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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Does anyone know if I can change my childs surname??

28 replies

LoneLou · 10/04/2008 14:35

Hey, everyone not been on here for ages hope your all well.
My problem is my X (I think) is planning on marrying his new woman thing is my son has got X's surname (we were never married) thing is I cannot stand the fact that my son will have the same surname as the other woman it makes my blood boil.
So I'm asking if anyone knows if I can change his surname and give him mine instead. I understand that I cannot change his birth certificate but deed poll maybe???
help.

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fletchaaarr · 10/04/2008 14:38

You don't need to do deed poll, you can just get a statutary declaration done. You may need X's permission

littlewoman · 10/04/2008 14:40

Not without the father's permission, I believe. Not legally anyway (ie not by deed poll etc). But you can have him 'known as' another surname at the doctors, school etc without doing any paperwork. I totally understand your feelings about ow having his surname. It is definitely the kind of thing I would be boiling over about.

flubdub · 10/04/2008 14:41

You will need ex's permission, you may want to use a solicitor. If your ex doesnt see your ds, be prepared that it may push him to start wanting t see ds.
This is what has happened with my friend. Her wanting to change her ds's name has attracted a lot of unwanted attention from her ex.

Original poster

LoneLou · 10/04/2008 14:59

Thanks everyone. X does see ds regularly and probably thinking about it he wouldn't like it one bit but when we went to register the birth I had absolutely no idea this would happen to us, thought it was forever wish I knew then what I know now.

OP posts:

littlewoman · 10/04/2008 15:05

Wouldn't we all be the wisest people in the world if we could live life backwards, LL? I just wish someone had told me how to choose a bloke properly, what to look for in a decent man, etc. Do you think the problem stems from the fact that he is marrying OW but he didn't marry you? That must be very painful. Jeezie Chreezie I hate men sometimes, I really do.

Original poster

LoneLou · 10/04/2008 15:18

maybe your right littlewoman. we were together 7 years and have a child together and he always said he would never get married 'just a bit of paper' the usual stuff and hes been with her for nearly 4 months, it does make be incredibly sick.
I am a very reasonable person and since we did split 4 months ago I have been very amicable and let x see ds as much as he wants coz ds is all thats matters. But just this once I'm thinking of me and I really hate it that she will have the same surname as my son.

OP posts:

Youcannotbeserious · 10/04/2008 15:23

LoneLou,

Just an idea, but could you (would you?) consider changing your name by deed poll if your Ex isn't happy for his son to change surnames?

I appreciate where you are coming from, as my DH's ex always wanted to revert to her maiden name but didn't because DH wouldn't sign the 'release' for the DC's names to be changed......

Just an idea?

Original poster

LoneLou · 10/04/2008 15:29

youcannotbeserious thats a good idea. Its something I considered when we were together but not thought about it for this situation. Any idea what I have to do to do this?? I haven't got a clue.

OP posts:

Youcannotbeserious · 10/04/2008 15:32

It's totally straightforward for YOU to do it.... I think it costs around £40 to do all the paperwork.

Legally, you don't even have to do that, you just start using your new name, but I think in the post 9/11 world, it's worth doing it officially.

I don't think your Ex can have a problem with you wanting to have the same surname as your son.

littlewoman · 10/04/2008 15:35

Youcannot, that is actually a very good idea. On the plus side, it would be easy, mum and ds have the same name, and it would also really really really piss off the OW if she ever found out . That came from my most childish side, but I had to let it out.
Drawback is that people may see it as Lonelou being a bit sad, changing her name to xp's. (I'm not saying you are sad, LL. Just trying to look at all angles).

Original poster

LoneLou · 10/04/2008 15:51

You know what that is my solution thanks for that and yes it would be very satisfactory to p* ow off. thanks.
Do I have to go to a solicitor? I'm really naive to all this.

OP posts:

Youcannotbeserious · 10/04/2008 15:53

But, that shouldn't even be an argument to be used.. I wouldn't even go there...

Say to XP - I would like my son and I to have the same surname now I am a lone parent I would like to change his surname to mine...

If XP says 'No way', THEN say, well this is something I want for me and my son going forward so if he can't change his name, I'll change mine....

I wouldn't give the XP a single reason why this is anything to do with him or OW....

FWIW, I suppose I am the OW (I mean, i'm DH's second wife) and I can totally see why his ex wouldn't have wanted a situation where she had a different surname but when we (DH, me and DSDs travel together, we are like the 'nuclear' family)....

And anyway, sometimes it's good to let your childish side out to play

Youcannotbeserious · 10/04/2008 15:55

LL - I'm no expert but "this should help www.deedpoll.org.uk/"

Youcannotbeserious · 10/04/2008 15:56

Ah, flip - I can never make those links work properly!! I have no idea what I'm doing wrong!!!

littlewoman · 10/04/2008 18:11

No, of course you don't tell him you are trying to p* off OW. Lol. So glad you have a solution LL.

Oh, for a bit of satisfaction in my sad little life where I am mostly thwarted, and rarely get even .

gillybean2 · 10/04/2008 19:17

Did you ever think what will happen if you get married in teh future and you change your name then. You won't have the same surname as your son then either.

But if you want it now and aren't worried about possible name cahnges in teh future i agree that you should explain to your ex that you want this and ask him if he is willing to change agree to your son's name being changed to the same surname as yours (if he has PR he has to give his permission), and if he says no then change it to your son's surname. When he complains say that he left you with no option given that you want the same surname.

bonkerz · 10/04/2008 19:24

how old is oyur son??
Im asking becasue DS is now 7 and when he was born we put his bilogocal dads surname when we registered him. Me and his dad split when DS was 10 weeks old and i went donw CAB and filled out a declaration to change DSs surname to mine. I had to wirte a short letter stating i was the only one with parental responsibility and i know that PR thing changed a few years ago but if your DS is 7 you should be able to just do it cos PR is not automatic.

OverMyDeadBody · 10/04/2008 19:29

If you think it's a good idea to change your surname, I don't see why you even need to emention it to your ex, you're not changing your name to your ex's name, you're changing it to your son's name, that's the reason you can give to others too.

As Gillybean mentioned though, what would happen if you want to marry in the future? Will you keep the same surname as your DS? If you have other children what name will they take? Lots of things to think about really.

Alambil · 10/04/2008 20:00

here you go - you can do it all online

littlewoman · 10/04/2008 20:00

That's very true and very sensible, OMDB. It is your son's surname, and nobody else's business, in which case, is it? Quite right. Good thinking.

Original poster

LoneLou · 10/04/2008 21:28

Thanks again everyone. My son is 5
I did talk to x earlier when picking my son up. I mentioned would he object to me changing ds surname he said he didn't like the idea and suggested a double barrel surname, what do you all think? I think it would just be easier to change mine. I know people will say you might think different but I dont intend on having anymore children, had a bad prgnancy and afterwards and I may like to get married down the line but i'd keep my surname.

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littlewoman · 11/04/2008 02:05

Do what you want to do. You don't even actually have to tell your xp do you? I think it makes you feel outside the circle, perhaps, as everyone will have the same surname, and not you - yet your his mum, and if anyone deserved it, you deserved his surname. If it helps you emotionally, I would do it. You could have a chat with ds and discuss with him the possiblity of you changing your surname to his. If he likes it, just tell his dad it was his idea. How can he object?

NotDoingTheHousework · 11/04/2008 10:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Lovesdogsandcats · 12/04/2008 10:05

Like you, we registered them in his name as we always said we'd get married one day and my name would become his too.

I really regret this and would advise ALL unmarried mums to register the baby in THEIR name and NOT the dad's.

Anyway, fast forward to us splitting and me hating the fact that they lived with me and I had to deal with school, dentist, doctrs stuff by myself and was sick of being called mrs X (didn't mind so much when we were together, as if we married that was who I'd become nyway).

So, he did not have PR at that time as it was not automatically given but he was applying for it. In meantime I changed their name to mine, with help from a solicotor (who said he can contest at any time). Had a while all with same name and it was nice.

But, he objected and in the end, we had to agree through solicitors to compromise - double barrelled name which is what they are today.

Would I do it again? No, not fair on the kids.

Lovesdogsandcats · 12/04/2008 10:13

Just read that back and I don't mean I was sick of them living with me! I mean I was sick of the fact that we were the ones living together, yet people called me one name and them another!

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