What am I entitled to?

[Mslongears]

Newly single after 10 years together, he suddenly went "funny" and stopped talking to me and coming home. So we are basically no contact, isn't interested in our son or unborn baby, so it's his loss.

I've only ever claimed PIP for my own disability, but never anything else so I don't know where to start. I'm 27, with a 3yr old and 16 weeks pregnant. Living in his parents home, but obviously I'll have to go into council. The wait time is approx 7-10 years in my area so I have no idea here I'll end up in the meantime which terrifies me. It also means I have to rehome all of my pets which are my lifeline currently. I have no savings, my monthly income is around £500 on PIP, but I believe this doesn't affect how much UC I'll receive. I'm classed as unfit to work, so I don't think I'll be expected to do job preparation according to my GP. Although this was several years ago so I don't know if things have changed. I won't be entitled to child maintenance as ex is solely cash in hand (not to mention being a massive tax dodger). He has no income on paper, and I'm not even going to bother to report this as I know they'll be on his side.

Can someone give me an idea on how much I'll be entitled do, and how to claim this as I know I'm going to really struggle with two young children and having to deal with council tax, rent etc. on my own. I've never lived alone before in my life so I'm terrified. I'm also rubbish with technology and would rather speak to someone face to face about my options, but I understand this probably isn't an option now days.

If your ex has funds to purchase a house, he has funds for child maintenance? Has that been resolved?

Op this isn’t primary school, it’s not the trying that counts.

You’re an adult who has chosen to have 2 children and now you’re financially accountable for them (or should be).

You don’t get brownie points here for ‘trying’. Whatever that means.

He solely earns cash in hand from his own business. Child maintenance would just say he doesn't earn anything looking at his bank statement, therefore won't have to pay CM

I've applied for jobs, I've been trialled for several jobs. I'm not what people want in their work place, so what else am I supposed to do to get on my feet, please do say..?

If you genuinely can’t get a job, you should’ve held off having children until married to a better man earning a good salary who agrees for you to be a SAHM. And not got pets.

Sorry OP but what did you THINK your outcome was 4 years ago?

Lived with grandparents and then moved into exes parents home,- no secure home
Not checking financial liability of.Ex partner
Didn't establish your own employment opportunities.

Yet you had 2 children and pets!

Let this be a lesson to any young mumsnetters contemplating children. THINK

Well it's a bit late for that now, so that's not particularly useful, is it? You say this isn't preschool, yet telling me off like a naughty school girl for something that I actually had no control over

You have done everything back to front.Selling items on Vinted is a sideline hobby You actually thought that would buy a house and support 2 kids?

If your useless partner only works cash in hand and has no viable income on paper, then give him an ultimatum. Tell him that he pays you xxxx amount a month to support his child/children or you will be contacting HRMC and reporting him for tax evasion/fraud.
https://www.gov.uk/report-tax-fraud

@Mslongears my workplace has 2 or 3 workers who are diagnosed autistic, you’ll probably have to look for jobs that suit what you feel are your needs.

In this case it’s a small company, small team and repetitive/low demand work. The downside is it will never lead to promotions etc simply due to the nature of the work, but it has suited many people (including myself).

I know the job market is crap right now but hopefully you’ll eventually find something. Best of luck.

I didn't know any different. I thought what I had in my relationship was security. Lesson has been learned and now I'm paying the price for being stupid thinking I wouldn't end up out on my own someday. My mistake for posting here thinking I'd get some helpful advice on where to go, what to do next and how I can become independent and to better myself for my children. Not being criticised for being a low life scum, doing everything backwards instead of what is deemed as socially acceptable

That's exactly what would suit me, just somewhere quiet and low demand. It seems impossible round here because we're so rural the only jobs you can find are usually within the agricultural sector. Autism UK advised a small scale packaging warehouse would suit me, but like you say there's not much out there at the moment. I've always wanted to work with animals, but all the jobs and volunteering roles seem to find someone more suitable. I feel so hopeless

If you contact your local council they will be able to help you get on the housing list and they should have a money advice team to help you claim benefits.

There are some very ableist comments on this thread.
People saying nasty things like "didn't you think before you had children" etc etc.
Perhaps some on this thread should think more about not saying the cruel and rude comments before they open their mouths (ok...type on a forum).
@Mslongears sorry I don't have advice but good luck 💐

How is it ableist? I’m disabled, it doesn’t stop me being a competent adult who thinks through big decisions. I don’t see why OP shouldn’t be held to the same standard. And it’s certainly not ableist to point out the public purse is very stretched by people who can’t possibly work but have no issues dating, getting pregnant and raising children the state ends up paying for.

How is it ableist to say you should think before having children? OPs post are clear with good command of written language. She should be very capable of realising children are a responsibility. Unless you are trying to infantilise her.

When you sign onto UC you will be allocated a work coach and job searching commitments will not be turned off until you are 28 weeks ( I think). This is unless of course you are going to go down the route of being assessed for work capability in which case your GP will need to agree to giving you a fit note. The government are currently putting a lot of extra support into getting disabled people into work.

There's a difference between going on UC so you get back on your feet, and to help gain some independence while escaping abuse meaning NOT permanently. And choosing to live on it, while fueling habits like drinking every night, smoking 100 a day, drugs etc. You're making out like I'm planning on relying on UC solely for the rest of my life. I didn't choose my life to plan out this way, but it's happened now so I have no clue what you're directing your anger at as surely it's those misusing UC you should be angry with, not me

@Anthempart2 @Dreamypinkshoes My daughter is diagnosed autistic and it's made me realise that I probably am too.
I struggled with working when I had a job for various reasons.
I am much better in my own world raising my child.
It's a lot "easier" for me than working was.
(By the way I don't claim any UC because I am not entitled to any. Thankfully I married a decent guy who supports our family.
The OP unfortunately didn't. That's not her fault because no one really knows how their relationship can go. She presumably trusted him in the past and thought she'd be fine and have a future life with him)

My toddler isn't entitled to free nursery until January, so I don't know how it'll work around childcare. I'm guessing they'll find me somewhere willing to take me on otherwise what happens if I'm applying for lots of jobs and none want me? Do I just keep searching or is there a time limit?

@Mslongears If you are unfit for work, you need to go to the GP and get a fit note. Then you will make your application for UC and declare that you have a condition that makes you unfit for work. They will ask you to submit your fit note and give you a UC50 form, which is like the PIP form, so you can explain why you are unfit for work and provide evidence that supports it (any reports from Autism UK, ASD report, etc). If they decide you are have Limited Capability for Work and Work Related Activity (LCWRA) then you'll have your work commitments turned off and you will get an extra payment in your UC.

OP call shelter and aak their advice. You'll get your rent paid (all or part depending on how much it is) and UC itself along with your PIP. Hold off on job hunting until you get yourself settled. Good luck, I hope you get back on your feet especially for the sake of the children.

I’m sorry for the position you are in but it is frustrating reading how vulnerable you left yourself (and your children). And we are all fed up of reading about fathers who refuse to cough up (leaving the taxpayer to). You say you’re in a rural area with no warehouse jobs. Would you move to an area with more job opportunities? How about a supermarket, packing shelves etc? Altho realistically I fear it’s going to be a good few years before you can work with two tiny ones. I agree - your ex’s family will have to turf you out and render you homeless but temporary accommodation is often pretty awful. How much are private rents in your area?

If you struggle online, contact your local Citizen’s Advice and ask if you can come in to see one of their advisors. They can help you navigate benefits that you might be able to claim, and they might support you with applying to the council. As pp suggested, Shelter is a good source of housing related help too.

I work with several autistic people. They all have successful jobs. Stop making excuses and stop having children. I am not in favour of abortion but I think it is incredibly reckless to have more children that you cannot afford.