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Original poster

Internet dating tips required please

101 replies

IllegallyBrunette · 08/11/2008 13:53

Or in other words 'shit, someone i messaged who i thought would never reply, did, wtf do i say'.

I have actually replied already but it took me ages and ages to type it out because I kept deleting bits and wondering if i was saying the right thing.

If he replies again I will be completely stumped, although I have not asked about his job yet,suppose I could do that.

I need help.

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Original poster
IllegallyBrunette · 17/11/2008 17:47

I want fish and chips now I have read that.

Have just checked my mail and I had 2 messages from this bloke. First one said hi, you are lovely, like you profile, etc etc.

Second message from him said 'oh sorry, just read your profile properly and you have 3 kids. I am only looking for someone with no kids'.

I sent back 'LUCKY ME'.

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Original poster
IllegallyBrunette · 17/11/2008 19:01

LOL what a twat. He replied saying how he was the lucky one to not end up with someone with a shit an attitude as me.

He then blocked me so I couldn't reply. (wasn't going to anyway).

I really can't be arsed with this crap.

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Original poster
IllegallyBrunette · 17/11/2008 19:10

Oh and also meant to post that yesterday I had a guy more or less accuse me of being racist because I didn't reply to any of his messages.

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singledadofthree · 17/11/2008 23:50

oh what a twat!!

tho if you dig deep enough there is a compliment in there. it means he saw your pic, thought 'she looks good, i'd like to ... get to know her ' - and so got in touch.

tho it does mean he only speed read your profile - which is less good. and as for not wanting someone with kids - i wouldnt be put out. i know women with kids who wouldnt get involved with a bloke with kids - is fair enough. so long as theyre up front about it.

but it is a bit crap otherwise - there must be better sites than pof. have you been recommended to sarah beeney's site - whatever its called? i will if you like - will write lots of good stuff about you . tho i'm puzzled about your attitude - seems perfectly reasonable to me.

oh, and sorry my posts are a little late. i'm now working even longer hours - have had to give up my part time evening job for good as my proper job is never ending - the joys of being a single parent

Tinkerbel6 · 18/11/2008 09:51

IB what a lucky escape for you, feel free to name so we can avoid , pof does chuck out some oddballs but i'm sure there are nice one's there, don't let it knock your confidence.

Snaf · 18/11/2008 10:31

IB, why don't you try that one where the men have to pay but the girls go free? At least then the blokes will have made some sort of investment in the process - you might get a higher proportion of genuine ones.

I know you will still encounter wankers whatever site you try but - ime - POF is particularly attractive to the, ummm, less eligible type of man, let's just say

I have had a couple of interesting-looking emails (lots of meh ones too!) - suppose I need to take the plunge...

Original poster
IllegallyBrunette · 18/11/2008 18:00

I just think that perhaps I am not cut out for internet dating at all. It just all seems so staged and a bit false.

Not that i'd have been saying that if that original bloke had got back to me lol.

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alleve · 18/11/2008 18:15

I know what you mean. It doesn't feel natural to me, except the guy I met a couple of weeks ago, but he was only passing through. . I suspect people are just multiple dating and that's not a natural state either, or it wasn't until internet dating.

sparkybabe · 19/11/2008 18:28

I would love to give internet dating a go, but I think I'd rather go for a drink with a guy than potentially find a life-partner. Is there a site to meet up with guys who don't want a relationship? Cos I don't, but like I say, just for a drink/chat/something to do?

I wouldn't want to mislead anyone.

alleve · 19/11/2008 19:40

On any site men will state what they are looking for, some will say 'just friends', 'dating' or 'long term'. Guess if you are upfront with people in the beginning then that's OK.

hauntedcitylover · 19/11/2008 23:35

Just thought I would share this - just had a brief webcam chat (don't think I will be doing it again lol) with a guy from an internet site, who i had been chatting to.

I didn't feel that comfortable with it tbh but the funny thing was he didn't look anything like his profile photo. I didn't want to look too shocked (as I was on cam) but you have to wonder why someone would do that.

I found it rather intrusive tbh.

I am getting rather jaded with it - I also have two other long term correspondents who talk about meeting but I suspect they are players who are happy to just contact when they feel like doing so.

But otoh as I don't know what I really want it's quite hard because as other poster said I just want to take it slow (if he looks a keeper) or maybe just have some fun in the meantime.

Minefield IMO

hauntedcitylover · 19/11/2008 23:41

PS alleve - I must be so cynical but I just don't believe the ones who say they are looking for friendship or romance. Am I just a cynical hard bitten old bag?

lou33 · 20/11/2008 00:11

girls date for free is crap

lou33 · 20/11/2008 00:19

pof is the best of the freebies i have used, which is why i ended up there

i've made some good mates, had some dates, even dated the odd one for a few weeks

i generally end up talking to the nicer ones for many hours on msn, about a 101 different things

i am contemplating whether or not to arrange to meet someone as i speak actually

hauntedcitylover · 20/11/2008 10:26

Think I you saying Lou that you don't do webcam. Perhaps it might be different if you have talked with them alot or met them.

I just felt very self conscious

I am still quite shocked by that guy. He just looked nothing like his photo and if I do speak to him again (might block him) have to ask him why.

Also had a chat with a very angry guy the other week who was fighting for 50% residency. It dominated the whole conversation and although I understood it must have been eating him it really put me off him.

hauntedcitylover · 20/11/2008 10:27

sorry, think I remember you saying

hauntedcitylover · 20/11/2008 10:27

sorry, think I remember you saying

lou33 · 20/11/2008 10:29

yes you are right, i dont have a cam

hauntedcitylover · 20/11/2008 10:44

I didn't have one til recently (got a new laptop) - my DS was using it with his mates otherwise I wouldn't have realised.

I like to relax at home and be scruffy, unmade up - don't really want to be on display there as well.

sparkybabe · 20/11/2008 12:31

What sort of relationship are you looking for anyway? I'm just getting out of one, so I can't see me wanting to throw myself into anything, but just to get out, have a drink or a laugh and get out of the house would be nice.
Is it really daunting to go online?

hauntedcitylover · 20/11/2008 12:38

not really sure sparky - taking it all as it comes.

Not it's not that daunting but you do have to grow a thick skin.

lou33 · 21/11/2008 09:28

i thnk my skin is overly thick

SpandexIsMyEnemy · 21/11/2008 09:36

listen to lou on POF.

all I say with internet dating (and I met DP on there - pof that is) be careful, you get a lot of odd balls. talk on POF for a bit, then msn then think about meeting them,

about half form there never got my email address, and only about 10 or so ever got my mobile number, and less again got a date.

be careful but have an open mind, don't give too much about yourself away, and keep everything general - like you would talking to a general mate on MSN. oh and NEVER give your address etc out that can come after a few dates.

web cam - hmm sometimes it's ok, I think it depends on the person tbh and how the conversation's going. for the most part thou I spoke to people for 1 night, if I liked then they had a second night on POF then email - otherwise only one night.

if any of you gals would like a 29/30 year old man in essex I know of a lovely one.

43Today · 21/11/2008 09:47

Just wanted to put a positive message in IB - internet dating can work, I've been with my DP now for neary 18 months and met him on Dating Direct. Before that i had three and a half years with a lovely guy from Yahoo personals (don't think that exists anymore..)

I only met one tosser, and had 5 or 6 dates in total. Most were really nice guys. And I just clicked with my current DP - hopefully we'll be moving in together next year.

I didn't really like to have a long time emailing, IMing, phoning etc. I tried to meet the ones who seemed a good match as quickly as possible so you could really find out and not waste time getting emotionally involved with someone who then turned out to be unsuitable.

I always put on my profile that I was looking for a long-term relationship and ignored blokes who were only looking for 'fun'. Also I went on paying sites as I felt there would be fewer time wasters.

However I do wonder whether it might be an age thing - I am well over 40 and was looking for blokes between 35 and 50 - perhaps they get more serious minded? Mind you obviously I avoided the ones who were looking for 18 year olds..

Good luck! I'm sure it will work out for you in the end.

Original poster
IllegallyBrunette · 21/11/2008 22:08

I did try to move onto chatting on msn and thats when the guy this thread was in aid of did a runner.

It has put me off a bit tbh cos it made me feel like my initial reaction of 'he is too nice for me whats the catch' was right.

Since him I have gone back to my normal pof catches of nutters, old men and idiots. There hasn't been anyone since who I have felt remotely interested in chatting to.

At least I have left my profile on anyway. Normally by now i'd have got rid and be swearing to never go on there again.

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