The looking after Libb thread.

[Flossam]

Didn't know where to put this, put feel like we should do something to show Libb we care, and to make sure she gets a computer! Love to you libb, hoping you are ok still. xxx

[Libb]

It is his house, and probably in poorer condition than a council place if I am honest. Hence the rewiring - the fitting dated back to the 50's. I also paid out for various appliances that were not child friendly (for example, a gas oven where the door didn't close, hadn't been tested since it was bought and was so dirty a dish was permanetly stuck to the top of it!) (excuse spelling). He now has a decent oven, washing machine, hoover, re-wiring and shower.

But it isn't the obvious stuff I paid out for, its all the of silly little things that make life easier if you see what I mean.

I feel such a mug even though he didn't intend for me to feel that way beforehand . I would like to think he thought all the improvements were the best too.

[Libb]

I am in mopey mood tonight so will try hard not to ramble on.

[vict17]

It's not your fault Libb. Will he help you find somewhere new/contribute to a deposit that kind of thing?

[Libb]

He can't at the moment. All he can say is that He will speak to his mother to see if she will lend him some money, (she has retired in New Zealand with her 3rd husband who happens to be very comfortable financially (self made etc)).

However, she tends to see it as her husband's money and may find it awkward to ask for help towards her son (does that make sense). This makes sense to me because I would be the same.

On the other hand, he hasn't told his parents that this has happened at all - what is stopping him?

[mummytosteven]

god he really needs to grow up doesn't he just the bit about him hoping his parents will bail him out makes me . presumably he's not telling his parents as he doesn't think they will be too impresse with his behaviour.

any chance of you being able to see a legal aid solicitor/free initial interview solicitor as well to see what they think re:your contributions to the house?

sorry not got anything more constructive to add.

[Libb]

I think half the problem is that he has doubts about the whole splitting up thing, sadly I think his reasons are mostly financial and the fact he will miss DS.

I have no doubt that his mum would help if it were her money, but her husband has worked hard and it shows in his attitude! for example they have a flat in a seaside town that is easy for us to drive to and it remains empty except for when they visit (once every 4-5 years), we offered to look after a set of keys and keep an eye on the place in exchange for the odd weekend stayover with DS. He said no then, so I can understand why she might struggle to ask him for help now.

Blimey, this all sounds so complicated written down. Sadly, it isn't much better in reality.

[spots]

Libb, how long do you suppose you need to stay living at exdp's? it must be doing your head in. Is it a case of finding somewhere to stay first, or do you need to find £££ before you can find a place? If there is doubt in his mind about whether or not he's sure about you going, that must be very draining in itself.

[Libb]

I have decided to give the Council 1 week so I will be phoning on Monday, it is getting quite hard here to be honest and I am realising that DS is getting a bit fraught.

Ex-p keeps telling me that he is sorry but that means bugger all. It has also been tough today because I really wanted a night out, I phoned a couple of friends and they are too busy - totally understandable but disheartening too.

I feel like a wet flannel.

[Libb]

One sweet moment though, I had a quiet sobby moment whilst holding DS. He saw this one renegade tear and wiped it away, that made me cry more!

He is most certainly my saving grace.

[Flossam]

Aww, Libb. Bless DS. I'm sure he will look after mummy. I'm so sorry this is so prolonged and horrible for you. I have been thinking of you. I've had a busy week so not been around much but you haven't been forgotton. ExP sounds like he has become a complete tosser. Can't believe you had to pay all that out - perhaps if he had been better with his money you could have had longer off on mat leave with DS. Poor you. Money is always fraught though isn't it? It always sounded like you did most things in the house too. Thats hard too though isn't it? With me off work I think DP expects me to do everything, but that won't be the case when I go back! You must have stuggled so much to work full time and manage everything else too. Poor, poor you. Lots of love.xxxxx

[Libb]

Flossam, I spent the money because we both saw it as improving the house for the future. I kind of feel for him, he has only just realised what it is I have been paying out for. Last night I told him he could be expected to pay out at least approx. £100 per month for maintenance based on his salary and he looked quite shocked.

I really don't think he has thought it all through, even though he says he has.

[Libb]

Besides, the money isn't the only issue. He admitted that he still doesn't feel sure about his decision. However I am sure now, it would take too much work to make it turn out right and there would always be an sense of unease - I would be waiting for the next time he decides it is over.

I look back now and realise that the signs were there all along, I was the one choosing to ignore them.

[Flossam]

Oh Libb. It is such a shame, I am sorry. He sounds very niave perhaps. I'm sorry if I upset you, just the whole sitation makes me and for you. xxx

[fairyfly]

I dont think the majority of them do think it through, act now, worry later attitude. I think that is why we get so upset and scared as we actually have the insight to see what it all means and how life will change. You deserve to be happy now libb and totally and utterly adored. You will get this one day, the process will just be painful. You deserve a better lfe.

[Libb]

Thank you, both of you. I hope I find my ideal life and a Knight one day but I won't be looking for a while (for the knight anyway) - I just want a roof over my head that I can pay for!

That said, if DS continues to chew my cheque book the way he is then I won't be paying for anything! the little monkey. Its a left handed cheque book too.

[Libb]

Flossam, you didn't upset me. I will e-mail you - and you too FF xxxxxx

[Flossam]

We sent off our child voucher with and added gift from DS - chewed and puked over! At least they will know that he helped with the decision making process! Libb, men have a habit of turning up when you least expect them. How has exH been about all this?

[fairyfly]

Lefthanded cheque book??? Perhaps i need one????

You will get there hon, it is frightening at the time. I have got myself out of huge holes. If things can all of a sudden can go terribly wrong then the opposite can happen,. Right?

You will find a house as you have promised me a punting weekend and i am holding you to it.

[Libb]

Oh lordy, we will have to time it with a beer festival and an ex having DS weekend to really make it work you know. Jesus Green can be really nice in the summer if you ignore the brass band on Sundays . . .

It just occured to me that I am pretty excited to be going back to Cambridge. There will be so much more for DS - now all I need to do is afford it!

[fairyfly]

Hoorah, posititvity

I will apply to uni there, i am sure to get into cambridge, infact i will probably be head hunted any day now.

[Libb]

sorry, all my posts sound clipped because I am having to fend DS from various household objects - despite the bucket of toys available.

I would be pleased to act as tour guide for anyone who wishes to visit, just don't ask me to name the colleges.

[Libb]

they did send me a letter asking about you, I told them that you were busy.

[fairyfly]

oh bugger, ill just have to go to some pretend uni then, like chester

[Libb]

or Northampton (no offence to anyone by the way!)