Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Are single dads welcome here?

167 replies

Niceguy2 · 12/01/2009 00:38

Hi all

Not sure if I'm welcome here or not...after all, the name is mumsnet! Apologies if I'm not....

How do others cope with being a single parent? I've been a single dad for a while now. My kids are great, my job is great. The only problem I have is how do I meet other people????

Night after night I sit here with nothing but the computer to keep me sane! I need to make new friends but how?? I don't have any babysitters, I can rely on a friend occasionally but I don't like to ask for fear of imposing.

Striking up conversations with other women at school are out. They're all in little cliques and assume you're trying to chat them all up! Blokes just don't understand my position.

I've tried the whole Internet dating thing but it would seem a lot of women are put off by a single dad. Most without children don't want the hassle. Those with children......prefer men without kids. It would seem I can't win!

Surely I'm not doomed yet?? I'm only 33, have a good job, two well behaved kids. I'm surrounded by happy couples everywhere I go! Arrgh!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Niceguy2 · 12/01/2009 15:10

LOL thanks! Don't think even if I could show a picture I would. It would be like a lamb to the slaughter! I don't think I'm ugly or anything. I've done the bar/pub scene to death. Worst feeling was one date I'd met at a club where everything was going REALLY well.....up til the point i told her I had kids. You could see her interest wane there and then!

Dating can wait I think. Right now I need to sort out a better social life. It would be lovely to meet up one day with others in the same boat. For now I'll just keep lurking a bit and try to understand the fairer sex!

OP posts:
KewcumbersRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 12/01/2009 15:12

don't lurk, plough in.

I think your idea is right. Try to get a social life going a bit first - seriously try singlewithkids.co.uk - it isn't a dating site PROMISE!

lou33 · 12/01/2009 15:14

welcome to mn

whats that site kew?

revjustaboutlikesvests · 12/01/2009 15:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KewcumbersRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 12/01/2009 15:17

www.singlewithkids.co.uk

lots of people midlands and north thoguh spreading (can;t remember where you are).

I don;t use it much but an old MN friend uses it a lot and goes to meets- I just tag along with her occasionally but its nice to meet other single parents.

They do also arrange pub evenings wihtout childrne if you can get babysitting. Holidays are good value apparently but someitmes they are sharing with other families

www.singlewithkids.co.uk/forum/

KewcumbersRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 12/01/2009 15:17

I find gingerbread is too young for me - but then I am ancient.

lou33 · 12/01/2009 15:45

you and me both then

lou33 · 12/01/2009 15:46

and kew, your ds is absolutely gorgeous

KewcumbersRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 12/01/2009 15:57

isn't he?! He has a bit of a short back and sides at the moment which makes him look a bit less Boden-like!

lou33 · 12/01/2009 15:59

he really is, one of those kids that get noticed (in a good way )

BlueSapphire77 · 12/01/2009 16:13

I used to love meeting a nice bloke and announcing straight away that i had kids.
Never been a problem, they're part of me so have never hidden it till later.
The worry of course is the ones whose eyes light up when you mention kids..and not in a nice way

Like a bloody minefield ffs.
Then you have the emotional F*wits and those who are Ex obsessed

It was when i accepted that the only man i NEEDED in my life was my DS that all the 'normal' blokes came out of the woodwork..when i wasn't looking

Men eh.

sleepingwiththeenemy · 12/01/2009 16:14

Have you tried googling to see if there's a social group in your area? There's one in mine (I've not been brave enough to join it yet) that's definately not a dating site, but they organise events in the area...everything from dinner to cinema to theatre to weekends away...sport events etc. You pay a membership fee and then pay for whatever events you want to go on. Some of the events are with children and some without but you choose what you want to do. It's worth a try. I almost went to a couple of events on my trial membership but my self confidence deserted me at the last minute.

sleepingwiththeenemy · 12/01/2009 16:18

Bluesapphire...we certainly have to run the gauntlet when we're single parents don't we??? LOL. I have met some REAL oddballs, who I wouldn't let near my kids in a million years!Those that think I'm a nymphomaniac. Those that think I should be grateful for any attention at all. Those that think I can just go out all night, clubbing without having to think about the kids.....I've stopped looking too so maybe I might meet someone 'normal' now. Incidentally, I would be over the moon to meet a nice single Dad, so much common ground.

lou33 · 12/01/2009 16:19

i mention my kids from the off, i find it better that way

BlueSapphire77 · 12/01/2009 16:26

Yup lou you find which ones you can weed out that way

I spoke to my DP for some time online and was GUTTED to see one day on cam he had kids jumping about behind him, he hadn't mentioned kids, i thought "Bastard, he's married and trying it on with me.." so didn't speak to him for a while lol.

He did laugh at me when i admitted THAT

Original poster
Niceguy2 · 12/01/2009 16:27

I've looked into social groups. One I found looked great except again it assumes you have pots of money and pots of free time. Neither of which are true.

I will check out singlewithkids.co.uk later.

I also mention i have kids as soon as the conversation allows. Its just that with that date the conversation was flowing pretty well but just not in that area. Eventually I had to bring it up as I didn't want her to think I was hiding it.

OP posts:
whoingodsnameami · 12/01/2009 16:28

I dont know about most single mothers only looking for childless couples, I am a single mum and would prefer someone who has kids, mainly because I wont be having anymore dc, and if it works, theres nothing bad except a bit of choas with a house full of children, I mean, hey, the Waltons were happy

whoingodsnameami · 12/01/2009 16:29

childless men sorry, not childless couples.

LiffeyMermaid · 12/01/2009 16:33

Welcome Niceguy2, I'm in the same boat, except, eh, without a job!! spend far too much time on the internet.

I think dating can wait too. I feel like I need to sort out my own life first this time, avoid making mistakes again

BlueSapphire77 · 12/01/2009 16:33

Sorry sleepingwiththeenemy, posted before i had read the thread properly..
Yup have met some wierdo's..truly! And was glad to stay single for nigh on seven years (three of these TOTALLY man free [grin} not even a date..it gave me the confidence in myself and knowledge of myself i needed before starting to date again..didn't have to answer to anyone, think about anyone other than my kids, it was BRILL.
I went out with an emotional floating turd who was supposed to be 42 but acted like a baby, apparently down to depression, another who i thought the world of and found out he was cheating sigh
One really nice bloke, bless him, who used me as a psychiatrist..yakking about his ex..i just wasn't in a patient place at that time of my life so ditched him saying if he thought that much of her maybe he should just get back with her ffs
Felt like bridget jones only without the diary and the desperation

LiffeyMermaid · 12/01/2009 16:35

Niceguy2, just read your most recent posts.... don't think I could contemplate dating a man without children. So, not everybody things children are rats...

I'd see it as a definite plus.

BlueSapphire77 · 12/01/2009 16:40

Niceguy2..i know what you mean about the social stuff.. if you work they are not ideal
My advice personally would be to enjoy the time with you and your DC's without anyone else being involved for the time being.
But i had a brill time so i'm v biased lol.
Lots of friends meant i had babysitters on tap and was never lonely, i always appreciate that.
It could have been a lot harder and lonlier.

Hope you feel welcome here already
Everyone i have had the pleasure to talk to on here has been lovely

LiffeyMermaid · 12/01/2009 16:43

Also, the time I've spent chatting to people on here so many evenings! it hasn't been a waste of time imo. NObody in my rl had any notion of what I was going through.

MN has saved me thousands in therapy probably. Venting here to people who DO understand has been the valve that's allowed me to remain friends with people I mght otherwise have been painfully jealous of.

Original poster
Niceguy2 · 12/01/2009 16:46

Hi Mermaid

Thanks for that! It gives me hope....perhaps I just have a way of finding unavailable women!!!

OP posts:
Paddlechick666 · 12/01/2009 16:51

Hijack alert!
Oi! Kew are you ignoring me/my texts? You have prompted my first MN post in about 4 months!!!
Niceguy, I think singlewithkids is right up your street as Kew has said. Don't worry about finances, everyone skint as well as very friendly.
Even if you can't get to any meets the forum is lively and good fun.
See ya there and that goes for any and all single parents!!!
Kew, at least I know you're not dead, you're icecream is on borrowed time y'know!!!!

Swipe left for the next trending thread