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Lone parents

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Original poster

Absolutely fucking suicidal

103 replies

PurpleOne · 04/08/2008 03:08

and I mean literally.

I cannot go on like this. Really.
I am bored of the dcs, eeven though I love them to bits, somebody else could give them a better life surely?
I am so fucking lonely. Every man I date has ishooos or wants sex.
Exh has moved on and is married now. He is ripping me off with maintenance. So much so, I am getting docked the money in my IS but he isnt paying it.
His wife is a cunt. And my kids tell me that too. She hits them, says things about mummy in front of them. Threatens to slap me. Devout religious the pair of them now.

My best mate and my parents fucked me off cause they all thought I was a shit mum, and my best mate told me so (in her married up, 3 bed house, 2 car, £1.300 Smeg fridge bubble)
I only told my mum not to smoke in here (1 year anniverasry coming up) My dad took her side...we have no other family left.
I have no mates left. The only ones left are enablers that I tell not to bring drink, and they still do. I am an alcoholic and have been for the past year or so. Been to AA, tried reduction, nothing works., Need a bloody detox but doctor wont offer it because I'm unsupported.

Falling behind with my OU courses. Always bloody working and can't afford childcare so means my kids are left to run riot and my house is wrecked by the end of the day. Then I try and clean it up.

There is no fucking solution. There is no support. My kids would be better off without me. All I ever do is work, clean up my house and get pissed. I try to go out on dates but exh wrecks it all cause the dd;s tell him....then arrives late.

I've been through DV without any counselling...and I think this is the root cause of it all...but I still want to die.
Can't be arsed anymore. Just totally fed up of being unloved, unwanted and unneeded. Criticised, moaned at and just being a shit person.

OP posts:
Original poster
PurpleOne · 05/08/2008 23:23

The two things I would change in an instant would be the drinking and the debts.

I go and see this keyworker and she's great in her own way. Said she will come to court with me...but on the other hand she says 'no more getting pissed'. Yeah that's easier said than done. She hasn't offered me any coping skills or strategies when things get hard. And detox is out of the question. She said I could either go into rehab which means my kids go into care, then I have to prove my sobriety to get them back..or a home detox but there's no one to babysit me.

Am going to email my tutors and see if I can get my courses deferred for a while. Deep down I knew that 2 courses would be too much, but wanted to prove to myself and to others that I really wasn't a fucking failure. I get halfway through an essay and the kids knick my pen or they trample all over it or scribble on it and I have to start all over again.

Just looked over the state of the house and there is straw and guinea pig poo trailed throughout my living room floor. We all took piles of ironing upstairs and mine has been put away, but my kids have just kicked it all over the place.

And TBH, I cannot remember the last time my phone actually rang for me. And not some poxy creditor or the dd's mates. It's just so lonely and black.
The one thing I'd love right now is a hug.

OP posts:
FioFio · 06/08/2008 07:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AMAZINWOMAN · 06/08/2008 08:00

Every day, despite all your problems, you give your kids a hug at bedtime and tell them that you love them. Your kids know that you love them, and that they are the most important things in your life.

Los of kids don't know that their parents love them. So you are a good Mum.

Your kids are at an age where they will answer back, be cheeky and it is horrible, but a normal, part of them growing up. Just look at all the posts on teenagers and most will say I don't like my teenagers, what a pain they are etc!!!

I don't know anything about giving up alcohol. I have just found this website, so this may help.

www.sadas.org.uk/withdraw-from-alcohol.php

It says you have flu like symptoms. So is it possible, to stock up on pizza and beans on toast so the kids will have something to eat?
Have loads of dvds ready? There must be other support sites on the internet to help you try and make a decison about a home detox

ruddynorah · 06/08/2008 08:03

how old are your children and where in the country are you?

youcannotbeserious · 06/08/2008 08:07

PO - Can you not find a mentor at AA? You could certainly find people willing to babysit you...

Have you been through and kept a diary - Look at why / where / when you want to drink. That will be the first step in cutting those triggers out.

You mentioned that people bring alcohol to your house. Can you stop them coming? You need to be around people who accept that you want to stop drinking... Not people who want you to continue drinking.

I'm sorry if it sounds over simplistic, but can you join a couple of activities with your kids (not sure how old they are?) to get you out of the house, meet some friends and get you out of the circle of drinking friends.

It's ironic that you mention drinking and debts together - Without the drinking, you would be able to start clearing the debts... One because you wouldn't be spending money on alcohol and two because you'd be able to finish your coursework and get a better job...

I'm not saying that to make you feel bad. what I mean is that right now, alcohol feels like your friend. You turn to it when you are down / lonely / sad.... but it is not your friends. Friends don't stop us achieving what we want to achieve in life.

1066andallthat · 06/08/2008 09:27

OK - would your parents take the kids while you go into detox? Would you want them to? If you do, could you get definite dates and approach them - so, they know you are serious - take your keyworker with you? Could you take the rejection if they said "no"?

Are you in the right place for detox? If you are, then, respite care, if your parents won't help, might actually be better than struggling on.

If you can get the alcohol sorted, the rest will fall into place, even if it is really, really hard. Have you read the threads about recovering from alcohol addiction?

You've ironed stuff? Are you DCs old enough to do their own? I have a pile of ironing to do - must get a fluffy dvd and get on with it.

Hold on in there - will be back later.

SueMunch · 06/08/2008 12:13

I know you have probably heard this before but alcohol does not solve anything. Another way to look at it is - would drinking lots of coffee solve your problems?

I know this from experience. All it does is give you a brief rest from your worries but when it wears off you feel far, far worse. It took me years to realise it was a depressant and it just makes you feel darker and darker.

I found a way of coping by concentrating on small things that I could change. For example, I'd do things like tidying one drawer in my kitchen, then slowly work around the house on the areas that you are struggling with. Have you got any friends who would be willing to help you with this?

You should also speak to a debt counsellor as soon as you can - just talking things through with them can put your mind at rest.

Once you get the debts in focus then you might find that you start to relax a bit more.

Hope this helps - take care.

youcannotbeserious · 06/08/2008 14:14

I don't think PO's parents are an option.

PO - I just wanted to add... I know you love your kids. I've read your posts.

You tell your kids you love... but, hun, you could show them by getting off the drink.

Believe me, I'm not sitting here on some whiter-than-white moral high ground here. I went through a few months last year when I was drinking far too much, drinking every day, drinking because I was so unhappy with my life and alcohol was my friend.

But, my life became chaotic and it's only resolved itself since I stopped drinking destructively.

Believe me when I say it's the alcohol causing many of the problems you are facing.

chloemummy · 06/08/2008 14:35

Hi Purpleone. I live in Walthamstow which is near you and i have had similar probs to what you discuss. If you want to email me privately I will talk as I dont want everyone to know my business.

In walthamstow they have an abstinance progr which involves counscelling at 1NE. The tel no is 8509 1888. my email is [email protected]

Take care

1066andallthat · 07/08/2008 10:10

Morning! How was yesterday?

Have you been in touch with chloesmummy and Tinkerbel6?

This made me think of you earlier (from Today's Guardian):
"You have said that a lack of familial support was a contributory factor to your distress. We all need support from others - and some of us need more support than others - but this doesn't need to come from one's family."

Today I have "men" (teens/early twenties) with brooms and a mop and bucket.

gillybean2 · 07/08/2008 10:42

PurpleOne I've been feeling really down myself so haven't wanted to bring you down further by offering to call you etc. But thinking about it, sometimes just hearing another voice can make all the difference. To know someone is thinking of you too. I can't remember when anyone called me just to say hello either. It's really disheartening. But we can fix that for each other maybe!

So email me any time gillybeans at hotmail.com and maybe we can sort out swaping phone numbers. Also Tinkerbel and Chloemummy is it ok for me to email you both too?

Also I would be happy to arrange a day out somewhere with you and the dc's. When you went to Chessington how did you get there? Train, bus? Only asking so I can figure out the best way of us all getting somewhere. I have some Tesco days out vouchers so we could use those to go to Adventure Island or somewhere like that. Or maybe even just go to the cinema or bowling or something nearer to you. I have a (very small) car so can drive to you, but it'd be a squash to fit 5 in and no middle seatbelt. Also I am working quite a few more days of the holiday, but I'm sure we can sort something out!

Get in touch. Let's try and have a day out somewhere and escape from real life for a few hours!

Gilly

chloemummy · 07/08/2008 12:07

Hi Gilly,

Yes it is ok to email me? I am a lone parent but I do not have any family help whatsoever. Most lps have some sort of help!!

I have tesco day out vouchers too... not got transport. My dd been to legoland with holiday club and she is going to adventure island (southend?) next week.

Would love to go out somewhere - were do you live?

Sue

gillybean2 · 07/08/2008 12:29

Hi, I live in a very small village. Our nearest train station is Southminster (way out on the coast)

We too are meant to be going to Southend next week (Friday 15th). When is your dd going Chloemummy and are you going with her? Don't supose it's on Friday too by any chance is it?

Maybe we can persuade PurpleOne to come along with us if it is! She's in Ilford and I've been checking out the train timetables. She can get from Ilford to Southend on the train fairly easily, will take about an hour and have to change at Shenfield. Train tickets can be ordered online and delivered to her address but must allow 4 days for post...

So come on PurpleOne, how about it?

gillybean2 · 07/08/2008 12:42

Tinkerbel your email doesn't work. Was it meant to be babe, or baby maybe?

chloemummy · 07/08/2008 13:55

Sorry Gilly got it wrong she is going on thursday 21 July with her holiday club. I will not be going.

chloemummy · 07/08/2008 13:55

Sorry Gilly got it wrong she is going on thursday 21 July with her holiday club. I will not be going.

1066andallthat · 07/08/2008 15:55

Come on Purple - RL support. Go girls - have fun .

chloemummy · 08/08/2008 10:04

Purpleone are you there.... Please can you post so that we know that you are ok

Tinkerbel6 · 08/08/2008 13:13

gilly going to email you

Original poster
PurpleOne · 08/08/2008 19:05

I'm here. Just on my way out but will email you prob tomorrow.

RL sounds good to me

chloe, tinker, gilly...I have all your email addys. Many thanks. I'm overwhelmed.

Southend for the day sounds really great. getting there on a train isn't too much prob as I have a railcard also...

Talk soon x x

OP posts:
Original poster
PurpleOne · 08/08/2008 19:07

Oh, my email is carolkenton at hotmail dot com

OP posts:
1066andallthat · 08/08/2008 23:36

Glad you're about, PurpleOne, and have something to plan and look forward to. Fingers crossed you get some sun.

Original poster
PurpleOne · 09/08/2008 02:37

I went for a date tonight and exh dropped the kids off at the pub I was going to.

Kids appeared 3/4 of way through the date and I told exh about this ages before. Getting down and hot..and suddenly my kids appear out of nowhere.

I hide my masks when it coms to dating, I just cant believe he would steep so low. He's married now, but always does this.
Arrives late, creates a fucking drama...this is the first time he's dropped them off via date and no dramas....

Bastard, he does this on purpose....

OP posts:
1066andallthat · 09/08/2008 10:40

So, you never, never tell him in future - lesson learnt. How old are your DCs?

Will you be able to pick up where you left off another night? Now, I am envious about having a date - last one was 13 years ago - ha, well.

Off to the beach - so must pack a picnic. Have a good day - plan evil forms of revenge on your ex-.

Tinkerbel6 · 09/08/2008 13:23

PO I think that is so wrong what your ex did, you know what next time you want to go on a date email me and if i'm free I will come over with my daughter and you can go out, friggin unbelievable what he did