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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

I can't do it alone, I am really sinking...

47 replies

mamachat · 12/08/2008 22:53

I just cannot do it all on my own.... DD is 13months old, very clingly and bf alot. She wakes every 1-2 hours to bf and is getting more clingly as teething and upset that me and ex p are finally over...

I feel sad enough about it all without dd being more clingly and not letting me take my nipple out of her mouth...

How will I ever manage alone??

I have some family nearby eho say they will help but I get the impression they are too busy with their own lives...

And at the end of the day it is just me and dd, no one else to rely on.

I have to do al the cooking and cleaning and carry dd around while I do it all, it is too much for me to handle...

I need to get dd sorted out, I need to stop bf and teach her to sleep through the night but I do not have the energy. Thinking about using a super nanny kind of person, not that I have the money but might put it on the credit card as will make life easier...

God I hope things will get easier!!!!

OP posts:

ninah · 14/08/2008 20:50

How are you?

Original poster

mamachat · 14/08/2008 21:09

Thanks for the support everyone, I think I will let ex p see dd, it is not helping any of us to stop contact as when he takes me to court he will get to see her anyway and it will just make her upset as she has not seen him for ages..

I will drop her off at my mums so he can collect her there, so then I do not have to see him.

Had another bad day with dd, bad tempers and pulling out clumps of hair.

DD is better when we are alone, she really plays up around other people like she wants all my attention..

I really feel I need some help like a super nanny type of person to help get dd on track.

OP posts:

estuaryfairy · 14/08/2008 21:20

My dd is exactly the same at 14 months. Bf'd her exclusively for the first 6 months, tried (everything) to get her onto a bottle after that and she wasn't having any of it! At 9 months I was talking to my GP and he said 'Well, from her perspective, why should she settle for second best?' and that's exactly right. I know they recommend exclusive breastfeeding for the first 6 months, but they should add that you could express and introduce your baby to the concept of a bottle now and again, just to get them used to the idea. I know someone who has done this and their baby switches happily between breast and bottle . Anyway, have managed to get dd down to one morning and one night-time bf simply by distracting her at other times she pulls my top down, usually in public by playing games, pulling ridiculous faces, dancing like a loon, switching on Nick Jr - anything really! HV says she should be on a pint of cow's milk a day, haha, but HV clearly doesn't have a child who projectile spits cow's milk whenever it's put in her sippy cup. I get milk into her by adding it to scrambled eggs, cereal, porridge and rice puddings and give her lots of cheese! Don't worry about your dd being clingy because you're not with her dad though, like Cuckoo said, she really doesn't understand that. My dd was 8 months when I split with her dad and was completely oblivious to everything, including being in a new house. I'm not with the handing them over to someone else school, but sometimes, as hard as it is, you do have to let them cry for a bit. It is heartbreaking, but letting her cry for 5-10 minutes, (you know her boundaries), and then going in to comfort her, not breastfeeding, just cuddling, repeat as necessary, might help her re-learn her routine.

objectivity · 14/08/2008 21:24

Hiya

Meant to come back to this thread

I do sleep training and behaviour management stuff,but am starting full tim work in September as a Family support worker so stopping the self employment to do that. In the meantime I'm happy to help anyone who needs it for pocket money really so do shout if interested. I have helped one or two other musnetters in the past.

And don't feel a failure, my life has been dire at times so I never ever view admission of struggling negatively at all. I hope it gives me a bit of extra empathy iyswim?

Original poster

mamachat · 14/08/2008 22:08

objectivity - I am very intrested, I live in london, are you nearby?

Have you got a website or any information on your services and fees?

OP posts:

mamalovesmojitos · 14/08/2008 23:11

mamachat, hope you're feeling ok.

great posts already, saying everything that needs to be said!

but i just wanted to echo that things WILL get better. when i broke up with dd's dad last year i was sick with devastation. didn't know how i could cope with dd. and she was three!

my heart goes out to you. but really, this early part is the worst part. i can honestly say i've gone from despair to feeling fantastic.

the first year of a new baby is the toughest. it'll get better from here on.

dd is four now, and i still find the evenings a bit lonely from time to time. my friends are all young and living their lives in different universities and countries. but that's where mumsnet comes in!

zookeeper · 14/08/2008 23:20

Hi Mamachat

congratulations on ending a violent relationship - you have done the best and bravest thing that you could have done for your DD by doing that imo.

Be kind to yourself. You have been through a difficult time. Concentrate on getting through each day and worry about the future when you feel stronger. It will get easier

bluejelly · 14/08/2008 23:27

Hi mamachat
Just wanted to say my dd was the same, breastfed, woke up through the night. My ex was also useless and irresponsible!
I felt so trapped and down.
It took me till she was nearly 2 to turn a corner, but I stopped bf then, she slept through the night ( only took a few days to make the switch) and things just got better from then.
Dd is now 9 years old, very independent, an absolute joy and such an easy child. I have heard people say that very clingy babies become very independent children, and to be honest I think it's true.
Don't give up hope, get your friends round and you will get through the next few months. Things will def get easier as she gets older I promise.

Original poster

mamachat · 14/08/2008 23:27

Thanks for the support, I hope it will be easier, I just feel I have smothered my dd with love and never gave anyone too much of a chance to get too close to her and now she expects all love and comfort from me...

Now she is starting to get spoilt as she still wants all that love and more now...

I will get on track just need time to get her behaviour sorted and for me to learn how to deal with her better.

She has got such a great personality when she is not moaning and being demanding. And i just feel people never really see that as she wants to cling to me all the time...

OP posts:

bluejelly · 14/08/2008 23:30

I don't think you can spoil a baby, i was incredibly indulgent with my dd. Once she got to two i started to give her clear boundaries. But before that i think it's good to respond to their every need, seriously.

Original poster

mamachat · 14/08/2008 23:39

Thats how i have always felt but now feel it is taking its toll on me. I feel bad to leave her with anyone incase she is hard work, but when I leave her she is fine...

But she has started being very scared around my family members recently as I have left her with them a few times and she does not want me to leave her again...

OP posts:

bluejelly · 14/08/2008 23:41

I think that's normal, my dd went through clingy stages... from the age of about 3 though she was really happy to go for sleepovers or to stay with her grandma. I even left her for ten days when she was 4!
I know how difficult it is when they are so dependent on you but it will pass I promise and the more love and reassurance you give her now, the more secure she will be later, I'm sure.

Original poster

mamachat · 14/08/2008 23:44

i hope so, but 3 seems like a looooong way away... lol

OP posts:

bluejelly · 14/08/2008 23:51

Things got loads better for me before 3, it's just that 3 was when she started asking to stay at people's houses, if you see what i mean...
Anyway hope you have an easier night tonight and she doesn't wake up too much

zookeeper · 15/08/2008 00:14

Welcome to lone parenthood - you will always wonder if anything at all that your child does or does not do is down to you not doing something right.

If you're worried that you're smothering her with love sounds as though you really aren't doing anything wrong.

ninah · 15/08/2008 20:33

mamachat, sounds like you are doing a great job please don't worry about how your dd is at the moment. I hope you can spend some time with your family and friends, around dd or not, so that you can get some conversation. If your mum will do handovers to ex that's great too.
I know it seems endless now, but one day you'll suddenly draw breath and she'll be at preschool!

Original poster

mamachat · 15/08/2008 23:49

Thanks everyone, I am feeling more positive today as I did not feed dd from 7am till 7.30pm, hope we can have a few more days like this...

And she has been in a good mood today which helps, I think when I am feeling more positive it rubs off. Even tho when I am feeling rubbish I try to pretent everything is ok but I think she can see thro it all... Tooclever for her own good...

OP posts:

Original poster

mamachat · 15/08/2008 23:51

Objectivity - where have you gone? come back, I still need your help lol

OP posts:

bluejelly · 16/08/2008 00:19

Hi sorry am not objectivity but just glad you had a bit of a better night/day
That's great that she didn't feed all night, hope you got some rest!

objectivity · 16/08/2008 12:00

Hi there

Email me if you like! aimie louise at hotmail dot com

Original poster

mamachat · 16/08/2008 20:55

Thanks bluejelly, everyone has been so supportive, I don't know what I would do without MN...

OP posts:

Lovesdogsandcats · 17/08/2008 11:35

Aw, you will get through this even though it doesn't seem it now.

Its the lack of unbroken sleep that does it i feel.

Good luck and hope objectivity could help.

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