My 15 year old is home alone - WWYD

[BigBessie]

I am so gutted.
I have brought my son up as a sole parent with no family nearby. I have never left him with anyone (apart from nursery and the very occasional night out) It's been hard but I don't resent a moment.
A few months ago my DP of two years agreed to look after him for the weekend whilst I spend a weekend with my mother 6 hours away. She's elderly and we may not get many more.
(Me and DP don't live together)
I am now 6 hours away and my DP is totally pissed and sending me horrible messages saying he's staying out to watch the boxing and will be back when he's back and various insults to me.
I''m devastated.
I've called my son and he sounds ok. But wondering if I should stage an intervention and call the police?
My son is home alone past midnight.
"Guardian" is pissed and being an idiot. I am 6 hours away.
I feel like the worst mum in the world.

At 15 and even earlier I was in clubs til 6am when u was 'staying at a friends house'.

I'm sure this kid will be fine, at home, and in bed 🙄

Op honestly he will be absolutely fine for the weekend.spend that rime with your mum and cherish evrey moment of it.i wish I did Monday is not far away he will be absolutely fine.you have your phone if he has any issues he will call you.

Enjoy your time with your family good luck

Thankyou

Your son will be fine. I wouldn’t make a big deal of it to him. Mine loves having the house to himself and I was leaving him overnight from 16.

Your partner on the other hand, has totally breached your trust. That’s your biggest issue I’d say.

Tell DS to make sure he’s locked the door (presume P has a key) and get himself to bed.

I agree OP, do long as soon to be exDP stays away, your 15yo will be perfectly ok on his own for the weekend. Just check in with him. You don’t need to come back early, unless your DS needs and asks you to.

"D"p has just text me to say he has got home and is getting into bed

I'm sorry if anyone thought I was being dramatic. I've never left my son. I felt let down and like a terrible mum

I need to deal with the relationship now.

Grateful for the support. Thank you x

15 year old is enough to look after himself, any neighbours to check in with him couple of times a day ?

Could your son stay at a friends tomorrow night do you don't have to rush back?

I'd be furious, it doesn't matter how old your son is or whether other people would leave a 15 year old. You asked your dp to watch him and he's let you down. It's two nights out of the year you needed him to not get drunk and be responsible and he couldn't do it. And he's being abusive to you.

I'd end the relationship when you get home

Clubs are much stricter on age these days, and indeed always were more strict on age for boys rather than girls. Young girls were considered "good for business".

Sorry I'm late to this OP. I hope your 'D'P is now an ex partner.

You have not let your son down, your soon to be ex has.

I have a 15yo and she is ND. I would be worried if I was in this situation, but I also know that she would be fine. 15yo are actually quite capable. It’s not ideal and I wouldn’t plan to leave her alone overnight, but if it happened, she would manage.

the key is that your boyfriend needs to go elsewhere. You definitely don’t want your son to have to deal with him.

It's totally understandable that you were freaking out and upset. You made an arrangement and you trusted your DP. My son is 15 and I happily leave him overnight but I have never left him for a whole weekend. I've gone away for a weekend before but he's made plans to sleepover at a friend's for at least one or both of the nights. If someone was supposed to be looking out for him and let me down in that way I'd be upset too. Your DS will be perfectly fine but the situation is upsetting regardless.

DS might be a 'sensitive soul' but he's 15, not 5. Why does he need 'looking after' for you to go to your Mums?? That's madness.

DP needs binning off, irrespective of whether DS NEEDS 'looking after' or not, he agreed to do it for you.

He let you down, then he insulted you. I'm sorry you thought you'd found 'the love of your life' but clearly not. Two years you won't get back, but don't waste any more time on him. It's not about him apologising & saying he won't do it again, you'd never trust him or feel secure if you stayed with him. He hasn't got your back!!

Don't hurry home, DS is 15 YEARS not months he'll be just fine until your planned return tomorrow. If necessary get him a take away tonight. When you do get back start treating him like a 15 year old, not a 5 year old. Teach him some life skills & get him ready to enter the next stage of his life!!

I hope you didn’t pass your fears onto your son, or make him feel that it is a scary thing to be home alone.

Your 15yo will be fine for a night.

Your DP needs to be sent packing though. What a nasty twat.

Your son will be fine.
But please ditch the abusive, arrogant ‘D’P.

After you deal with your partner, you need to work on building resilience and independence in your son. It's ridiculous that a NT 15-year-old can't be left alone.

I am actually quite surprised at these answers.

OP, ditch the DP, definitely.

But I don’t think it is odd for you to worry about leaving a 15 year old for two nights when you are 6h away and so can’t dash back if you are needed. Especially if it is for the first time. The first time we left DS1 alone, we were only 30 mins away and left him for about 12h. Also, you made a plan and it has been scuppered on the fly

You know your child and it would be fine that you stay on until Monday if you judge that is OK, but it is far from “ridiculous” to be worried.

Calling the police is unnecessary. I was babysitting late night for others kids when I was 15; 15 is fine to be left alone. It’s good for them, it sounds like he’s been very babied. But you need to dump your partner. That’s not ok when he’s agreed to help you. I’d get one of his friends to stay with him tonight and come back Monday as planned. He needs to be a bit more independent

I'm pretty sure the OP'S son has been eye rolling for a long time rather than cringing fear of spending the night alone.

This is totally ridiculous. He's 15!! He can stay home alone. You're not doing him any favours with all this drama. Why can't a 15-year-old stay alone over a weekend? No wonder kids nowadays are so infantile when they're not allowed the smallest amount of responsibility/freedom.

Exactly. At 16 he could live on his own.

Well, not op's son because he obviously hasn't been brought up to be independent and have life skills by the sound of it but 16 year old can live on their own and run their own houses.

Doesn't the care system put people in flats on their own at 16/17?

It's not two nights, it's a monday to Friday break.
Also my son is currently undergoing tests with SEN at school if that helps you realise how concerned I was.
I myself was clubbing in London at 15.
I know my son, which is why I was worried

Are you travelling back today? If not can you ask your son to arrange to stay at a friend’s house. I appreciate it’s a school night but you can talk to the parents and ask as a one off. What do you plan to do about your partner? I’m hoping you’re going to cut him out of your life.

I’m going to guess that OP’s son is in year 10 rather than year 11, ie first year of GCSEs.

Even in the “good old days”, my parents didn’t really relax about me being unsupervised overnight until I was doing A levels.

It is a judgement call and it is not fair to say that the OP is babying her son. Seriously??