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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Absolutely fucking suicidal

103 replies

PurpleOne · 04/08/2008 03:08

and I mean literally.

I cannot go on like this. Really.
I am bored of the dcs, eeven though I love them to bits, somebody else could give them a better life surely?
I am so fucking lonely. Every man I date has ishooos or wants sex.
Exh has moved on and is married now. He is ripping me off with maintenance. So much so, I am getting docked the money in my IS but he isnt paying it.
His wife is a cunt. And my kids tell me that too. She hits them, says things about mummy in front of them. Threatens to slap me. Devout religious the pair of them now.

My best mate and my parents fucked me off cause they all thought I was a shit mum, and my best mate told me so (in her married up, 3 bed house, 2 car, £1.300 Smeg fridge bubble)
I only told my mum not to smoke in here (1 year anniverasry coming up) My dad took her side...we have no other family left.
I have no mates left. The only ones left are enablers that I tell not to bring drink, and they still do. I am an alcoholic and have been for the past year or so. Been to AA, tried reduction, nothing works., Need a bloody detox but doctor wont offer it because I'm unsupported.

Falling behind with my OU courses. Always bloody working and can't afford childcare so means my kids are left to run riot and my house is wrecked by the end of the day. Then I try and clean it up.

There is no fucking solution. There is no support. My kids would be better off without me. All I ever do is work, clean up my house and get pissed. I try to go out on dates but exh wrecks it all cause the dd;s tell him....then arrives late.

I've been through DV without any counselling...and I think this is the root cause of it all...but I still want to die.
Can't be arsed anymore. Just totally fed up of being unloved, unwanted and unneeded. Criticised, moaned at and just being a shit person.

OP posts:
VictorianSqualor · 04/08/2008 15:57

Read this

shirleyghostman · 04/08/2008 15:59

PO - I really feel for you and I hope you are feeling better today.

Lots of good advice from others here. Call the samaritans as it will help you off load knowing that you have someone who is listening to you in RL if you know what I mean.

As for the house being a tip - do what was suggested get a cleaning rota drawn up. Anyway you want to see mine - the garden shed is cleaner than this hovel at the moment.

As for the coin side of things - go and speak to the CAB as soon as possible.

ShinyPinkShoes · 04/08/2008 19:30

I anybody in contact with the OP off board?

Might it be a good idea for someone to check on her?

mamalovesmojitos · 04/08/2008 19:48

oh god. purpleone. please read these posts a few times and the links. all of us care.

it sounds like you have been left with an awful lot to deal with. come back and post for a start, we will listen.

shinypinkshoes i hope someone knows her in rl.

ElenorRigby · 04/08/2008 19:51

OMG purpleone please I pray you are ok xxx

SpandexIsMyEnemy · 04/08/2008 19:53

nothing since the last one from this post form her.

maybe we should ask towers if they have her details/number or something?

I think she's in ilford.

getting a bit worried - hope she hasn't done something silly.

ShinyPinkShoes · 04/08/2008 19:58

I will email them

SpandexIsMyEnemy · 04/08/2008 20:00

just hope it's not going to be a case of having done something sooner.

charlotte121 · 04/08/2008 20:37

purpleone I know you have a lot on your plate right now but things will get better. Have you tried calling payplan about ur financial situation, they might be able to help you or one of those government things the rights the debt off over 5 years.

Please dont do anything to yourself.You kids need you. Your not a bad mother your trying your best to provide for them etc and its dma hard at times. My dad died when I was 8 and its horrible growing up without him, he has never met my 2 beautiful kids. You dont want to miss out on that! just remember there are lots of us here you can talk to. x

Original poster
PurpleOne · 04/08/2008 20:39

Am here. So sorry to be worrying you all but it's much appreciated to read all these messages.
Have been wandering around in a really bizzare mood. No feeling, no emotions, just switched off to everything. It's an effort to even smile.
Can't go on like this anymore. I wish I could switch it all off.

OP posts:
SilkCutMama · 04/08/2008 20:41

Where are you darling?

Original poster
PurpleOne · 04/08/2008 20:42

I'm in Ilford. SIME was right.

OP posts:
SilkCutMama · 04/08/2008 20:46

po - rae you saying that you tihnk you REALLY might do something tonight?
You said SIME was right - is this what you mean???

Please, please call samaritans or .....

Is there anyone near Ilford who can help with this???

ElenorRigby · 04/08/2008 20:48

purpleone honey I am so glad you are still battling on xxx

SilkCutMama · 04/08/2008 20:50

are you still there?
Please know that you are not alone

Plese tell me that you are not thinking of doing something???

Am really so worried about you

Original poster
PurpleOne · 04/08/2008 20:51

SCM, I meant that SIME (spandexismyenemy) was right in guessing where I live.

Last time I went to the Samaritans in Ilford, they were closed.

OP posts:
ShinyPinkShoes · 04/08/2008 20:52

Samaritans, Ilford

8 Mildmay Road

Ilford

Essex

IG11DT

Telephone: 020 8553 9900

Give them a call maybe?

SilkCutMama · 04/08/2008 20:52

phone them pppllleeeaaassseee

You need not give name etc but please talk to someone

mylovelymonster · 04/08/2008 20:53

purpleone - it doesn't matter if your house is a tip. Go to CAB NOW to sort out your financial worries - and can the CSA not do anything re: shit exH and non-payment?
YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THIS. you love your kids, they adore you. They would be devastated forever if you took your own life, you know they would.
YOU NEED SUPPORT NOW - go to your GP and bloody DEMAND it.

mamalovesmojitos · 04/08/2008 20:56

have you rung them my love?

mylovelymonster · 04/08/2008 20:57

Contact IS people to sort out shortfall in your income as well.
Is there anyone here near Ilford??

mylovelymonster · 04/08/2008 20:58

am really furious you've been let down so badly

ShinyPinkShoes · 04/08/2008 20:59

PurpleOne please take a look at this page:

Some Good Links On Here xx

Original poster
PurpleOne · 04/08/2008 21:00

CSA are a waste of space IMVHO. He is self employed and will just lie through his teeth again like he always does.
My GP will only keep giving me the AD's, yet I already told him that I was tempted...and he gave me more. I've been telling him about the drinking and he's done nothing about it. Won't give me any meds and can't do a detox cos there's noone to babysit me for 2 weeks. So I bought my own meds off the internet instead.

Am I really worth more than this MLM? Nobody gives a crap about me in RL, and as much as I love my kids, they talk to me and treat me like crap.

OP posts:
mylovelymonster · 04/08/2008 21:13

isn't that just what kids do? take their parents for granted?

Of course you are. You know you are or you wouldn't be posting on this forum. You need proper support. You must talk to the Samaritans and find out where you can get the help you really need.

You sound exhausted. Quit drinking. Go to bed early. Start taking a bit more care of yourself PLEASE.