My 15 year old is home alone - WWYD

[BigBessie]

I am so gutted.
I have brought my son up as a sole parent with no family nearby. I have never left him with anyone (apart from nursery and the very occasional night out) It's been hard but I don't resent a moment.
A few months ago my DP of two years agreed to look after him for the weekend whilst I spend a weekend with my mother 6 hours away. She's elderly and we may not get many more.
(Me and DP don't live together)
I am now 6 hours away and my DP is totally pissed and sending me horrible messages saying he's staying out to watch the boxing and will be back when he's back and various insults to me.
I''m devastated.
I've called my son and he sounds ok. But wondering if I should stage an intervention and call the police?
My son is home alone past midnight.
"Guardian" is pissed and being an idiot. I am 6 hours away.
I feel like the worst mum in the world.

@VelvetTurtle i don’t know when that was but if you tried that now and the child mentioned it at school they’d get social services involved.

Guidance is guidance. It isn't the law. People who have been arrested were arrested because they put their children in danger by leaving them alone. Not because the children were 15.

This was early 2000s but wasn't expected to take myself to and from school was during the summer holidays. Social aren't going to get involved because a 15 year old has been left alone overnight they've got more important things to deal with.

Enjoy your weekend with your mum Op, as you say she is elderly and these visits are precious.
Im sure your son will be fine but understand that drunken text messages from your partner would have been unsettling.
There’s some spiteful replies on here, I’d ignore them , ditch the partner and enjoy your visit.

They have and they would. 1 overnight they wouldn’t but a week alone they would.

I had to leave my 15 year old (ASD) overnight when there was an emergency with my 18yo and he needed to go to hospital. I was worried too OP so don’t take the posters saying YABU to heart. In a split second situation where you haven’t had time to plan for the occasion or prepare your DC it’s a worry.
The good news is he was fine and actually enjoys the house to himself.

How are things today?

Well I wasn't a grass so 🤣🤷‍♀️

my DD (and most teens now) are emotionally much younger than when we were kids.

I wonder why that is 🤔

No they haven't. Unless there are very clear extenuating circumstances that make the 15 year old exceptionally vulnerable, a parent would not be arrested for leaving a 15 year old home alone. It's not illegal for one thing, so how could they?

Again, that's not illegal. Child neglect is, but there would need to be actual evidence that the child is additionally vulnerable for this to apply.

Going forward I suggest trying to make links with the parents of some of your son's friends. Maybe arranging sleepovers and days out together. You want to build up his independence and the circle of people he feels confident with. How are your neighbours? Do you have friends or other family close by? I think it would help you too, knowing he was safe and comfortable even when you're not around. I'm sorry your DP has been such an arsenal.

Going forward I suggest trying to make links with the parents of some of your son's friends. Maybe arranging sleepovers and days out together. You want to build up his independence and the circle of people he feels confident with.

I should think most 15yos would be cringing with so much embarrassment they would never want to show their faces in public again if their parents tried to arrange sleepovers and days out with their friends' parents. That is not how to build indepedence.

Thanks for all the lovely advice. Genuinely appreciate it x

The rest of you, I'm going to delete my mumsnet app and never come on here again. You sound like a nest of vipers.A mum coming on for advice. Absolutely vile.

Can your son go to a friend’s house if he wants company?
If he is sensible he should be ok. He will watch tv, eat junk and go to bed late but as long as he is safe and gets himself to school on Monday you’re ok.
Hope DP is now EXP

OP - son will be fine, go back tomorrow

It's so lovely of you to make this time to spend with your Mum

There are some nasty twats on here but don't let it put you off. Lots of non-vipers here too

When you are back, let your ds know how proud you are of him. Then dump the waste of space that totally betrayed your trust. Sorry he let you down so much when you needed him - that's really shitty

I don’t know what you’re trying to say by there’s no law about leaving your fifteen year old at home alone because there isn’t one for leaving a toddler either but depending on circumstances it still an offence. And it’s the same offence if you leave a 5 year old home alone it’s just obviously the risk threshold is much lower for younger children.

https://news.npcc.police.uk/releases/police-support-nspcc-guidance-on-leaving-children-home-alone

https://www.gov.uk/law-on-leaving-your-child-home-alone

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/crime/12193955/Parents-of-15-year-olds-arrested-for-leaving-them-unattended.html

Above is totally consistent. Under 12’s not for long periods of time. Under 16 not overnight. leaving a sensible fifteen year old for one night is one thing, but pissing off on holiday for a week is neglectful and would be raised with social services by any safeguarding team. I’ll stop this now as I don’t want to divert ops thread more than I have but try starting your own thread asking if you can leave your fifteen year old home alone for your week long holiday and see what responses you get on here! Cause I can tell you the majority will not be affirming .