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Original poster

OMG maybe he's not who I thought he was and just as it was all going so well :-(

46 replies

CanThisWork · 15/12/2008 22:19

Some of you may remember my thread last week about the guy I'd started seeing but didn't 'fancy'.

Well, I had started to become more attracted to him (although still didn't think phwoar when I looked at him!).

Anyway, yesterday and today he's been a bit off with me. Not responding to texts for a couple of hours, no good morning texts - which is very unlike him. I asked him about it and he said he was very busy at work and that a member of his family had taken ill - which was fine, I understood.

So then tonight, DD is at XP's and for some reason, I suddenly got the urge to 'google' him . I don't know where this came from or why I went through with it but I did.

I found a few different swinging/dogging/meet for sex websites which he has a profile on

I know it's definitely him as there are photographs of him on there and the descriptions of what he's looking for are quite graphic

He's logged in to a couple of these sites as recently as November (whilst we were chatting but before we were 'involved').

What do I do now? I'm sat here actually crying , I can't believe it, I really cant.

OP posts:
devoutsceptic · 15/12/2008 22:21

Thank god you didn't sleep with him, eh? (you didn't, did you?)
YOu see, there was a reason you didn't fancy him. Trust your instincts. You didn't fancy him because there was a little voice inside you that screamed 'weirdo creep' when you met him.
Sorry you feel sad and disappointed.

Original poster
CanThisWork · 15/12/2008 22:22

I did sleep with him , and it was great, but now I feel sick

OP posts:
Idrankthechristmasspirits · 15/12/2008 22:23

Im sorry you're so upset but it sounds like you are just not into the same things. I havent read your other thread by the way.

devoutsceptic · 15/12/2008 22:23

Oh, sorry. How horrible for you. But really, in this case it is him, and not you. You cannot take it personally that he's not calling. I assume he used a condom?

ingles2 · 15/12/2008 22:23

you used condoms though right???

sticksantaupyourchimney · 15/12/2008 22:25

I am not sure if I read your other thread, but why shouldn't he have been looking for sex before he met you? He hadn't made you any promises of sexual exclusivity at that point.

Now, I don't want to be hurtful but I get the impression you haven't had sex with him yet - and if you were in the 'don't fancy him but want to be friends' mindset, then he may well have decided that you don't fancy him, don't want sex with him and therefore he is losing interest in you (because he wants a relationship in which sex features, at least).
If you're not very attracted to him, it's not terribly reasonable to think that it's your business who he has sex with.

sticksantaupyourchimney · 15/12/2008 22:28

OK, so you have had sex with him - but you're upset that he had (or looked for) sex with other people before he met you. That's still not reasonable.

Oh, and a liking for swinging, dogging and casual sex doesn't make someone a 'weirdo creep'. Did you tell him you only want a sexually exclusive relationship? Did he offer you one? Some people like to have casual sex some of the time but then have a longterm monogamous relationship if/when they meet a Right Person.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 15/12/2008 22:29

OMG, CanThisWork! I was so rooting for you! ((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))

I don't know what to say!

I suppose the whole swinging scene can work for some people but it's not for me either! It's very underhand that you had no idea that he was into that stuff. No wonder you feel that you didn't really know him after all!

I am really gutted for you.

Original poster
CanThisWork · 15/12/2008 22:31

I did sleep with him and yes I did use a condom!

It's not the fact that he'd been looking for sex before he met me but that he's into swinging and dogging etc!

I'm not a prude and I have no problem with people who want to do that but it's really not for me!

I just didnt think he was like that, I really didnt. And now that I know he is, I'm really not sure if I want to go any further with this.

OP posts:
devoutsceptic · 15/12/2008 22:32

You really don't. I wouldn't. How grim it all sounds.
Thank god for the condom.

whoingodsnameami · 15/12/2008 22:33

I know I am in the minority here, but, errr, whay is dogging?

Original poster
CanThisWork · 15/12/2008 22:34

Thanks ChA, I really need those hugs! (and I'm not a huggy person so shhh )

I'm not sure whether to ask him about it - it could be that he just tried it but found it wasn't for him? But then, why would he be registered on so many sites (there's at least 5 )

OP posts:
whoingodsnameami · 15/12/2008 22:34

what, not whay

ingles2 · 15/12/2008 22:34

Phew...
totally understand your feelings on him now. I couldn't carry on a relationship with a man who is happy to hang around in dark woods at night to see some probably rough people shagging. grim really.
Sorry..

Original poster
CanThisWork · 15/12/2008 22:35

Dogging is watching other people have sex or letting other people watch you.

Usually done in car parks AFAIK!

(maybe I'm wrong and it's not as seedy as that?)

OP posts:
lou33 · 15/12/2008 22:35

it may be something he was interested in but hadn't actually tried.

i would try and ask him about it

snoringnightmare · 15/12/2008 22:35

whoin, ingles2 just explained dogging

bluejelly · 15/12/2008 22:36

Oh dear, that would ring alarm bells for me. Although a lot of people do 'look around' without actively getting involved.

Can you go back to not fancying him again, which would make it so much easier

CurlyhairedAssassin · 15/12/2008 22:39

Think she's already back at that point, bluejelly!

Original poster
CanThisWork · 15/12/2008 22:40

bluejelly, I was just getting over the not fancying him bit! Thanks to my last thread, I 'saw sense' and was conquering my shallowness slowly but surely!

If only I could turn back the clock a week....

Oh and one of the sites is for men looking for sexual encounters with married women

OP posts:
CurlyhairedAssassin · 15/12/2008 22:41

Sorry, CanThisWork, don't mean to make light of it, but onwards and upwards! (that's if you don't decide to give him a chance and question him about it first before giving him the heave-ho!)

CurlyhairedAssassin · 15/12/2008 22:42

Oh no......deffo no second chances allowed! Just put it down to experience and be bloody thankful that you found out at this point!

ingles2 · 15/12/2008 22:42

run..... run for the hills Canthiswork

CurlyhairedAssassin · 15/12/2008 22:43

But don't go near the carpark!

Original poster
CanThisWork · 15/12/2008 22:43

ChA, dont worry, you made me smile

I will definitely ask him about it but how do I tell him that I googled him? Wont that make me look like some mad bunny-boiling stalker?!

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