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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

OMG maybe he's not who I thought he was and just as it was all going so well :-(

46 replies

CanThisWork · 15/12/2008 22:19

Some of you may remember my thread last week about the guy I'd started seeing but didn't 'fancy'.

Well, I had started to become more attracted to him (although still didn't think phwoar when I looked at him!).

Anyway, yesterday and today he's been a bit off with me. Not responding to texts for a couple of hours, no good morning texts - which is very unlike him. I asked him about it and he said he was very busy at work and that a member of his family had taken ill - which was fine, I understood.

So then tonight, DD is at XP's and for some reason, I suddenly got the urge to 'google' him . I don't know where this came from or why I went through with it but I did.

I found a few different swinging/dogging/meet for sex websites which he has a profile on

I know it's definitely him as there are photographs of him on there and the descriptions of what he's looking for are quite graphic

He's logged in to a couple of these sites as recently as November (whilst we were chatting but before we were 'involved').

What do I do now? I'm sat here actually crying , I can't believe it, I really cant.

OP posts:

CurlyhairedAssassin · 15/12/2008 22:47

Thinking about it, I am surprised that you managed to go straight to those sorts of details on Google! Did you really only put his name in and there it was?

Or was it on about page 150 of the search results?! If so, then he MAY perceive you as a bunny-boiler!!!

CurlyhairedAssassin · 15/12/2008 22:52

You still there?

Let me know how you found it - am dying to know whether I can dig some dirt on anyone I know! Do I have to put "sex" into the Google search box as well as their name?

Coldtits · 15/12/2008 22:54

Just because he likes that sort of thing doesn't mean he wants you to do it. Don't panic! You don't fancy him anyway, let it lie.

Original poster

CanThisWork · 15/12/2008 22:54

I put in his nickname which he used on his PoF profile and which is also his email address.

There were about 6 pages though and I scrolled through and clicked on each one .

Although some were just car forums etc. Oh, and the paul o'grady fanclub

OP posts:

Original poster

CanThisWork · 15/12/2008 22:55

I kinda do fancy him now though, that's the problem!

If I'd done this a couple of weeks ago then it would all be fine.

But now we've gotten close and he's a really lovely bloke (or so I thought!)

OP posts:

CurlyhairedAssassin · 15/12/2008 23:01

6 pages does not make you a bunny boiler, no! Would do the same myself!

Suppose he could still be a really lovely bloke. Not sure I could live with him having that separate life though. I just wouldn't be able to get those images out of my head while we were getting jiggy with it if I were you! And having Paul O'Grady pop into my head would completely ruin the moment.

Coldtits · 15/12/2008 23:02

You can be a lovely person and have neopolitan tastes, you know.

lou33 · 15/12/2008 23:13

the paul o'grady thing would finish it for me

Original poster

CanThisWork · 15/12/2008 23:16

You're right he may still be a lovely person to some people.

But shagging married women in dodgy carparks late at night with other people watching isnt my idea of lovely.

And yes, the paul o'grady thing may just be the icing on the cake!

OP posts:

BobDowne · 15/12/2008 23:29

I'm so sorry CanThisWork. If he's into that sort of thing it would have been polite of him to mention it first really before you slept with him. Maybe he hasn't actually taken part yet but the fact that he's put his details on the sites shows he must be seriously wanting to give it a go!
Not something I'd want to be involved in.

devoutsceptic · 15/12/2008 23:50

Actually I'm not sure the Paul O'Grady fanclub might not be worse than the dogging

ninah · 16/12/2008 12:56

When your instinct tells you something is wrong, there usually is. Just remember how you first felt about him, before you tried to talk yourself into it! Wouldn't even ask him about it personally just let go

Tinkerbel6 · 16/12/2008 15:04

You could mention it to him, but then you would have to admit that you had goodled him, he might just be curious and as a single guy might have been up for it, now he is seeing you things might change, although you do seem to be having problems too soon into the relationship which isnt a good sign.

LiffeyCanSpellGeansaiNollaig · 16/12/2008 19:45

Canthiswork, I hear you. That would turn me off a seemingly nice man SO quickly. Faster than, I don't know a snaggle tooth or a bit of a beer belly.

I'm sorry. I wouldn't want somebody who put himself out there so cheaply like that.

I'm not saying that he wouldn't be capable of enjoying a real relationship, but I bet he'd love you in his own way but still do his carpark thing on the side.

LiffeyCanSpellGeansaiNollaig · 16/12/2008 19:48

Are you going to tell him you googled him? I mean, in a way, that's normal these days. He's pretty careless really.

CatchaChristmasStar · 16/12/2008 20:01

I don't know if you can really talk to him about this, can you? To do so you'd have to admit you googled him, and he might see that as 'mistrust' or something.

I don't kow how to feel about this. These 'acts' that he's into doesn't make him a bad person, and you said he was a really nice guy. He just so happens to be into some sexual stuff that you're not. We've all got sexual fantasies etc don't we? Although mine don't actually involve any of the above.

I think it would make me a bit uncomfortable to say the least, is there any way you could subtly ask him about what he's 'into'? Seeings as you've had sex, it may not be too suspitious.

ninah · 16/12/2008 20:06

well if you really want to find out what he's into you could log into a dogging site with an alias and chat to him. but since you were so half hearted in the beginning, why bother? OK, he's nice - but there's lots of nice men about, and one or two you might find more sexually compatable?

Original poster

CanThisWork · 16/12/2008 20:51

I spoke to a good (male) friend of mine today who said that I shouldn't say I googled him as it will make me look like a bunny

So I haven't yet decided on how or even if I'm going to ask him. After I've slept on this and calmed down a bit, I'm wondering whether to give him the benefit of the doubt.

He hasnt logged into any of the sites since we started dating. He also hasn't been back onto PoF since we met - surely that says something - doesnt it?

OP posts:

ELOB · 02/01/2009 14:09

im sorry but he is not boyfriend material unles you are happy with this sort of thing and he opens up to you about it. i think anyone who enters into such websites is happy to have sex with anyone and is not necessarily looking for a commited or even honest relationship. id stay well clear and trust your deep down instincts. there may be even more stuff you have yet to discover. i have experience of such hunches and been proved right each time and not one of those persons has been able to maintain a healthy relationship.

hercules1 · 02/01/2009 14:17

sorry is it really awful of me to lol at the bit in the thread where someone tells you to run to the hills and someone else says but no to the carpark!

hercules1 · 02/01/2009 14:18

I would run to the hills btw.

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