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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

just so pissed off at him right now ..........

29 replies

fawkeoff · 08/06/2008 15:15

So i rang him yeaterday to ask if he would have the DC today while i went for a belated birthday meal wih my nan......no probs ill be there for 11.

he comes into today being all smarmy, telling me about his night out with the lads.....i dont give a donkeys dick what you do with your time.....he then carries on
"I was going to come and stay here last night so i didnt have to get a taxi home but i didnt know who you would be in bed with" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CHEEKY BASTARD
i told him to get a grip, went for my meal with my family, he told me not to be all day because he has plans....so they end up going without dessert because he had me on a time scale........walks through the door and he has let the kids totally ransack the living room and kitchen
i tell him in no uncertain terms that he has took the piss...completely and he decides to tell me that i am over reacting.....I have just had it today really i have he just brings me down...utter bastard

OP posts:
Leslaki · 08/06/2008 15:19

Why do you let him in your house? There is no way exh is ever setting foot in my home again. Why don't you say to him that after today's performance, that's it, no more seeing the kids in the house - he'll just have to take them out. Don't let him get to you - easier said than done. I'm dreading exh coming round today to bring kids back cos I've got to tell him he owes me money! yep, he'll kisck off. Ho hum!!! What happened to the guy I married? Amazing how a person can change. You stand firm. Get the kids to tidy up - you pour yourself a glass of wine and chill out in the garden! Oh, and get the locks changed if he has a key.

Original poster
fawkeoff · 08/06/2008 15:25

the split is ammicable but i feel that i am left here to pick up the pieces of my life while he just swans around thinking he is fucking 19 again.....it is strange how you can dislike someone after such a short time

I have just rung him and bollocked him, stating that its alright for him to swan around with his plans im just so annoyed with him right now....he has done nothing but sit on his arse since he arrived here and i am trying my best to be fine with him, but there is only so much of his shit i can cope with

OP posts:
Leslaki · 08/06/2008 16:02

God I understand exactly how you feel. My exh is living the life of riley - noew trendy clothes every week, out on the town etc etc. Ses the kids for a day and is WonderDad - has fun with them but no responsibilities while I'm left the pick up the pieces with a 5yo who can't deal with it all./ AAAARGGGHH!!
Amicable or not I just would not want ex in my home. My friend is on an amicable footing with her x and lets him in to see the kids in her house. Only last weekend when she was away he brought his new bloody partner into HER house and the 2 of them had dinner with the kids in my mates kitchen!! She was mad. I personally coudn't do that - also you need privacy and somewhere to kee any private correspondence etc from solicitors.
I've been quite firm with x saying you can have kids from xxx till xxx but been flexible if it suits. Can you not try that?
Bloody men!!!!! Sorry not being much help, just ranting along with you. Go and scream loudly somewhere!

Original poster
fawkeoff · 08/06/2008 16:08

I want him to have as much time with them as he wants but he just fucks me right off with it all...you are right i do need to stop all the access at my house...i am just so sad with being on my own for the first time ever, i am just fed up with the whole situation really....he's had a fucking abth at my house while i have been out......he doesnt live here anymore!!!!!!!

OP posts:
ratbunny · 08/06/2008 18:06

((fawkeoff))

I wouldnt stick to a timescale for him though - can you not agree how long he will be there before he comes over? Agree with everyone else though about not letting him in your house anymore.
I am letting my ex into my house to see ds, mainly because I dont trust him to take him out alone. I am also getting someone to be here with him when it happens.
Off the subject a bit now but I need to vent. Sadly (for ds), he didnt turn up today. He had a car accident on fri night (driving too fast in the wet, could have seen it coming really), he hasnt sorted himself out a new car, but I tried contacting him to confirm he would still be here at 10 and heard nthing back. At 11 (luckily dad was over to supervise the access anyway) I get a call from his mum saying he couldnt make it this morning, but he will be there at 2 - 4 instead. Well, I dont think so! we arranged 10 - 2, and if he hasnt the decency to contact me beforehand then tough.

Totally agree - it's amazing how much you can dislike someone after such a short space of time.

Original poster
fawkeoff · 08/06/2008 18:11

awwww ((ratbuuny))

fucking wanker to do that to you...more imortantly his son...im dealing with so much at them minute as well and am in turmoil as to tell my friend about her slleze byfriend...he has sent me a message telling me he wants to have sex with me !!! he was being a bit funny on friday when i went to her house but didnt really have much proof.....well now i do....fucking sleeze!

OP posts:
ratbunny · 08/06/2008 18:52

oh that is horrible!
how long have they been together? I always go on the premise that if something happened to a friend of mine, to say to the bf either the bf tells them or I do.
God, as if you dont already have enough on your plate. What a wanker - wtf is he thinking?!

Original poster
fawkeoff · 08/06/2008 18:54

such a wanker!!!! i cannot believe it x he is really freaking him x

OP posts:
littlewoman · 08/06/2008 21:12

He hasn't finished with you yet, Fawkeoff. Hence all the hints about coming to stay at yours last night (what makes him think he'd be welcome?) but he didn't know who you'd be in bed with (like it's any of his business). These are two ways of saying the same thing. He was saying 'if I'd have turned up last night, what were my chances'.
The pissing you about is all variations on the same theme. He's not happy about the split.

Original poster
fawkeoff · 08/06/2008 21:39

oh i just cannot be arsed with the male species....the ex obviouslyt wants to have the single life and come and drop in as he chooses well there's not a nob in hells chance that ill go anywhere near him.

OP posts:
Original poster
fawkeoff · 08/06/2008 21:41

i cant believe men think so low of me...ive got him saying snide remarks about sleeping with other men....then another nob jockey who think i am gonna shag him behind my mates back!!!!!!
i dont know anymore....think it would be best all around if i just took a vow of celibacy really!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
fawkeoff · 09/06/2008 09:54

he rang me at midnight last night to tell me my kitchen window was open ...WTF is he doing round here at that time anyway?????
I asked him why he was ringing me at that time of evening....he then started asking me how i was feeling in myself........

shit to be honest but what do you want me to do???

OP posts:
Tortington · 09/06/2008 10:11

wtf is he doing round at your house at that tiem of night? stalking you?

i agree with previous poster - enoughs enough - no more round at your house - he can't have a bath - and you can't ask him to do a quick hoover!

he has to be made to feel like a visitor.

think about it - does he think this is a big game - in what other rekationship would you take a bath at your exes house?

change the locks babe.

regular and strict times to see the kids

Original poster
fawkeoff · 09/06/2008 10:20

i know babe...he wasnt actually in the house at that time, but he was near by!!!!
need to get my key back anyway.....i just dont want to be the bitch in this situation....but maybe i am being too nice!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
fawkeoff · 09/06/2008 10:24

any you are right...i would not go round to his and have a bath.........think i need to stop him from having the kids at my house then, because they must think that everything is normal becasue he is so casual when he gets here.....so we are in agreement i am too soft for my own good

OP posts:
Tortington · 09/06/2008 10:35

soft as shyte.

Original poster
fawkeoff · 09/06/2008 11:04

i know tis troo
i am crapola at this stuff...seriously!!!!

OP posts:
Twinkie1 · 09/06/2008 11:11

You need to draw up some boundaires and make sure he knows what they are - I live about 35 miles from XH and he has never been in my house - after we did DDs bedroom she asked if he could come and see it and I told her no - he has his house which I have never seen and I have mine and that is that - he did say after DH and I won custody of DD thathe wanted to come in and sit down and have a chat with DH as he thought he was a decent guy - why the fucking drama of a court case costing thousands and stressing us all out then??? - and DH said if he steps over my threshhold I will knock him out - and DH is soooo not like that but our space is our space and we don;t want him violating that.

He also asked if he could use the loo once and I pointed him p the road to the village pub and siad 'That's where the nearest toilet is' - and smiled - he got the message!

He will always try and nit pick at you and piss you off though - it is in their nature I think - Xs - well all the one's I know - XH is currently blaming us for DD being ill (she is off school today recouperating!) because he let her stay up till 11 at night and then cycle 7 miles the next day - she is 7!!! He wanted to do cyle marathon so she had to do a childs marathon with him! She is just too small and gets so tired and then gets miserable and he just can't see that it is his doing! Twat - it never gets better - you have to stand your ground and make the rules at the beginning!

Original poster
fawkeoff · 09/06/2008 16:01

i just wish i could dissapear right now ....he has come to my house abusing me today...."people are saying you are doing this and that"...i have been out twice!!!!! he then starts to tell me that its none of my business who he sees......i fucking know that, i dont care....but i am so upset that people havent got anything better to do with their lives other than make shit up about me....i have had enough with it....i just want to fucking dissapear.......if he wasnt bothered about it then why has he brought it up???????
it's none of his business anyway.....utter wanker i just dont know what to do anymore...it's like he wants me to be a broken person and will do anything to get a reaction...fucking fuck head

OP posts:
Original poster
fawkeoff · 09/06/2008 16:04

he really thought i was going to beg "dont sleep with anyone"....i told him to nob what he wants as long as the kids arent involved....dont think he expected that reaction at all........he is making it so difficult for me and i cant win....do i turn into the bitch that he wants me to???? or do i ride it out with as much kindness as i possibly can?????? i dont deserve to be treated like this, he wanted the split initially and is now making me out to be the bad guy...well i am not whistling to his tune...total twat

OP posts:
Tortington · 09/06/2008 18:21

you need to be business like

you can visit - at these hours
i want this amount of money.
no you can't stay here
no you can't just walk into the kitcen and make a brew - you are a guest in MY house

you don't have o be nasty - you have to be business like

this goes both ways

yo u can't call on him for favours

Original poster
fawkeoff · 09/06/2008 18:30

i havent called on him for any favours...other than picking his own kids up...which i think he should do

OP posts:
ivyJkaty44 · 09/06/2008 18:35

Little woman hit the nail on the head - he was seeing how the land lies about him getting into your bed - he wanted to know if you have another man in your life, so he makes comments to see what you reactions are - not what you are saying.

He wants you to invite him into your bed, he wants in your knickers and he has the hots for you. men often want what they can't have, he is chasing in a rather crude style (like a 13year old) but he wants you...

Original poster
fawkeoff · 09/06/2008 18:40

well i am ot prepared to play these juvenile games anymore....he can call me what he wants im not interested, i know the truth so that is all that matters to me

OP posts:
Lila07 · 09/06/2008 20:58

This is about controlling you, and testing the waters constantly!Its about feeling better with himself by having some control over your life and your emotions. He's gone but he doest want to let go of you. Tell him you mean business, you either live like this for weeks, months years or you stop it. Don't get into arguments, don't put more wood in the fire, just ignore accusations and be assertive.Its not fair on you or the kids, as they see you worried about this. Do you want to be happy?

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