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Original poster

Internet dating tips required please

101 replies

IllegallyBrunette · 08/11/2008 13:53

Or in other words 'shit, someone i messaged who i thought would never reply, did, wtf do i say'.

I have actually replied already but it took me ages and ages to type it out because I kept deleting bits and wondering if i was saying the right thing.

If he replies again I will be completely stumped, although I have not asked about his job yet,suppose I could do that.

I need help.

OP posts:
Original poster
IllegallyBrunette · 12/11/2008 15:07

No, no contact at all. I am not particularly surprised, but am slightly dissapointed that I was right about him seeming to be too nice.

OP posts:
alleve · 12/11/2008 16:25

I've decided that I hate internet dating again!

Just fallen for someone I met last week and he's already off to pastures new. OK he did warn me as he was passing through, doesn't live here just visiting, but still I'm more than dissapointed.

Never again. Sorry to rant on your thread.

Original poster
IllegallyBrunette · 12/11/2008 16:51

Ahh sorry to hear that alleve

I am not expecting to hear from the bloke I was chatting to again and along with being dissapointed I am also slightly confused and a bit pissed off.

Why make me think I was capable of attracting such a hot bloke at all ? Only to dissapear off the face of the earth because I asked if he'd like to add me to msn.

Weird.

I am having to try very hard not to think 'fuck this' and remove my profile. Instead I am concentrating on finding other blokes to send messages to, which is an achievement for me really, because normally i'd have had a strop and my profile would have been removed quicker than I can blink.

OP posts:
alleve · 12/11/2008 16:59

That's the spirit, don't delete your profile. Which site is it? I don't have a photo on mine so messages that I receive are mainly from men that wont to reply to let alone meet. I'm not a prolific user, until this one last week.

I've just sent him a snotty email as he has changed his profile wording on my advice! Pointed out a spelling mistake . Trouble with the sites is that even if you meet someone that you click with, how many other women are they trying to get off with!

Original poster
IllegallyBrunette · 12/11/2008 17:07

It is Plenty of fish, which generally I hate.

OP posts:
alleve · 12/11/2008 17:13

Same one as me. At least its free. I got a few drinks, dinner, romantic lunch out of it this week. He got my soul . Nothing in life is free . Best find out sooner I suppose.

Just be careful out there.

singledadofthree · 12/11/2008 21:17

haunted - the only women ive known online are on here. youve got to agree - there's a little eraticity going on here and there .

doesnt help that i seem to attract the psychotic ones - honest - my last gf told me that and she's never wrong - so she said

in truth tho ive got to admit to making a balls up of it, am far from mr perfect.

anyway illegally, pof??? use a proper site!! i know it costs a few quid, but some offer your money back if you dont find love. seriously, i couldnt put a price on that. otherwise i will be dragging you to the cinema whether you like it or not. tho you could live just a hundred miles or so closer

Original poster
IllegallyBrunette · 14/11/2008 09:50

I can't afford to use a site where you have to pay.

It has all gone very quiet here anyway, no messages at all.

Tis quite strange but not completely unsurprising.

OP posts:
JumpingDizzy · 14/11/2008 09:59

I met dp on the net but caught a few frogs in my net first
Good luck hope it works out.

JumpingDizzy · 14/11/2008 10:02

oh sorry just seen on this page it didn't work out
You get a lot of players on the net, men and women, so you have to be very careful.
Are you on plentyoffish.com? That's the one I used.
Dp tells me a lot of guys at work go on free sites, make things up and treat it like a game. They get women to do stuff on the cam etc..?
I think the internet is good and bad. It can make dating like a sweet shop where people pick and choose then maybe try another flavour? Sad really.
There are some really nice guys out there but you need to take it slow and be very cautious.

JumpingDizzy · 14/11/2008 10:04

Is there any way you can afford match.com or similar?

Original poster
IllegallyBrunette · 14/11/2008 10:06

Yeah i think you are right and that particular guy was just playing games.

I dunno. Trouble is I have very low confidence and self esteem and things like this make me feel quite shite.

OP posts:
Tinkerbel6 · 14/11/2008 10:08

IB leave it a while, he might have read your message but not had time to write out a long reply, he might be planning on contacting you in a few days, I'm like that also and it can often take me a week to reply to someone. Try not to give too much away about yourself from the start, have an aura of mystery about you that this guy will want to keep chatting to you to find out more about you, trust your own instincts aswell and that if you feel that he is only paying you lip service then you know to call it quits, good luck.

SDO3, about time you posted a pic of yourself for the ladies

Original poster
IllegallyBrunette · 14/11/2008 10:08

No, definatly can't afford to pay at all, and even if I could i'd rather spend the money on something else tbh.

I am so very tempted to remove my profile, but as it isn't attracting any interest anyway, I might aswell just leave it where it is for now.

OP posts:
Original poster
IllegallyBrunette · 14/11/2008 10:10

Nah I don't think so Tink. He has been online several times at the same time as me in the last few days so I think it is a definate brush off.

I just don't get it tbh. Maybe he had a better offer.

OP posts:
Tinkerbel6 · 14/11/2008 10:17

he could be a seriel fisher, get your rod out again and throw a line further afield, does he have many contacts ?

hauntedcitylover · 14/11/2008 10:33

I think you have to be in a place where you can take it all with a large pinch of salt. If anything more comes out of it then it's a bonus.

I do clearly remember a time, not so long ago, when I couldn't deal with that idea.

Don't know if that helps.

It has taken me a long time to realise that I am actually alright (cos I used to think I wasn't) and that everyone however confident they seem on the outside has self doubts and issues.

I can't really put my finger on how I changed it all - reading around the subject and sheer grit determination.

Tinkerbel6 · 14/11/2008 10:43

www.girlsdateforfree.com/

I have heard of this site but don't know anyone who uses it, has anyone used it ?

JumpingDizzy · 14/11/2008 10:47

my friend goes on girlsdatefor free, in fact she goes on all the free ones but tends just to chat and flirt

Agree with haunted, you have to take it with a pinch of salt. Although having said that I did meed dp on POF so it is possible. Plus a good friend of mine met her dp on there. I also know a few guys on msn who are genuine (or seem it) so there is hope.

aseriouslyblondemoment · 14/11/2008 12:49

finding this thread really interesting am sorry 2 hear that this guy hasnt made contact recently but quite honestly he might be busy or poss doesnt know quite what 2 say yet!And i think us women do tend 2 OVER ANALYSE everything!!!yes me esp!!
So think u should just tk it with v lge pinch of salt & see it as a bit of fun & if nothing else the chance 2 chat & make new friends!I have recently tried it(reluctantly)as my m8 swears by it & was just being plain nosey 2 see who her latest d8 was! i did a crap profile as I didnt have clue what 2 put down & yes the fear of someone who knows me meant i didnt do pic either!
well,have 2 report had lots of offers of sex,been asked out several times(1 is a genuine man but think he has trust/low self esteem issues caused by his circumstances) but not tk any1 up on it found it all a giggle!
But,have just met lovely man althou it early days we just seem 2 click & the conversation comes so naturally & fair play 2 him he hasnt pressurised me 4 anything he gave me his mobile no & said i could text if i wanted 2 so i thought what the hell & did were planning 2 meet soon!!

singledadofthree · 14/11/2008 23:33

IB - sorry to hear this guy has proved to be a dud. i take it he can see if youre online on pof? does sound like he's just playing at it - anyone decent wouldnt beable to ignore you while chatting to someone else - just isnt the thing to do.

i know how you feel with the whole confidence/esteem lark. being out of it - work/dating/socialising - so long makes it seem impossible to get back in.

i still think starting work will make all the difference. just having the challenges and purpose other than raising kids is a real boost, and you'll be better off.

your first post on here says it all. youre way too vulnerable and can get hurt far too easily. believe me, i'm a fella, have read some of your stuff now and then. you dont want to be hanging on some blokes every word. i dont mean to be preachy or patronising. my advice - crap as ever - would be to leave it for a while. get working, feel more confident and in control. and have the money to use a proper site, or just to afford to get out and do stuff.

meanwhile - hope the driving is going well if youve a lesson tomorrow.

is into dalby forest for me, a day of rallying . helps make up for not being able to race til the spring.

Original poster
IllegallyBrunette · 15/11/2008 08:04

Thanks SDO3, part of what you have said is right, about the self esteem and confidence issues but tbh I have pretty much always been like that so I am not sure it will ever change.

I am definatly not the type to hang on a blokes every word though.

Driving is going great, lesson in an hour or so

I am still getting messages on POF just not from anyone i'd be remotly interested in really.

This actually the second time this has happened on there, I only just remembered that.

Anyhow, have deleted original bloke from favourites and got rid of his messages so I am not tempted to send him any to ask why he is such a tosser.

OP posts:
Tinkerbel6 · 15/11/2008 10:11

I think you have done the right thing IB, you know when to call it quits and move on, oh and stop checking your messages, lol x

aseriouslyblondemoment · 15/11/2008 14:05

just re-read my last post sorry if it looked as if i were being smug what i was trying 2 say be4 being caught up in my own excitement was that id been messed about by bloke 2 who took up far 2 much of my time would message like crazy then bugger off or worse still go AWOL whilst on instant messagingwhich I find totally unacceptable
But yes there is a god lol!!this jerk rang me about an hour ago 2 tell me that hed been stood up 2day!then had cheek 2 ask why us women so confusing?US?
Anyway made me hoot serves him right tosser!!!
Be strong move on hes not worthy of ur time manners cost nothing!

PS he then had nerve 2 ask me would i come 2 lunch instead!!!AAGH BLOODY MEN!!!

singledadofthree · 15/11/2008 23:27

good to hear youve been driving again - have you done the theory yet? you need to practice hazzard perception til you can do it in your sleep.

and the hanging on every word - think i was talking more about me there - i tend to do that...well, i used to at least.

oh and rallying. we ended up in scarborough for the day - was excellent...couldnt find the stage in the forest - no signs, nothing. did mean fish n chips for lunch tho - couldnt find mcdonalds either for a change. i tend to home in on them anywhere in the country.

and well done for deleting tosser - you can afford to be fussy and hold out for a decent fella, youre far more of a sweetheart than psychotic bint - first sign of dodgyness, bin em.