My 15 year old is home alone - WWYD

[BigBessie]

I am so gutted.
I have brought my son up as a sole parent with no family nearby. I have never left him with anyone (apart from nursery and the very occasional night out) It's been hard but I don't resent a moment.
A few months ago my DP of two years agreed to look after him for the weekend whilst I spend a weekend with my mother 6 hours away. She's elderly and we may not get many more.
(Me and DP don't live together)
I am now 6 hours away and my DP is totally pissed and sending me horrible messages saying he's staying out to watch the boxing and will be back when he's back and various insults to me.
I''m devastated.
I've called my son and he sounds ok. But wondering if I should stage an intervention and call the police?
My son is home alone past midnight.
"Guardian" is pissed and being an idiot. I am 6 hours away.
I feel like the worst mum in the world.

I meant Friday to Monday

You'll be getting rid of the partner though, right? Because he is not the love of your life. He's a selfish arsehole

I was out clubbing and drinking alcohol at 12, having sex and taking drugs at 13, homeless by 16 and a single parent at 18 living alone with zero help.

But there is no way I would leave my 16yo DD home alone for the weekend, especially when unprepared like this because I’m not a negligent parent and my DD (and most teens now) are emotionally much younger than when we were kids.

You trusted someone to look after your child and they couldn’t even do that, it doesn’t matter how old they are.

Of course there is a big difference between leaving a 3yo and a 15yo for the night but it’s still a shitty thing to do.

I completely understand why you’d be so upset and panic over this.

I think MNers are being very unkind.
It’s different if you were an hour away but any decent parent would worry about being so far away.

Your son will be absolutely fine though as he is safe in his home.
As long as he’s got food, toilet roll and the internet, then he’ll be fine.

I would not return early unless DS is really struggling.

I would rethink the relationship once you get back (don’t worry about making that decision now).

And how many of those in the care system go on to become drug addicts, go to prison, end up in an abusive relationship, have kids who end up in care themselves etc?

They cope because they have absolutely no choice but the vast majority of people who were in care seriously struggle in adulthood.

You cannot and should not compare the 2.
I was living alone by 16 but I still would be upset if I was OP because it’s not something you should aspire to.

There is no such thing as too much love and protection in childhood.

OP should be praised that she’s a caring, responsible mum and not someone who happily leaves their vulnerable teen alone regularly to go out on the piss.

I get why you feel so distraught, but just at the thought of your son home alone but at the discovery of your partner not being a decent man.

I would talk to your son on the phone, ask him to call you or to get into bed, bolt the doors, and not let this man into the house, he sounds abusive and unpleasant.

Leave a msg for the partner saying you have made other arrangements and he isn't to return to your home.

FaceTime your son in the morning, apologise for what's happened, ask if he might have a friend who can come stay for the rest of the weekend.

If not, I'd head back, play it by ear, don't panic and see how your son feels about you staying the second night.

Offer him Uber eats for dinner, if he's missing you, tell him to sleep in your bed, it's often a comfort even as teens.

Apologies I didn't make it to the end of the thread, I see he went home.

Sorry you are having to go through this, it's totally normal to feel this way,

Ditch the partner though, he sounds awful

Don't you ever leave him alone at 15 ? That's rather odd

How is the care system being considered a benchmark of good enough?! And no, they don't put 16 and 17 year olds in flats on their own, not any more. Because it's shit and leaves them vulnerable to all sorts of problems.

There are worse parents, my neighbours left their 11 year old home alone all day yesterday, eventually getting home at 2am. This isn't a one off, they often leave their daughter too, she's 6. He has a son who will be 15/16 now. He's been staying in their house (he doesn't live there) overnight for days on end with his mates or girlfriend while they go away with the other two kids, since he was 13/14.
Your DS will be fine, it's the "DP" I'd be more concerned about. I would, however, not leave DS alone until Monday.

At least it as shown you what your P is really like.

I have been guilty of the same protective instinct, but did make a concerted effort to guide him to more independence even though I wanted to helicopter.

Does he have a friend he can stay with today/ tonight? Or a friend of yours ?

There goes the drip feed that he has Sen

my DSes do not have SEN and I still would not leave them alone for 3 nights at 15 if i
was 6h away. Would you? Really?

yes My mum use to go on holiday and leave me for a week at 15! She was 6 hours away by plane! Yes I would be ok with this what do
you think the police will do?

I would. Most people I know have raised functioning semi adults by 15. It's a bit of a parenting failure if you haven't isn't it?

At 15 your son should be perfectly capable of being home alone for a day an evening and a night.

Teaching independent and self reliance is essential for a healthy upbringing.

Please don't pass in anxiety to your son.

After this perhaps both of you should go through your home and learn about the fuse box, how to use the boiler, what to do in an emergency such as a fire or flood (both rare events) and look at taking a first aid course.
Also, about answering the door or not go unexpected callers and the dangers of matches, lighters and candles etc

Do you really think your 15yo DS would be safer with your partner who rolls in pissed in the early hours. What actual use do you think he would be to him in an emergency? Or are you going to tell us that this was a completely out of character incident?

”Love of your life?” You really need to raise your bar.

Oh and btw I know plenty of people that happily leave their 15 year olds home alone overnight! It's hardly a big deal I had my own flat at 16.

When a mumsnet poster posts asking if it’s ok to leave sensible to 15 year old home alone for a few days she’s inevitably torn apart and told 15 is to young for overnight but when this poster says she’s worried about the exact same thing she gets people calling her a helicopter parent??

im so sorry op. Your partner is a dick and has done this on purpose to punish you for going away.

your son probably would have felt quite unnerved at being in the house when he’s come home pissed out of his head and I wouldn’t put up with this.

has your partner stayed in same house as your son? Is he full of remorse this morning? If so I’d stay till Monday and dump him when you get home. If he’s left the 15 year old again and gone to his own house or very angry still I’d probably go home today to protect 15 year old from that situation but either way he needs to get dumped when you’re back.

jesus christ he's 15 the police will do you for time wasting

He doesn't live there and has gone to his own home. Read the thread.

Errr, I said nothing about the police? OP did, but I didn’t.

I think it depends on how your son feels about being left alone - does he feel confident? What is his relationship with your partner like normally? Does your son have any close friends whereby you know their mum and would feel OK asking if he could go there today ?

NSPCC guidance is not to leave under 16s alone at night. Police support this and people have been arrested for leaving 15 year olds alone so stop telling op she is overreacting