Toxic mother with my baby

MonkeyMindAllOverAround · 28/01/2023 07:13

If my “toxic” family were helping me that much to the point I can spend time on my phone during the day and my child starts to annoy them because I don’t give him enough attention, I would consider them “supportive”.

Honestly, you are taking them for granted and not they are just responding to that.

Original poster

Zamummy · 28/01/2023 07:13

Zamummy · 28/01/2023 07:07

Hello everyone, I am currently 22 weeks pregnant and staying with my mum temporarily with my 14 months of boy. I've been staying with her and my 3 grown siblings because my pregnancy has been hard and I needed help with my son. They are all highly toxic and judgmental in my opinion. I will be moving back to my own flat in a few weeks and she offered to leave my son with her to look after. I feel like taking my son with me even though it will be hard doing everything by myself. However, when I think about things they say I get a bit angry sometimes. Things like " you are always on your phone and don't play with your son" or " that my son is eating too much" and they all close their rooms when my son is walking towards their rooms.
Ps. Siblings ages are: brother 33, sister 22 and brother 19

One time I hear my brother saying to my sister " I thought you hate the baby" and she replied " yes, I hate the baby". They were not aware of me being around and hearing the conversation. Ever since she been pretending to play with my child.

OP posts:

ApolloandDaphne · 28/01/2023 07:15

They don't sound toxic, they sound honest. Are you quite young and have you got a partner to help you? When you move to your new flat could you take your son but then let your DM look after him a few days a week?

Original poster

Zamummy · 28/01/2023 07:17

MonkeyMindAllOverAround · 28/01/2023 07:13

If my “toxic” family were helping me that much to the point I can spend time on my phone during the day and my child starts to annoy them because I don’t give him enough attention, I would consider them “supportive”.

Honestly, you are taking them for granted and not they are just responding to that.

They are not being that supportive. I bath my child, give him food, change his nappies and do food shopping for him ect... only my mom helps! The only help I get is in the morning when he wakes up at 7am she takes care of him till 12 so that I can sleep

OP posts:

Original poster

Zamummy · 28/01/2023 07:18

ApolloandDaphne · 28/01/2023 07:15

They don't sound toxic, they sound honest. Are you quite young and have you got a partner to help you? When you move to your new flat could you take your son but then let your DM look after him a few days a week?

They are always saying something negative.

OP posts:

custardbear · 28/01/2023 07:22

I'd be going home, I wouldn't be around anyone who treated my child like that, or me!
Good luck

NerrSnerr · 28/01/2023 07:31

Just go home with your baby. Once you get into the routine of doing it yourself it'll get easier.

If you went back to your flat would your mum help you by babysitting once or twice a week to give you some support?

ScreamALullabye · 28/01/2023 07:38

I'd be going home and definitely taking your baby with you. Why would you leave it with a toxic person. And you need to start getting up when your baby does at 7am?

MonkeyMindAllOverAround · 28/01/2023 07:49

Sorry but your mum take care of him from 7 to 12 so you can sleep? Honestly, from a single mother, you need to build more resilience, you are the mother.

If you want your kid to be treated the way you want, you take care of him. If you cannot because the pregnancy is difficult, be thankful you have people around that can help you out. Many families can’t help or won’t, you are in a good position with a mum willing and able to provide so much childcare, get out of the phone and go and mother your child.

Pinkflipflop85 · 28/01/2023 08:01

You need to start getting up at 7 and start parenting your own child.

Aphrathestorm · 28/01/2023 08:02

"Not supportive"

"Provides daily free childcare for 5 hours"

What planet are you on??

Of course adults don't want a toddler coming into their rooms!

You sound about 12.

Its actually terrifying that you might be left alone with 2dc in a few months...

BelleSauvage9 · 28/01/2023 08:02

I am also 22 weeks pregnant with an 11 month old. I'd be pretty grateful if my mum was getting up with dd and letting me sleep in! But I also wouldn't do that because dd is my responsibility and it wouldn't be fair on my mum. Why do you need to sleep in til 12?!

Nothing you've said in your op sounds especially toxic (the bit about your sister hating the baby is horrible though), just like they're judging your parenting. Which of course is never nice, but have you considered whether they're telling the truth?

I usually wouldn't even think of asking such a question but I feel like having your baby cared for by your mum til 12 is pretty lazy and uninvolved so perhaps you are uninvolved in other ways? I know that sounds harsh and I really don't mean it to - It may well be that you've got pnd, or are just really struggling to have the energy while pregnant etc. I'm assuming as you're at your mums and no mention of a partner that you're a single parent which is very hard, and very scary going into having another if you're on your own. But you won't be able to rely on your mum every morning forever so you're going to need to learn how to handle caring for your children alone. I get that that's hard, I'm terrified about how I'm going to cope with a toddler and a baby every day but will just have to 🤷‍♀️

I think if you feel like it's a negative environment for you and your child then you should just take yourselves home and see how you go. Is your mum able to come to yours sometimes to help you out a bit? Or could you drop your child off to her for a couple of hours once a week to give yourself some time to rest and recharge?

fairysimples · 28/01/2023 08:04

What age are you?

GoAgainstNicki · 28/01/2023 08:06

I absolutely don’t see anything wrong with your mum looking after your DS between 7-12 so you can get some rest. That’s the sort of thing my mum did when I had a 7 month old and was 5 months pregnant. I was exhausted, had pelvic girdle pain and I certainly wasn’t going to turn down the help.

However if you’re not happy with your family and the comments they make then just leave. It doesn’t make sense to leave your son there whilst you get your own flat. You’ll have to get used to having both kids in your care anyway. So it makes sense to take your child with you instead of leaving him with your mum no? Why would you even need to leave him there anyway? I don’t understand that bit

CaptainMyCaptain · 28/01/2023 08:07

Pinkflipflop85 · 28/01/2023 08:01

You need to start getting up at 7 and start parenting your own child.

I would have considered 7am to be a lie in when I had a baby! You sleep until 12 - you don't know you're born. Get up and stop letting your child annoy everyone.

GoAgainstNicki · 28/01/2023 08:09

The comments are unnecessarily harsh! 7am is considered to be a lie in with a toddler? Lol in what world?! At 14 months my DD was waking up at 8am. 7am-12pm is a very nice lie in whilst you’re exhausted with your pregnancy. OP could be awake with her son until midnight

CaptainMyCaptain · 28/01/2023 08:13

GoAgainstNicki · 28/01/2023 08:09

The comments are unnecessarily harsh! 7am is considered to be a lie in with a toddler? Lol in what world?! At 14 months my DD was waking up at 8am. 7am-12pm is a very nice lie in whilst you’re exhausted with your pregnancy. OP could be awake with her son until midnight

In my world. I had to get up to go to work as I also did when I was pregnant with terrible morning sickness.

neighboursmustliveon · 28/01/2023 08:14

I'm sorry op, nothing you have said indicates your family is toxic. Your sisters comment wasn't nice but I can imagine it's tough having someone else's toddler hanging around, especially if the parent doesn't start parenting until the afternoon!

I was also pregnant with a toddler. My husband and I worked full time so we never got lie ins. We took it in turns on a weekend to get up early but the other will have been expected to get up in the morning!

GoAgainstNicki · 28/01/2023 08:16

CaptainMyCaptain · 28/01/2023 08:13

In my world. I had to get up to go to work as I also did when I was pregnant with terrible morning sickness.

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Just because you had to get up for work alongisde morning sickness doesn’t mean that the OP’s situation is the same?

CaptainMyCaptain · 28/01/2023 08:17

GoAgainstNicki · 28/01/2023 08:16

Just because you had to get up for work alongisde morning sickness doesn’t mean that the OP’s situation is the same?

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But it means I think she's got it easy and I'm entitled to my opinions.

tealandteal · 28/01/2023 08:20

I have to say I am confused why you would leave your son behind? Surely he will move with you? It’s not really a question is it?

Could your mum have him one day a week 9-3 or something so he will still be used to going there as I assume she will look after him when you got to hospital to have the baby?

RoseAndRose · 28/01/2023 08:21

Why the delay of a few weeks?

I'd move back to your own flat ASAP. You say you''ll cope, though it'll be hard. So get on with coping.

Remona · 28/01/2023 08:22

Your mother is letting you stay in bed until lunchtime and all you’re doing is complaining about how mean everyone is? You don’t know how lucky you are. You need to go back to your own flat and be up at 7am every day.

As for your siblings, it’s their home and you’ve brought your baby in which has upset the dynamic. I don’t think they’re being awful, they just aren’t interested in your child in the way you are.

There are several other people in the house who have to be considered. This isn’t all about you. It sounds like you’re expecting everyone to tiptoe around you and pander to you. And yes, get off your phone to interact with your child. It’s not the responsibility of your mother or your siblings to entertain your child.

GoAgainstNicki · 28/01/2023 08:22

CaptainMyCaptain · 28/01/2023 08:17

But it means I think she's got it easy and I'm entitled to my opinions.

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Everyone’s got it easy compared to someone. I had a 3 month old when I got pregnant again. I was already on maternity leave so didn’t have to worry about working and I’d sleep in everyday until 11ish. I’m sure I had it better than you and I still had things to complain about.

You’re entitled to your own opinion but telling someone that they don’t know they’re born just because you think they have it easy is really quite rude.

Anyway, as you were

BridieConvert · 28/01/2023 08:24

They are not being that supportive. I bath my child, give him food, change his nappies and do food shopping for him ect... only my mom helps! The only help I get is in the morning when he wakes up at 7am she takes care of him till 12 so that I can sleep

HE IS YOUR CHILD.
Why should your siblings help with bathing, feeding, nappy changing, shopping? You are his mother that is the role you signed up for.
Your mother does 5 hours of childcare every morning and you're saying she is "toxic" and "not supportive"

How old are you? You sound like a petulant child.