Totally gutted

[IllegallyBrunette]

I did really well last night, had a chat on here and then at about 11:30, went up to bed and had a read. Clock struck midnight, and I was fine, no tears.

Then as I was just starting to drop off the phone rings. I nearly didn't answer it. Anyway it was my friend who lives within spitting distance, who I have recently helped through huge financial crisis, degree, childcare problems etc.

She was ringing to wish me happy new year, nice of her yes ?
Would be nice, except, I could hardley hear her and it took me a moment or two to figure out why, but yes you guessed it, she was having a party. The noise that I could hear in the distance whilst I lay in bed, was them all in the garden doing the conga.

She reckons she thought i was spending new year with my mum, but that is such a pile of shite as I had told her my mum alway works new year.
She apologised, and I said it was fine, not to worry about it, mainly because I was pretty stunned.

At the end of the day, even if she thought i was already doing something, she could have asked and she didn't, making it perfectly obvious that she didn't want me there.

She then got all her friends to shout happy new year to me down the phone.

Then, i did cry.

How unkind

No excuses for her shit behaviour. She should have asked you regardless of whether or not she thought you were at your mums.

Is she normally a good friend?

Sorry you feel so bad x

No she is normally a pretty crappy friend tbh, but never this crappy.

I just can't get it out of my head, because she either thought about it and decided she didn't want us there, or she just totally forgot about us alltogether. I am not sure which is worse.

As I said, we live within spitting distance, and I help her out with lots of things. Her eldest and mine are friends, in the same class, walk to school together etc.

She made all the right noises of course, pretended she was sorry, that she hadn't realised etc, but then carried on telling me how good it was and how much fun they had.

She said 'your not on your own are you ?'

Well now, lets think, single mum of 3 with no babysitter for friends, where the hell else would i be.

Dya know what? I would let the dc be good mates,that doesn't have to stop.

But don't be available the way you have been in the past etc. You are probably the one who makes the effort/does all the running (bit like me)

You will make new friends and meet loads of new people when you are working so make 2009 a yrae for you!!

I have had problems with people like this in the past and i cut down contact. Keep it civil and friendlyish for the dc and no more.

She doesn't sound like she'll be any loss tbh

No, you are right.

I shouldn't be so bothered but I just would never behave like that.

She has started a new full time job and as you say I will be starting work soon so hopefully our paths will rarely cross anymore.

Oh well, looks like I am back to having no friends again.

Yes but you will be making lots of new friends through work won't you? Be yourself and be confident!!

You deserve nice friends and no reason why you can't have them.

Don't let people like her take the piss please??

I will try, but as this isn't the first time this has happened it is hard not to think that there must be something about me that makes people only want to use me and not actually be friends at all.

I think you sound like a kind person who others take advantage of.

And I think you're right that she could've mentioned the party in a 'if you fancy coming over instead of being with your mum' kind of way.

I agree with aGal - let the dc be friends but avoid her.

I hope your new resolution is to avoid crappy friends!

I think it should be paperchase, i seem to attract them like a flippin magnet though.

When i think of all the things i have done for her, helped her with uni work, looked after her kids for free for weeks on end, let her cry on my shoulder everytime it all got too much, and this is what i get in return.

It is not you and deep down you do know that. I just like to think that everyone is like me. Genuine you know?

It's not your fault you have been unlucky over the past wee while.

I know it's hard but get chatting at work and things will change for you. 2009 will be a good year for you!!

She is a user and you are a nice person. I know which i would rather be.

Thats the trouble though, I find it really hard to make friends and things like this just make it worse because I don't trust anyone to actually be my friend instead of use me.

I'm totally crap at making friends IRL, so know what it feels like. I've also been kicked in the teeth by people, so know what that feels like too.

This friend sounds like one who is using you. If she only takes from you and never gives, and hurts you like this, even unintentionally, what do you get from this friendship? Surely it is better to be without friends than to have a friend like this?

Don't be too quick to offer childcare/swap shifts etc. That's what i used to do and the users would know i was an easy target.

Just keep it friendly and smile a lot. You will attract more genuine nice folk that way.

Don't know how,but try and build your self esteem a bit too. You sound really down

Nutty I always read your posts and think you could be me. From this situation (haven't seen anyone over xmas)to the dating/lonelness,college and work threads.
Both single mums with no one around and three kids.

You will make new friends with work and I promise soon this one will be trying to cling onto you when she sees there is you have no need for her in your life (tell her to pee off when she does). Your a lovely woman and don't deserve this shit.

You did better than me lastnight. I was sobbing into my wine glass at about nine pm lol

Happy new year missus x

No friends and no man in my life, that has to somehow be down to me surely.

And yes it probably is better to have no friends than friends like that but then where does that leave me, just alone as always.

Your ex is an arse IIRC? So that's clearly not down to you is it??

I know it's hard for you right now but don't let it all drag you down!!

When do you start work?

Ah sorry to her that MS&E. That has been me in previous years.
Hope your 2009 is a good one

Tbh I wasn't feeling at all down last night, i hate new year for various reasons, but had made myself think 'fuck it' and just behaved like it was any normal night.

My self esteem is shot to pieces, has been for years now.

IB I am a shit judge of character - I assume everyone is lovely and when I find out they're not it's a bit of a kick in the teeth. But when I'm right it's lovely. So I'd rather be someone who usually thinks 'Oh I'm sure she's not all that bad' than 'I will assume she's a moo until she proves otherwise.' I think you're the same too, and it is the best way to be. I reckon the trick is to expect nowt in return, and be pleasantly surprised, but to have a mental blacklist of people who dump on you a bit too often.

Your ex did a good job on you IB.

Go and write a list of the positives in your life and stick it on your fridge NOW.

Monday, well have classroom based induction Monday and Tuesday and then first shift on the ward is next Friday.

Apparently the girls on my ward are a friendly bunch, but the first thing i though of when my mum said that was 'yeah until it comes to me actually needing a friend', because thats what always happens with me.

If you go in thinking that way it will happen.

Go in there remembering you are as deserving of nice workmates and hopefully making some friends with some of them as anyone else.

Might be some hunky male nurses in there too

But the thing is, I didn't expect anything in return from her. I knew she was the type to take take take, but I wasn't really bothered because in my head i'd allowed for that and so didn't expect offers of childcare, nights out etc, but for her to specifically not invite me to a party she knew i'd find out about, is just mean and thats what I don't get.

She has always had 2 sets of friends. Friends who are proper friends, who she goes on nights out with and socialises with, and who she has always tried her hardest to keep me seperate from, and then friends who she is friends with so that she has someone to walk to school with, or pick up the slack when her childminer is ill etc.

YES you are deserving of nice workmates.

Go in there thinking, I am lovely and kind and nice, and if you're lucky YOU can be MY friend.

Just realised I have broken one of my new year resolutions, which was to not moan so much.

Well get into work with the expectation that friendship is a two way thing and this time you'll get it!!

Gotta go tidy now.

Are you doing anything nice today?