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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

I can't do it alone, I am really sinking...

47 replies

mamachat · 12/08/2008 22:53

I just cannot do it all on my own.... DD is 13months old, very clingly and bf alot. She wakes every 1-2 hours to bf and is getting more clingly as teething and upset that me and ex p are finally over...

I feel sad enough about it all without dd being more clingly and not letting me take my nipple out of her mouth...

How will I ever manage alone??

I have some family nearby eho say they will help but I get the impression they are too busy with their own lives...

And at the end of the day it is just me and dd, no one else to rely on.

I have to do al the cooking and cleaning and carry dd around while I do it all, it is too much for me to handle...

I need to get dd sorted out, I need to stop bf and teach her to sleep through the night but I do not have the energy. Thinking about using a super nanny kind of person, not that I have the money but might put it on the credit card as will make life easier...

God I hope things will get easier!!!!

OP posts:

objectivity · 12/08/2008 22:55

They will, they will! Honestly.

Where are you?

ninah · 12/08/2008 22:58

I totally promise you it will get easier.
One step at a time. Try dd with bottle to start? could be a bit of extra via bottle helps her sleep and tires you less.
Call your family tomorrow and tell them what you posted here.
And don't worry too much about the cleaning right now.

tortoise · 12/08/2008 22:58

They will get better. My DD2 used to cling to me all day. She is now a confident 4 yr old. It is really hard but you can get through it.

Pannacotta · 12/08/2008 23:01

DO you have any friends with babies of similar ages you can meet up with, or toddler groups you can go to? I always find that meeting up with friends and their DCs helps pass the time and makes you feel less alone.
Am not a lone parent but my DH works away a lot so am often at home on my own with my DSs who are 3 and 1 and it is very hard work, you have my sympathy. Also can you ask our family to help with specific things or arrange things in advance if they are busy?

If it makes you feel better my breastfed DS2 is 15 months and doesnt sleep through yet.

ninah · 12/08/2008 23:03

tortoise just reminded me, my dd was one when we moved here, a neighbour said recently, you'd hardly believe that litte girl is the same baby that used to cling to you all the time and cry.

Original poster

mamachat · 12/08/2008 23:06

I'm in London, dd can drink out of a bottle or cup but she uses my breast as her comforter... But wil not drink milk from anything other than me...

I know alot of babies are given a bottle in their cot and go straight to sleep.

Tonight I gave my dd calpole as she is teething and it kept her awake instead. Poor thing was so tired and just lying on top of me with her mouth on my breast, looking like she really wanted to sleep but couldn't...

Somtimes I feel like saying just leave me alone but I know it is not her fault and I am the only person in the whole world that can make things better for her... And I don't always know how to make things better..

I really feel like crying alot but can't as I might never stop...

OP posts:

tortoise · 12/08/2008 23:06

ninah I said something like that to a friend recently. DD2 is about to start school and tells me she isn't going to cry like DD1 does when i leave her at school. DD1 used to be the confident one!

Ewe · 12/08/2008 23:08

mamachat, I could have written your post, my DD is almost 5months old and adorable but very demanding. I am really struggling atm too, XP being a twat and I always feel like I am imposing in family and friends.

Things must will get better, for both of us You can do it alone.

Original poster

mamachat · 12/08/2008 23:09

I only have one friend that has a baby as I am quite young... I can never really be bothered to meet up. I go to baby groups but as it is summer hols they are not on at the moment...

I force myself out of the house every day around 12 or 1 just so dd can nao in the pram as I am trying to wean her off the breast and have no other way of getting her to sleep other than breast, pram or car...

OP posts:

ninah · 12/08/2008 23:13

mama I used to have dd in double bed with me, she fed through night with minimum disruption. Was always scared to co-sleep with ds but it seemed to work fine with dd.
You will cope, honestly you will. I know at the moment it's hard to imagine. One day at a time.
ask someone from your family round, sister? Some company in the evening, once in a while will help.
tortoise it's a pleasure when that happens, isn't it! nothing phases my dd

Original poster

mamachat · 12/08/2008 23:13

I'm sure I will manage but it is just so hard..

I didn't really want it to end with ex p but he started being violent infrount of dd so had to end it for her sake as well as mine.

So I guess I have to get over the relationship as well as learn to cope alone...

I love dd to bits, and I think the reason she is so clingly is because I never gave ayone the chance to get near her as I wanted her all for me. And now she wants me all for her... lol..

OP posts:

Original poster

mamachat · 12/08/2008 23:15

I think i will invite some friends over but feel it is a hassel as will have to clean up etc... Also feel dd will be wakening up aot for my attention then friends will think 'oh she should be sleeping through the night by now'

OP posts:

Original poster

mamachat · 12/08/2008 23:17

I think if I had a house maid and a cleaner, and a baby sitter for 2hours per day (one morning and one evening) then I would be fine... lol

OP posts:

ninah · 12/08/2008 23:20

My situation was a bit similar. As horrible as the relationship was I mourned it for ages. Too long, actually.
Your dd is only 13 months, nothing wrong with clingy (apart from the drain on you). Give each other lots of cuddles, that is perfectly ok!
It is very hard at first, I know. Just keep remembering that you have done the right thing, and that things won't always be as tough as they are now. Only way is up!
Do you have contact with ex now?

Pannacotta · 12/08/2008 23:20

You could always offer your DD a dummy as a means of comfort and way of settling to sleep, I have found dummies useful for my demanding breastfed babies even if some people dont approve, nothing wrong with my DS1's speech either.
And I also have DS2 in bed with me (us) at night to make the night time feeds easier.
Am really not convinced that weaning your DD off breast milk will make life any easier, probably quite the opposite as its a huge comfort thing esp if she is teething.
Can you take her out to a local park during the day, its a good distraction and often a good way to mix with/meet other babies/mothers?

ninah · 12/08/2008 23:22

Invite your friends! they will understand if the house isn't spotless. As for judging dd's sleep patterns, of course they won't?
maybe one friend at a time is less hassle, and you can have a really good chat.

Original poster

mamachat · 12/08/2008 23:40

It only ended with my ex last week so have not had any contact, he has got bail conditions as I went to the police so thankfully he has not contacted me... Usually when we split up he still sees dd which gives me a well needed break but I am not letting him have contact with her at the moment as he took her out of my home at 2am when he was babysitting her...

I have tried dummies from a young age and she would never take one. When she was born she used one but interfearing midwives told me not to give it to her and I stupidly listened....

OP posts:

Original poster

mamachat · 12/08/2008 23:40

I have tried dummies from a young age and she would never take one. When she was born she used one but interfearing midwives told me not to give it to her and I stupidly listened....

OP posts:

Original poster

mamachat · 12/08/2008 23:41

I know things will get better, but there are so many ups and downs..

Today I felt fine whan I was ou but in the evening you reaise how alone you really are, esp when dd will not get off my nipple and I have not cleaned up...

OP posts:

ninah · 12/08/2008 23:45

Ok, so just you and dd to concentrate on, sounds for the best right now.
You have had a time of it. At least now you can shut your door and know that you and dd are safe. Start from that.
I do hope you get some rest tonight and please let us know how things go.
I never would have believed I'd cope either, but the fact that you have to gives you amazing strength. Take care!

Original poster

mamachat · 13/08/2008 00:03

Yea I better get to bed now as dd will soon be awake again.. Thanks for all your support...

OP posts:

chocolatespiders · 13/08/2008 18:01

it may be worth seeing if you have HOMESTART in your area... they could link you up with a volunteer so you get a few hours distraction from dd....

snotbuster · 14/08/2008 11:01

hi Mamachat - hope you're feeling better today. I was in a very similar position to you this time last year. It honestly does get easier - I expect you're still in shock after what's happened with your ex. You've definately done the right thing but will be tough to start with.
Just wanted to say that (although a lot of people criticize them) Health Visitors can be really helpful at times like these. Yours might be able to link you up with homestart like chocolatespiders suggested, or know about other support available in your area.
Keep coming back here too! Best of luck x

citronella · 14/08/2008 12:01

Hello mamachat,
Agree with ninah and just wanted to say how much I sympathise with what you are going through. You are not alone on here and although it doesn't seem like it now things really will get better. Also, you said you are quite young (?). I think that is a positive in terms of energy levels and also that you have time ahead of you to rebuild a life for you and dd.
Take care.

CuckooClockWorkOrange · 14/08/2008 12:10

It will get easier. Maybe one of your family could come and help you out just while you get your dd off breast and onto ff? It will take a few days and if you're at breaking point, you wouldn't be able for the extra crying. Get somebody to come 'round just to keep you company for that.

Your dd is not clingy because her parents relationship is over though!!! She knows nothing about it. HOnestly.

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