon - guess what for?!!!!

OP posts:
allgonebellyup · 26/01/2009 21:08

Bobdowne - i have exactly the same thing with the new bloke i am seeing - i have no idea where i stand and he loves to go on about his past sex life!

i told him yesterday that it was a sign of his immaturity (he is 23, i am 29)and also insecurity - it certainly shut him up!!!

On facebook he chats in a really flirty manner with all his female friends, and as its really public it feels embarrassing almost.

Sometimes i think he just comes round to see me for sex too, but he denies this and has stated that the next few times we see each other there will be no sex at all.

aseriouslyblondemoment · 26/01/2009 21:18

thats bang out of order!
i wouldn't like that
you are not sounding particularly keen at all
Bob!

Original poster
BobDowne · 26/01/2009 22:08

That's the root of the problem isn't it allgone bellyup- not knowing where you stand in the first place.
Like the immaturity comment, but my one is 41 so should have grown up by now! Maybe they never do...sorry men! He's on facebook too - do i have to join up or something to check out what he's up to?!
I'm not sounding keen am i. He keeps ringing me and i've started making excuses to get off the phone otherwise he would talk for hours. I just haven't got that sort of time.
Oh dear...

OP posts:
allgonebellyup · 26/01/2009 22:13

but surely the fact he keeps ringing you means he really is into you???

aseriouslyblondemoment · 26/01/2009 22:14

hang on allgone thought that was over?
yes should know better at 41 but...!!
yes you have to join facebook
but if you are wanting to check up on him it doesnt bode well does it?
so dont want to appear negative btw
im usually a cheery soul

allgonebellyup · 26/01/2009 22:15

well we are kind of still seeing each other

allgonebellyup · 26/01/2009 22:16

(he is v good in bed!!!)

aseriouslyblondemoment · 26/01/2009 22:21

LOL!!
fair play to you if that's what you want!
but you sound unsure too

Original poster
BobDowne · 26/01/2009 22:48

No it doesn't bode well. I should try to be more trusting.
He probably is genuine and yes you're right agbu, he must like me a lot to want to speak that often.
I guess i'm not very good at this new relationship stuff - it's been a long time!

OP posts:
aseriouslyblondemoment · 26/01/2009 23:06

im probably having a realistic cynical
take on men at the mo
but hey have just gone on the dating site again!

lou33 · 26/01/2009 23:10

just bloody well use and abuse them

toy and destroy

they will love it and you will make a man out of them

have a bit of fun ladies

and ignore the fact i cant be doing with bits of fun anymore, well not for now anyway

aseriouslyblondemoment · 26/01/2009 23:19

Oh Lou LOL!

lou33 · 26/01/2009 23:20

what?!

aseriouslyblondemoment · 26/01/2009 23:25

i love your spirit but er i think the other two MN-ers want more than just a shag tbh!!