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Original poster

Thinking about dumping the new man - advice needed please.

107 replies

BobDowne · 22/01/2009 20:25

Hi all. Been seeing this man for almost 2 months. On sunday i was feeling like i was in love with him after spending a lovely weekend together, but i have no idea how he feels.

He doesn't give much away emotionally and he's really pissed me off over last few days by describing sex with a few of his exes. Am i being prudy or unreasonable that i'd rather not hear about that? I did tell him i didn't want to hear it but he carried on, now i'm stuck with these images in my head!

Now i think maybe he just wants someone to shag on a regular basis. This is shit i hate feeling like this, wish i hadn't bothered dating at all!

OP posts:
aseriouslyblondemoment · 22/01/2009 20:31

had wondered where you were BobDowne!
can understand the situation you're in
and no details of exes are TMI IMO
thought that you were happy to go with the flow so to speak and didn't expect too much
am i right in thinking you may have fallen a little for him?
maybe he does just want a very casual relationship
whats his history btw?

Original poster
BobDowne · 22/01/2009 20:47

Hi asbm!
I was happily going with the flow but yes i have fallen for him and wish i didn't feel like this.
I think i'm just feeling like another woman to be added to his list and feel like calling the whole thing off before i get any deeper.

OP posts:
aseriouslyblondemoment · 22/01/2009 21:03

oh thats really shitty for you
you shouldn't be feeling this way and if you are having serious doubts then i would walk away tbh
you are too good for him and deserve better
after all us single mums have had enough crap to contend with in our previous lives
our new single lives should not involve more of the same
and btw my relationship finished recently too
wish i'd walked away sooner

tessofthedurbervilles · 22/01/2009 21:08

I was badly hurt by my ex h and to be honest everytime I get near someone I think somewhere in me I start to find fault, distance myself and generally make myself not like the person. Like I am too scared to let someone close so before they can hurt me I make myself go off them. Not saying this is what you are doing but maybe it could be food for thought?

ninah · 22/01/2009 21:48

oh no, sorry
but you don't need to decide anything right now? agree discussing sex with exs really tasteless - tell him! again, firmly. maybe he's really insecure etc etc. Oh dear -
asbm has said enough is enough - I am feeling ambivalent (started seeing him roughly same time as you did yours)
I'm hoping to try a bit longer, but already I'm thinking with longing about a weekend with friends/sis and a bit of time off from it all
There's no real incentive to wade through all this sht is there when your life is full already

aseriouslyblondemoment · 22/01/2009 21:54

am beginning to think that there's something in the water!
or as i said maybe we've all wised up a bit

ninah · 22/01/2009 21:57

is there such a thing as wising up too much? do you think?
sneaky lurk on dating site seen someone I quite fancy and no, before you ask, it's not rhino

aseriouslyblondemoment · 22/01/2009 22:02

oh FFS!!
well if you're lurking that says it all!
have you sent a wink then?
and wising up too much?well what can i say?i just hope that at some point i can lay off the being wised up

ninah · 22/01/2009 22:07

yeah, here's to laying off that!
Feel like I've regressed to sixth form level when it comes to dating. He's gonna ring in a mo, and give me a run down of his 'day'
oh hell ...

aseriouslyblondemoment · 22/01/2009 22:11

oh sounds truly rivetting NOT!!
saying that am contemplating whether to give dating sites another go too
told you its the water!!
are you going to talk me out of it?

ninah · 22/01/2009 22:16

Nope. I'm not.
Personally, I'm feeling a bit too mean to pay the subs, that's all. On the other hand I've had a lot of fascination out for the twenty quid I paid in July.

Original poster
BobDowne · 22/01/2009 22:18

Sorry to hear that asbm, was it a long distance relationship you were in?
Tess i know just what you mean, maybe i am needing to distance myself.
He just rang me, spoke for an hour. Do i tell him how i'm feeling?

OP posts:
macdoodle · 22/01/2009 22:19

well I like my NM he is a gem he has been a star despite my lunatic ex assualting me and abusing and threatening him on the phone
Am keeping him is time I gave a nice guy a chance

aseriouslyblondemoment · 22/01/2009 22:19

oh theres some fascinating stuff alright truly mind boggling lol!
dont mind the sub
just dont know if i can be arsed with wading thru all the shite

lou33 · 22/01/2009 22:21

i think the talk about sex with exes depends on how detailed and long it goes on for and how many times it is referred back to, but to be flippant for a moment, i'd probably reply with some graphic descriptions of my own and make sure they were better experiences than the one i just had

aseriouslyblondemoment · 22/01/2009 22:25

yes it was a LDR but it's ok we live and learn!
what do you want to tell him right now?
has he any indication that you have feelings for him?
and his relationship history
sure you probably mentioned it before but remind me

Original poster
BobDowne · 22/01/2009 22:31

That's a good idea lou.

If he starts again i will be prepared with some stories!

I'm going to see him tomorrow so will see how it goes.

OP posts:
lou33 · 22/01/2009 22:35

get in there first, by saying "oh i forgot to tell you ......."

lou33 · 22/01/2009 22:36

mind you i cant talk, i was having a sex with exes chat the other night with a guy i think i might start seeing , but it was a mutual thing and i think i was the more graphic

aseriouslyblondemoment · 22/01/2009 22:37

LMAO

lou33 · 22/01/2009 22:39

and i wonder why i am single eh?

aseriouslyblondemoment · 22/01/2009 22:41

can only imagine what he thought about some of your escapades

Original poster
BobDowne · 22/01/2009 22:43

I wanted to tell him how i felt about him,
now i'd rather he didn't know anyway! Maybe i'm going off him.

He has 2 kids, been separated for 5 years. Has had 3 relationships since then, and a few flings inbetween.

I'm thinking maybe i'd be better off on my own again!

OP posts:
lou33 · 22/01/2009 22:47

oh he loves it, of course, probably hoping he gets the same treatment

he's known me nearly 2 yrs so it isnt as tho he has no idea what i am like

aseriouslyblondemoment · 22/01/2009 22:49

personally bob i wouldn't
and what exactly does separated mean?
its a very grey area that for me
is he another off a dating site?
if so would be curious to know what was said in the profile