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Lone parents

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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Toxic mother with my baby

93 replies

Zamummy · 28/01/2023 07:07

Hello everyone, I am currently 22 weeks pregnant and staying with my mum temporarily with my 14 months of boy. I've been staying with her and my 3 grown siblings because my pregnancy has been hard and I needed help with my son. They are all highly toxic and judgmental in my opinion. I will be moving back to my own flat in a few weeks and she offered to leave my son with her to look after. I feel like taking my son with me even though it will be hard doing everything by myself. However, when I think about things they say I get a bit angry sometimes. Things like " you are always on your phone and don't play with your son" or " that my son is eating too much" and they all close their rooms when my son is walking towards their rooms.
Ps. Siblings ages are: brother 33, sister 22 and brother 19

OP posts:
Original poster
Zamummy · 28/01/2023 12:06

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 28/01/2023 11:58

But your 30 and living back at home? None of this makes any sense.

Why the heck did you have another child if you can't be bothered with the one you do have and make out it's such a chore to actually parent? I'm actually baffled.

Have you read my posts? I came back because of sickness

OP posts:
Original poster
Zamummy · 28/01/2023 12:08

Mariposista · 28/01/2023 11:58

You are slobbing in bed until lunchtime? Why aren’t you working to provide for your own kid?
and put your phone away when the child is around. Use it in your lunch hour, if you can be bothered getting up for work.

How on earth can I be sick, pregnant and working? Some people here are just commenting and not reading the posts.

OP posts:
CalloohCallayFrabjousDay · 28/01/2023 12:13

They are not being that supportive. I bath my child, give him food, change his nappies and do food shopping for him ect... only my mom helps! The only help I get is in the morning when he wakes up at 7am she takes care of him till 12 so that I can sleep

He is your child. Why are you staying in bed until lunchtime and not looking after your own child? If comments have been made that you're always on your phone and they are stopping him from going in their rooms it sounds like you are not supervising him at all.

Reugny · 28/01/2023 12:13

Zamummy · 28/01/2023 12:08

How on earth can I be sick, pregnant and working? Some people here are just commenting and not reading the posts.

Show quote history

You know that you can take sick leave from work if you are very sick for any reason?

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 28/01/2023 12:14

Not sick enough to be sat on your phone all day ignoring your child though. Confused if you can be on your phone your capable of getting up earlier & doing more.

WhatNoRaisins · 28/01/2023 12:20

OP after this baby is born I'd really think about some long term contraception as you're obviously struggling with one child if you need to sleep until midday and two isn't going to be easier.

Ivyy · 28/01/2023 12:32

Op you're getting some really unnecessary harsh comments imo, and some pp have entirely missed the point of why you're staying at your mum's in the first place - because you're unwell, dizzy and faint whilst pregnant, and also have a very young child to look after.

Your Mum offered for you to come and stay so she could help with young dc, and it's good you're getting the morning to rest. Other than that benefit to your health and pregnancy, are there any other positives to staying there? Your siblings making critical comments about your parenting and shouting that they hate your baby, it's wrong and upsetting, what about your Mum, does she criticise you too? If not I'd try and just rise above the sibling crap and continue to stay while you're feeling unwell, I suppose it's about weighing up the positives and negatives then making a decision.

One thing that would worry me is in another post that you mention you're struggling to afford food at your own house, and your dh is working in another country? It's important you eat properly during your pregnancy and can feed your dc well, is living with your family helping with this?

Ivyy · 28/01/2023 12:34

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 28/01/2023 12:14

Not sick enough to be sat on your phone all day ignoring your child though. Confused if you can be on your phone your capable of getting up earlier & doing more.

We don't know op is sitting there on her phone all day though do we?

Original poster
Zamummy · 28/01/2023 12:35

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 28/01/2023 12:14

Not sick enough to be sat on your phone all day ignoring your child though. Confused if you can be on your phone your capable of getting up earlier & doing more.

I am not on my phone all the time and that's what upset me! I use my phone like any normal person

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 28/01/2023 12:36

Zamummy · Today 12:08
How on earth can I be sick, pregnant and working? Some people here are just commenting and not reading the posts.“

Millions of women do.

Original poster
Zamummy · 28/01/2023 12:36

WhatNoRaisins · 28/01/2023 12:20

OP after this baby is born I'd really think about some long term contraception as you're obviously struggling with one child if you need to sleep until midday and two isn't going to be easier.

I've always taken care of my child all by myself and with no help! I am just struggling at the moment with sickness and all

OP posts:
Original poster
Zamummy · 28/01/2023 12:39

Ivyy · 28/01/2023 12:32

Op you're getting some really unnecessary harsh comments imo, and some pp have entirely missed the point of why you're staying at your mum's in the first place - because you're unwell, dizzy and faint whilst pregnant, and also have a very young child to look after.

Your Mum offered for you to come and stay so she could help with young dc, and it's good you're getting the morning to rest. Other than that benefit to your health and pregnancy, are there any other positives to staying there? Your siblings making critical comments about your parenting and shouting that they hate your baby, it's wrong and upsetting, what about your Mum, does she criticise you too? If not I'd try and just rise above the sibling crap and continue to stay while you're feeling unwell, I suppose it's about weighing up the positives and negatives then making a decision.

One thing that would worry me is in another post that you mention you're struggling to afford food at your own house, and your dh is working in another country? It's important you eat properly during your pregnancy and can feed your dc well, is living with your family helping with this?

Thank you for understanding and reading my posts! They are not helping me financially though..
things are just different the last few Months...

OP posts:
LegoGoldenDragon · 28/01/2023 12:39

People are reading your posts, they just aren't agreeing with you. Lots of people had to work and look after young children while pregnant and sick. It sucks! If you aren't safe enough to be on your own due to the dizziness then you will have to stay there and put up with any moaning from family. They are the ones helping while your partner is in another country, so I can see how frustrating it is for them. They didn't choose to have children but are living with one anyway. I do think you are taking the piss sleeping in till 12 every day. My eldest was usually up by 4am at that age!

avist · 28/01/2023 12:40

Zamummy · 28/01/2023 12:36

I've always taken care of my child all by myself and with no help! I am just struggling at the moment with sickness and all

Show quote history

I bath my child, give him food, change his nappies and do food shopping for him ect... only my mom helps! The only help I get is in the morning when he wakes up at 7am she takes care of him till 12 so that I can sleep

So you get 5 hours a day help, thats not no help

Why are you having another child?

ThePear · 28/01/2023 13:00

I have read your posts, thanks. Still makes no sense to me and many other posters. Hopefully you’ve got plans in place for parenting soon to be 2 kids since the father isn’t on the scene. Of course millions of women work while not feeling well.

PeekAtYou · 28/01/2023 13:12

Sounds harsh to call your mother toxic when you've deemed living with her better than living at your home. It sounds like she helps you plenty and the offer to keep your older son at hers isn't unreasonable considering that you are currently struggling. Go home if she's so toxic.

Millions go to work pregnant and sick. It's lucky that you have a partner and mother so you don't have to worry about money and sleep.

kateandme · 28/01/2023 14:09

You need to get access to food luv.yiuvd list weight.arent wsting.cant afford food.u either need to go to gp,midwife or family fir vouchers,food bank,money. You are feeding your child above your self but it's making you ill.
Look up free food bank,community fridges etc.
Why would you leave him.iz this in your culture? You seem to be considering.well otherwise it would just be no .
Why isnt the dad here?contributing?
You need nourishment and help op.his are uih Hong to get uoursrlf that as you clearly can't go on as you are.
And if you leave.you will spiral more. You might have less strife from damoly bit how will u cope with your symptoms and no care at all plus and extra child?

You then need to hold an adult conversation with uour mum and family. You talk and listen and work out how to go forwards. Your all allowed home at this point In your lives do I assume that there is love and support there?

ThePear · 28/01/2023 14:15

If you’re in the UK, have you contacted Gingerbread? They could potentially offer support if you think your mother is toxic and don’t want her providing childcare any longer. They’re for lone parent support.

GoAgainstNicki · 28/01/2023 14:16

ApolloandDaphne · 28/01/2023 11:06

The OP has a child and another on the way. It's a safe bet to assume there is a man involved somehow (although I understand why in some circumstances there may not be). Loads of loan parents have an ex who assumes some care of the children. It's just a question to clarify matters.

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Mm what you’ve described isn’t really a lone parent though is it. The vast majority of lone parents are simply on their own. They may have help from family but barely any input from the other parent. There’s a difference between a lone parent and a single parent

Relaxd · 28/01/2023 14:17

Aphrathestorm · 28/01/2023 08:02

"Not supportive"

"Provides daily free childcare for 5 hours"

What planet are you on??

Of course adults don't want a toddler coming into their rooms!

You sound about 12.

Its actually terrifying that you might be left alone with 2dc in a few months...

This! Not everything is toxic just because you don’t like it. Huge misuse of the word. Def consider working on getting better at dealing with disappointment or differences of opinion/view.

MNHQ
HeidiMumsnet · 28/01/2023 15:28

Hi everyone. Just hoping on here to remind you that Mumsnet is about making parents' lives easier. We all have differences of opinion, but it's important to remain civil when voicing these. Please think before you post. MNHQ

Original poster
Zamummy · 28/01/2023 15:53

HeidiMumsnet · 28/01/2023 15:28

Hi everyone. Just hoping on here to remind you that Mumsnet is about making parents' lives easier. We all have differences of opinion, but it's important to remain civil when voicing these. Please think before you post. MNHQ

Thank you for reminding people. Maybe I am being sensitive to everything my family says about me or my son...

OP posts:
CaptainMyCaptain · 28/01/2023 16:01

@Zamummy Your thread title describes your Mum as toxic but it sounds like she's really helping out a lot. If you could get up in the morning and look after your child more maybe your siblings would be less critical. Otherwise you could go back to your own flat. It's in your hands.

Theunamedcat · 28/01/2023 16:04

Grow up and take care of your own children? You don't need a lie in till 12

thestealthwee · 28/01/2023 16:04

Sometimes the best advice and support though is a bit of a reality check?

Why are you sleeping in until 12?

Why have you had 2 children with a man who doesn't even live in the country?

I think you are being really entitled sorry - presumably your siblings had no say in you returning to the home with a young child in tow and your mother being used for childcare?

I think you need to go home and start being an adult at age 30 and taking responsibility for your own child and the situation you have put yourself in?