Sleeping on the sofa at 12 weeks pregnant 😞

[TiredButTryin5x]

just needed to vent a bit sorry xx

i’m 12 weeks pregnant now n still sleeping on the sofa every night. got 4 boys in a tiny flat n no room left at all. oldest has box room, two middle ones share, little one still in with me (or meant to be). but he kicks all night n i just end up on sofa again. my back’s gone n i’m not even that far along yet 😩

i asked the council for help but they said i’m “adequately housed” cos we got a roof over our heads. but it don’t feel like that. i’m exhausted all the time. boyfriend don’t stay over n hasn’t offered to help with housing stuff. just feel like no one sees how hard this is.

i’m doing my best but it’s not enough. just want somewhere we all got a bed 😢

Op you are not trash at all. You need to look after yourself and your kids. As you’ve said about looking into triple bunks beds and a sofa bed seem like good ideas. Your children have a roof over their head, they are fed and loved so stop worrying so much the stress is not good for you and the baby. Try and relax, look into the above and hopefully a sofa bed will help ease your back pain. Wishing you luck op

Whatever happened to personal responsibility in the UK?

Why on earth are you having another baby? Seriously? I am sorry for your situation as that can’t be fun at all, but you are responsible for it and you need to stop looking for someone to give you a free ride out of your situation and start planning how you’re going to improve you and your kids lives yourself.

in your shoes I’d move the son who sleeps with you into one of the other bedrooms.

I haven’t bothered to read the comments from other posters as I expect they are awful. You can only try the best you can with the lot you have. You can’t change the past, so pointless living with regret. Think longer term, is there something you could train for when ready? Something to improve your financial situation?

@Overthebow the OP has said on one of her other threads that she can’t afford childcare. (And often had to ask her 15 year old to babysit his siblings.) So it’s hard to see how she could manage a full time job.

@TiredButTryin5x now that you’ve begun to comprehend the range of options you’ll need to be able to guide your children through, you might consider how you could acquire some training or qualifications for yourself? I know you’ve mentioned that you didn’t go to college (presumably you meant 16+ education?) which must make it hard to compete in the job market, on top of all your domestic responsibilities.

I’ll repeat, you need other good and supportive adults in your life to encourage you. There must be someone?

I think your back would fare better on a mattress on the floor at this stage, until you can sort out your bunk beds.

It is unfair to expect better and bigger housing from the council OP. If you keep up with the news you will know that there is a shortage of social housing. So I think you are very lucky indeed to have what you have and you should plan your life around what you do have and make it work for your family.
That means no more babies. And maximising your income to pay for the ones you already have.

As an adult, life can’t ‘just happen’.
As an adult you plan ahead to work for what you want and you plan ahead to avoid what you don’t want and can’t afford.
You have to get that basic planning right.

Your wage doesn’t support your family. And yet you add more children to it.
In that way you demonstrate a very irresponsible attitude. You didn’t get the basic planning right.
Responsible women do the sums before planning to have a baby. Your babies can’t survive on love alone OP. You need more money to feed and house them than you can possibly earn. So other people are burdened with paying for your children. Your poor choices affect other people. Why are you so willing to make others suffer to pay for you forgetting to take your pill. They have their own stress to deal with without you adding to their tax burden.

You have a serious obligation to put yourself out not to have more children and to put yourself out to chase up maintenance from the father/fathers of the children you do have instead of remaining so passive and letting things (like pregnancy) just happen to you. Your passive attitude is a burden on the rest of us and though you don’t like it OP, you do need to have that pointed out to you so that you stop this cycle and so that you teach your children to work for what they want instead of sitting back and expecting others to support them.

Sort out your sleeping arrangements quickly OP and plan how to look after yourself better. Because if you don’t, social services will have to step in to look after your children and that will cost us all even more, as well as giving them even poorer chances at life than they already have.

You really need to wake up and step up now and teach your children a better way forward. I have no doubt that you love them, but love alone is not enough as you are already finding with your unmotivated oldest.

Where is your boyfriend sleeping

She says he's not around a lot.

You didn't think it would 'blow up like this?'

Of course you did. You've posted before and had exactly the same response. You posted saying you were finding it too hard. So posters told you to re-evaluate your choices. You've not done that and come back a month later saying it's hard
Meanwhile your 15 year old has no support at all because you 'didnt know' college had to be sorted because 'maybe I stopped listening'.

What do you want people to say? You keep saying you're trying and you 'love your kids more than anything' but you don't love them enough to give them the space and time they need because you are having another baby.

What a ludicrous situation.

Have you got any support from family members or anyone else

If you loved your kids more than anything than you would not have a boyfriend. End of. The boyfriend is clearly a crap role model for a 15 year old. You instead would be concentrating on his higher education which you have totally dropped the ball on.

I didn’t plan to get pregnant again it just happened

After four kids I would hope anyone with even a teeny tiny bit of sense would be very carefully planning how NOT to get pregnant again.

coil
implant
tubes tied
celibacy
pill
condoms/ spermicide/ fertility tracking

Peacefully in his own bed...

Sometimes life doesn't play out the way we envision, but stay strong you've got some beautiful babies that some could only dream of. I would put a bed in the front room, have a single bed loads of cushions instead of a sofa. You can get supporting letters from doctors / midwife / health visitor which might help with housing. Children are a blessing, bring so much joy to your life. I left my abusive partner, 3 kids intow and went into a 2 bed council house. Not how I thought my life would be! But I carried on , now in a 34k job (And still on universal credit because it's not enough to live on!). Life is so hard sometimes but it gets better ♥️♥️

I don't necessarily mean this specific person. We don't know her circumstances. I'm just saying that the vast majority of people don't mean to end up in these circumstances. Social mobility is exceptionally difficult to achieve. The research literature reflects this, use a database and look it up. There is a reason you don't often see women from middle class backgrounds end up in these kind of situations.

Irrespective of any circumstances, I would still find it cruel to come online and hound a pregnant woman with 4 existing children when she's just reaching out for a bit of support when she is probably feeling very lonely. I'm not a court of law or the DWP. I'm another human being and mother and that's how I'll respond.

This is a perfect thread to illustrate the collapse of personal responsibility in the UK, and the unfair burden on hard working tax payers.

Love isn't enough to bring up a child. You also need some money.

What about OPs post made you think joy and blessing? Wishful thinking.

I think my children are a joy and a blessing.

I know where you are coming from. I understand your frustration. I had to have an abortion because I couldn't afford anymore (our earning threshold is too high for us to claim anything) and I want to be able to house my family adequately.
It does break my heart that I had to terminate mainly because of financial and health reasons and yet people like OP can have as many kids as they like without giving it a second thought, whilst I had to agonize over mine.
All we can do is try and not let other people's actions get to us and know that we are doing our best for our families.

OP knew exactly what would happen. This is far from her first post on here.

People do need to take some responsibility, once you can understand but 5 times? OP knows what causes pregnancy and forgetting the pill but shrugging and having sex anyway when your children are stuffed in a place far too small when you already can't afford childcare and your poor 15 year old is doing it for you. That's making bad choice after bad choice and I only feel sorry for the children.

For the sake of your existing children you should end this pregnancy. I know it’s not easy, but they must be your priority, and it simply isn’t fair to introduce another sibling when you’re already overcrowded and not coping.

You think having more than 4+kids that you cant adequately house or provide for is a joy and a blessing?

This. My parents had 4 children in a 2 bedroom council house. My dad worked but we never had much.

My parents loved us absolutely but it wasn't an ideal childhood at all.

I worked really hard to get out of that cycle and have a great job and wonderful child. I would absolutely love another child but right now we can't afford it and that's the reality. Had to wait until 34 to have my first so we could ensure we were financially sorted and had a home.

I'm not knocking people who need benefits. If you need the help you need the help but I am slightly confused why more effort isn't made to stop having more children. OP isn't in an ideal situation and is probably trying her best but I'm not sure what else she expected from this thread to be honest.

There are some great suggestions here of beds in the living room etc. The council have done what they need to do - house you.

After you have this child OP please please PLEASE get a reliable form of contraception. You may love your kids but keep having more isn't going to help any of them one bit.

I don't think there is any hounding?

There are consistent threads from OP complaining about her situation and making life shitter for her children. What r posters supposed to say?

This would work