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Lone parents

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Original poster

Here I am over 48hrs since DS1 and 2 told me they wanted live with daddy.........

44 replies

FAQ · 21/08/2008 21:38

admittedly in the midst of a horrendous afternoon. But DS1 is still saying he wants to.

Don't know what to say/do when he mentions it, I was hoping it was just the result of a really fun weekend at exh's house and a particularly bad afternoon. But he keeps bringing it up, even in totally random moments.

I know that all children go through phases of wanting to live with the absent parent - and he has briefly mentioned it before, but never like this. ex probably wouldn't be totally averse to having them either - but of course I don't want them to go

WTF do I do if he (DS1) keeps saying it???

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MascaraOHara · 21/08/2008 21:40

how old is ds1?

Original poster
FAQ · 21/08/2008 21:40

8 in 3 weeks time

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MascaraOHara · 21/08/2008 21:43

is he mature enough for you to say something like "think about it for a few weeks and if you still feel the same then we'll talk about it"?

probably he will have forgotten about it as soon as he gets back to school...

kids are so fickle. I would try not to take it to heart

Original poster
FAQ · 21/08/2008 21:48

yes he probably is - although he's doing my nut in tonight, begged me for ages for his own room so I got the "spare" room sorted for him. Painted it (colour he chose), new carpet (he chose), new furinture etc etc - now he wants to go back into his old room - except DS3 is in there with DS2 now. And when we went on holiday recently I had some name things for their door made specially for them - one for DS1, and one for DS2 and 3.

Just been upstairs (Again) as he was wandering round, he burst into tears and told me (again) that he wanted to live with daddy, and that he wants to go back into his old room.

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MascaraOHara · 21/08/2008 21:53

ahh bless him, he's probably struggling with the break up, can you spend some one on one time with him.. mayeb now if he's up and ask him if he would like to talk about anything specifically..

also you could ask him why he thinks he'd like xh's better? what he'd miss about home? etc

just in a gentle chat kind of way.. if he's not to old to snuggle up next to you maybe you could both ehave a hot choccy and a cuddle

Original poster
FAQ · 21/08/2008 21:54

we had a gentle chat just before I posted this thread - don't know what to do

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Original poster
FAQ · 21/08/2008 21:57

feels like even more of a kick in the teeth especially as this afternoon when we went to town we were discussing his birthday and what we were going to do for it, he's going to have a few friends for food at MacDonalds and then they'll come back here and have a PS2 marathon - he was really excited about it.........

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gothicmama · 21/08/2008 21:59

could it be he is feeling unsettled by the room change a case of teh grass is always greener and he feels lonely or is blaming you for making him move rooms talk to him about it let him know it is alright to feel how he does in a way it is positive he is saying dad's or my old room although hard for you

Original poster
FAQ · 21/08/2008 22:00

no he's saying he wants to move into his old room (been in his new one for about 2 months now) while he waits for daddy to sort it so that he can live with him

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Original poster
FAQ · 21/08/2008 22:02

and that's despite me explaining to him that there just isn't enough room for all 3 of them in their and that if he moved back into that room, I would move DS2 into the newly decorated one (I moved DS3 in with DS2 when DS1 moved out)

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Aimsmum · 21/08/2008 22:02

Message withdrawn

QuintessentialShadows · 21/08/2008 22:04

This must be hard for you.
Do you know if your ex is making arrangements for him to go live with him? Is it your ex that is giving him ideas?

IAteRosemaryConleyForBreakfast · 21/08/2008 22:05

Nothing constructive, just to say sorry you're going through this.

Pat on the back?

Original poster
FAQ · 21/08/2008 22:07

no I doubt very much ex has been giving him ideas - I posted on Tuesday (in chat I think it was?) about it briefly - and in the midst of my upset sent ex a text telling him that he "was right" about me not being able to look after them etc etc - he replied telling me not to panic it was just because they'd had a good weekend (which they did - it was the balloon festival - so the fair was on) - also heard from him tonight about next time he has them and after having had them for the whole weekend (2 nights) this last weekend it would appear we're back down to just the one next weekend.

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popcorn123 · 21/08/2008 22:08

Did he share with DS2 before? I might be feeling lonley in a room by himself.

I went through a funny phase after I had my own room (I was about 10) as I had always shared with my sister. My mum did work it out and I was better sharing again.

QuintessentialShadows · 21/08/2008 22:09

Can you ask him who he would rather share with? Ds2 or Ds3 (I dont know their ages, so dont know if that is a good idea or not).

Could you repaint the old room and possibly put new carpet in there also?

Original poster
FAQ · 21/08/2008 22:12

yes he was sharing with DS2 before - has done for about 3 1/2yrs.

Problem is that I can't really do that if I put DS1 back into the room he was in.

I bought brand new furniture for DS1's room (that he helped choose) and there's no space for the cot in there (plus it can get a bit cooler in DS1's room in the winter, he's old enough to cope with it now, but it'd be too cold for DS3 in the winter).

So DS2 would end up in DS1's new room (he wants red walls when I finally get around to doing his room ) which is blue - and DS1 would be sharing with DS3 (15 months)

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Original poster
FAQ · 21/08/2008 22:12

can't afford to repaint the old room - DS1's room was done with money I set aside from the money from my Granddad's estate

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stealthsquiggle · 21/08/2008 22:15

Could DS1 'camp' in with DS2 and DS3 for a few nights, while it is still holiday, just to cheer him up?

If XH isn't actively encouraging it, could you maybe suggest he sits down with you and XH to talk about it - or would that be too difficult for you?

Original poster
FAQ · 21/08/2008 22:18

I could try and jiggle things around in DS2/3's room so he can camp in there - the bottom bunk (well actually the entire room really) is full of carboot/ebay/bags of rubbish (nothing smelly in there honest) etc -

I'm not sure I could face sitting down with XH and talking about it......

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stealthsquiggle · 21/08/2008 22:23

so could you let him camp until the end of holidays and promise to talk about the whole living with Daddy thing once everyone is settled back at school?

Chances are the routine of school will make him forget about it.. [hopeful]? Don't blame you one bit for not being able to face talking with XH about it.

stealthsquiggle · 21/08/2008 22:25

plus sharing with his brothers will probably make him remember why he wanted his own room in the first place!

Original poster
FAQ · 21/08/2008 22:25

well it's going to be after the weekend before I'll have a chance to sort it to make space but anything is worth a try....

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stealthsquiggle · 21/08/2008 22:28

Maybe even the promise of action will cheer him up a bit?

Original poster
FAQ · 21/08/2008 22:32

I hope so - tomorrow is going to be boring for him in the day - I must get tidied up a bit first thing (was going to do it tonight, but this whole thing has left me totally unmotivated) then DS3 has his MMR at 11, I'm getting my hair cut straight after (and they'll be sat in the hairdressers with me while I'm having it done).

Thankfully he has his favourite babysitter to look forward to tomorrow night as I'm off out.......

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