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Original poster

Thinking about dumping the new man - advice needed please.

107 replies

BobDowne · 22/01/2009 20:25

Hi all. Been seeing this man for almost 2 months. On sunday i was feeling like i was in love with him after spending a lovely weekend together, but i have no idea how he feels.

He doesn't give much away emotionally and he's really pissed me off over last few days by describing sex with a few of his exes. Am i being prudy or unreasonable that i'd rather not hear about that? I did tell him i didn't want to hear it but he carried on, now i'm stuck with these images in my head!

Now i think maybe he just wants someone to shag on a regular basis. This is shit i hate feeling like this, wish i hadn't bothered dating at all!

OP posts:
lou33 · 22/01/2009 22:50

oi i'm separated!

oh wait, i see what you mean

ninah · 22/01/2009 22:51

omg this has moved on lol!
good suggestion lou
best of luck bd, see how it goes

aseriouslyblondemoment · 22/01/2009 22:53

what the dogging or the strap job lol!
think we need to get that other thread going again

lou33 · 22/01/2009 22:54

ahem.... i have only been asked to do those things

i made my excuses and left

ninah · 22/01/2009 22:54

moved on too fast for my computer. OK, I agree don't. Also agree that separted covers a wide spectrum.

Original poster
BobDowne · 22/01/2009 22:55

They were never married - think i spelt that wrong?!
Yes he is off a dating site, seemed pretty genuine. That's the other thing that's been niggling at me - he's still logged on the site regularly, when i asked if he was talking to anyone else on there he said only some old contacts.
Now i'm not sure whether to trust him. God this is shit!

OP posts:
aseriouslyblondemoment · 22/01/2009 22:56

lou doesn't separated for that length of time ring alarm bells especially with a man?
i always gave them a wide berth
but then look where it got me lol!

lou33 · 22/01/2009 22:58

ive been separated 3 yrs!

tho i think a lot of men gain some kind of thrill from it

they can legitimately shag a married woman and get away with it

aseriouslyblondemoment · 22/01/2009 23:02

did it say single on there?
that's the problem with doing this you can still log on and find out and they can check up on you too!!
i would have thought that if he were serious about you he would have suspended/removed his profile as you've been seeing him for a couple of months now
i could appreciate it if he had made a few purely platonic female friends then he might want to stay in touch
but thats more of an email/FB/MSN thing

aseriouslyblondemoment · 22/01/2009 23:04

i expect they do lou
it's a man thing IME!!

lou33 · 22/01/2009 23:05

well it benefits me too so its all good

ninah · 22/01/2009 23:05

the bloke I met was still checking the site I asked him to resign and he did
you need a chat with him bd

aseriouslyblondemoment · 22/01/2009 23:10

my exBF voluntarily told me that he was off site and had removed his profile/cancelled his membership
but i know that he does have female friends that he often chats to on MSN as indeed do i

Original poster
BobDowne · 22/01/2009 23:14

Yeah you're right ninah, i need to talk to him about this.
Especially as we've talked about not using condoms anymore and me going on the pill.
I have a right to know where i stand goddamn it!

OP posts:
ninah · 22/01/2009 23:18

but I do think tess had a point, about looking for the bad etc
If you can talk about your contraceptive needs your emotional needs is a cinch
just be really matter of fact, this is what I want
and all the best with it, are you seeing him this weekend?

aseriouslyblondemoment · 22/01/2009 23:24

but we look for the bad because to a greater extent we expect it
all of us are now single mums we've left our old lives behind and basically we don't want to fcuk it up/have more of the same in the future
sadly though this does make us less receptive to the thoroughly decent men out there and they are out there

Original poster
BobDowne · 22/01/2009 23:25

I'm seeing him tomorrow night.
I probably am looking for something bad if i'm honest with myself.
I can't stand feeling this needy, so i mgiht be looking for reasons to distance myself.
Generally he does seem pretty keen, he phones every day - sometimes twice
Been getting a lot of crap from my ex this week which hasn't helped and made me feel down.

OP posts:
ninah · 22/01/2009 23:26

exactly, carrie
at least I goddam hope they are, and that I will know one when I fall over him

Original poster
BobDowne · 22/01/2009 23:30

Well put asbm - I think i've been worrying too much this week about the future and wondering whether he's a bit like my ex???
Should not do that!!!!

OP posts:
aseriouslyblondemoment · 22/01/2009 23:31

listen i know so!!
as i let one get away

ninah · 22/01/2009 23:33

I think I may be doing the same
he obviously is keen bd, just enjoy it and don't rush anything, wait and see, he may just be one of those thoroughly decent men
Just take it easy and don't let expectations get in your way (note to self)

Original poster
BobDowne · 22/01/2009 23:36

Was that the last bf asbm?

OP posts:
aseriouslyblondemoment · 22/01/2009 23:42

oh so in need of a thoroughly decent man
try not to dwell Bobd
but you know yourself what you want/expect
if he is a total shit then i can guarantee that if he sees you as having feelings for him then he'll use it to his advantage and play you for all its worth
if he is genuine then i would slow things down a bit and let him show you how he feels by his actions rather than words
then you can truly decide

Original poster
BobDowne · 22/01/2009 23:54

Wise words.
Thanks for helping me get my head around this, I feel a lot calmer now!

OP posts:
aseriouslyblondemoment · 23/01/2009 00:02

not my exbf
the one i saw whilst it was early days
and hasten to add has never been the kind of thing i would do before or again
i treated him as a mate tbh as didn't think that he was for real
i mean how could he be?
but i do regret my mindset as i was blinded to a man who would have been ideal for me
and probably would have settled down with