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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Anyone doing or done the internet dating thing?

214 replies

MrsSnape · 01/10/2008 21:31

Getting sick of spending all my time alone. I never go out anywhere to meet anyone though so at the moment it seems this is the only way to go.

Have tried it a few times before but never had much luck, I've never put much effort in though and have always done half arsed profiles and usually no pic

OP posts:

zippitippitoes · 09/10/2008 18:28

i am aqt someone mentioning kids after less than a week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i have been seeing bf for a year and i have no idea whether he wants kids

lou33 · 09/10/2008 18:29

yes zippi its a bit intense isnt it?

zippitippitoes · 09/10/2008 18:39

hi how is your dating

we are staying in the lakes this weekend for our anniversary lolol

well i think any reference to a permananent relationship and kids when you have only known them five minutes is ick

and weird

i have been asked if id like to go to malta after xmas so i think i have a bit more time in this relationship

lou33 · 09/10/2008 18:41

dating is ok, nothing serious, just told one after 2 dates we wont be having a 3rd lol

i do so love hearing about you and your bf

witcheseve · 09/10/2008 18:46

I don't think mentioning that he'd like kids is that big a deal. If he said he wanted kids with you then yes, run a mile, also the ones who tell you they love you straight away. They are nutters IMO. Contradict me if you can.

IllegallyBrunette · 09/10/2008 19:24

I am not so sure I am unafraid of comittment now either tbh.

I think I am just too messed up by everything to ever have a proper relationship again anyway.

lou33 · 09/10/2008 19:28

you need to stop letting your ex affect your future, even if it is from pure spite to show him you are moving on

IllegallyBrunette · 09/10/2008 19:39

I am not, not dating because of him though, it is me that is the problem not him.

lou33 · 09/10/2008 19:52

yeh but its because of him iyswim

mylittlepudding · 09/10/2008 19:59

IllegallyBrunette - I don't know you, and others obviously do... so take anything I say as less value than their tuppenceworth. I think being confused and not ready and not past all that has happened in the past is totally different to having self esteem issues especially if caused by an ex. If you are in the latter group - which it sounds like you are - you don't need to be single or alone forever. I feel like all men miss the point at the moment - but I am confident I won't always feel like that. I wish you could be.

mylittlepudding · 09/10/2008 20:01

Meant to answer the question - I am looking around, but not into anything too intense (though my personality makes this a little difficult!) just some fun. And I am finding it fun - which is a big deal, and really great, given how uncertain I was not long ago. (using match.com after friends' recommmendation - the £10 a month seems to filter out most idiots)

IllegallyBrunette · 09/10/2008 20:02

I dunno, I don't think all of it is though Lou.

I ended up with him because I had self esteem issues and I still have them, but 100 times worse.

Thanks Mylittlepudding, I wish I could too.

Snaf · 09/10/2008 20:10

Oh Nutty, I wish something nice would happen for you - that sounds patronising and it's so not meant to be - I just wish you could have a boost.

Tbh I think internet dating can be fun but it does tend to magnify any self-esteem/confidence issues, ime. I have toyed with it on-and-off but recently deleted my profile from a site as I felt as if I really didn't want to pay to have all my worst fears about myself confirmed And the free sites do seem to attract a lot of losers - I know it's a snobby attitude to an extent but it's my attitude and I'm sticking with it!

You are such a lovely-looking woman, nutty. Your dp has really done a number on you, but it's up to you to not let it ruin the rest of your life (patronising again, sorry - you know what I mean).

IllegallyBrunette · 09/10/2008 20:11

No it isn't patronising, I know what you mean, and it is nice of you to say.

I just don't think it is because of xp anymore, it is me.

citylover · 09/10/2008 20:12

IB - I think you are alot younger than me so therefore more options possibly on the dating front and life generally (I am mid 40s with youngish dcs 12 and 7)

FWIW my strategy is now

if exbf (not exH) comes back tell him I can't just see him for fun because I have too stronger feelings for him. If I tell him that he will run for the hills prob but at least I will know where I stand
If an exceptional and I mean exceptional man comes along who I could take into my family unit and who I feel fairly confident would not turn abusive, controlling etc then great but I am not thinking this will happen
Cultivate one or two friends with benefits thru online (maybe thru rl) and have some fun in the meantime!!

I also wish to maintain some sort of social life with friends ie girlfriends and colleagues wherever possible.

Now I have decided this I feel so much more postive, clear and confident. Don't know if that is any help to you in thinking about your situation.

I don't have any fear of being single forever tbh. Until my DCs are older in my head am not entertaining a live in partner unless Mr Exceptional comes along or exbf comes good.

It's taken me a long time to come to this point but seems a realistic solution to my current circumstances.

It's so cliched but life is for living and also short. You can tell I have had a couple of glasses tonite!

Snaf · 09/10/2008 20:19

And you won't be single forever, nutty. You just won't. But you might be single for a while, and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

When does your job start, btw? Or has it already?

IllegallyBrunette · 09/10/2008 20:33

Still waiting to start Snaf, target start date is 3rd Nov, but it depends how long crb takes.

lou33 · 09/10/2008 20:33

Nutty, you were v young when you met him, all girls have issues at that age, he just built on them and used them to his advantage, thats what i mean

IllegallyBrunette · 09/10/2008 20:39

Yeah iswym, i still think it is me though.

lou33 · 09/10/2008 20:50

of course you would

IllegallyBrunette · 09/10/2008 21:06

I can't see it ever changing Lou tbh.

lou33 · 09/10/2008 21:09

thats a state of mind

work will bring in a new perspective , i bet you

allgonebellyup · 10/10/2008 09:23

Nutty - i never thought i would be dating again, but i am! Its only been this past month that i have suddenly felt like living again.

And i am really enjoying it, (even if bloke i am seeing wants it all to move a bit quicker).
It helps me to feel attractive again, and there is no (well not much) pressure to take it further than i want it. If i want to see 2 or 3 blokes at once, then i can.

I meet most of these blokes online, although some when im out and about/slightly drunk!

you dont have to do anything serious at all, just as much as you feel ready for.

Dont give up with the internet dating!!!
Honestly i must have chatted to about 200 blokes before i even met one i would consider seeing!

Tinkerbel6 · 10/10/2008 12:16

AGBU this new man sounds nice, but I would be warey of any guy wating to meet someones kids after only just meeting themm, I also agree he sounds a bit intense, keeps your eyes open with him and treat him as a bit of fun for now, if you are finding fault so early on knowing him then deep down you know yourself something just isnt right about him

zippitippitoes · 10/10/2008 12:19

i think this is the thing with internet dating it is a fact that you need to chat and contact lots myabe over a hundred people before you find someone you like

it is like trying to get a job you really want

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