Exs new wife is saying these things

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 14/01/2023 21:47

Is there a court order? Do they have to stay over for contact?

I would reinforce with the children that their Step mums behaviour is not ok and they shouldn’t be being treated badly.

What happens when you pass into he info to their father by email? He Denys it?

I imagine that they’ll start refusing to go in a couple of years when they get towards/into teen years.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 14/01/2023 21:51

Send dc with books about wicked sm's...
Suggest ex sees them away from her home...
Or not at all.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 14/01/2023 21:52

Is there a court order?

Pinkyandtwerky · 14/01/2023 21:56

Do DC raise it with their father when they are alone with him?

sounds awful OP I’m so sorry.

Duckingella · 14/01/2023 22:05

So I take it the kids weren't invited to the wedding then.

It sounds as though this woman would love nothing more than for the step children to disappear out of her life.

Does your children's school have a support worker?;you could talk to them about your worries regarding the children's new step mothers emotional abuse towards them and their fathers passive approach to it.See if they have any suggestions.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 14/01/2023 22:11

When my df remarried I wasn't invited. Barely allowed at their home. The one I once lived in as a very small dc.. I blamed sm for years. Until I realised he had allowed her bad treatment of me. Ime your dc's relationship with their df is screwed. Stopping them going will at least end their misery sooner...

quietnightmare · 14/01/2023 22:16

Playing devils advocate here...

This woman has been telling my DC that the home she had bought with their father is her hone and they are guests in her home, not their as in her and the dcs father, but her home.

- is it her home that she has bought with her money? Could this of been said in response to something your child has said to her I.e pick up your toys DSC this is my house and I want it to be tidy ( you know what I'm trying to say)

She says terrible things in covert to my elder DC and as bad according to DC in front of their father who does nothing.
2) is she possibly trying to tell SDC to stop a behaviour without blatantly outright telling your child off so her dad doesn't tell her off ?

the Only contact I have with him is via email as he was and is highly abusive towards me and in the past when I’ve tried to raise and issue with the abrasive way this woman interacts with my children I get a torrent of written abuse.
3) if there's abuse they email is a good idea. Does he perhaps see what your saying as you acting jealous or controlling?

they want to go to him that’s not the issue but the issue is the eldest cannot stand this woman (dc is 11 and younger one 8) and it seems there is a power struggle with the adult not actually behaving like an adult.
4) they want to go to him so perhaps he isn't as passive as your being led to believe? Does she not like her step mum because you don't, possibly reflecting?

she hides their school uniform - I have to provide this when they go and changes of clothes for when they return. The list of this sort of behaviour is petty and pointless in recounting.
5) this one is odd if she doesn't want them there then why would she hide their uniform because that would mean they would be in the house longer? Could it be a case of your child has misplaced their uniform and blames stepmom for it?

During the last contact weekend it’s transpired the stepmother told my child that she hates children and they all annoy her. Wtf.
6) was this even said? And if so in what contact was it an off the cuff comment in response to the kids being rude or arguing?

Just trying to see the 'other side' and give you some thoughts

WandaWonder · 14/01/2023 22:20

If she said it to you that is one thing I would not assume every thing is that way just going by what kids say.

So unless you clarify you are relying on an accurate account of children?

ZeroFuchsGiven · 14/01/2023 22:21

quietnightmare · 14/01/2023 22:16

Playing devils advocate here...

This woman has been telling my DC that the home she had bought with their father is her hone and they are guests in her home, not their as in her and the dcs father, but her home.

- is it her home that she has bought with her money? Could this of been said in response to something your child has said to her I.e pick up your toys DSC this is my house and I want it to be tidy ( you know what I'm trying to say)

She says terrible things in covert to my elder DC and as bad according to DC in front of their father who does nothing.
2) is she possibly trying to tell SDC to stop a behaviour without blatantly outright telling your child off so her dad doesn't tell her off ?

the Only contact I have with him is via email as he was and is highly abusive towards me and in the past when I’ve tried to raise and issue with the abrasive way this woman interacts with my children I get a torrent of written abuse.
3) if there's abuse they email is a good idea. Does he perhaps see what your saying as you acting jealous or controlling?

they want to go to him that’s not the issue but the issue is the eldest cannot stand this woman (dc is 11 and younger one 8) and it seems there is a power struggle with the adult not actually behaving like an adult.
4) they want to go to him so perhaps he isn't as passive as your being led to believe? Does she not like her step mum because you don't, possibly reflecting?

she hides their school uniform - I have to provide this when they go and changes of clothes for when they return. The list of this sort of behaviour is petty and pointless in recounting.
5) this one is odd if she doesn't want them there then why would she hide their uniform because that would mean they would be in the house longer? Could it be a case of your child has misplaced their uniform and blames stepmom for it?

During the last contact weekend it’s transpired the stepmother told my child that she hates children and they all annoy her. Wtf.
6) was this even said? And if so in what contact was it an off the cuff comment in response to the kids being rude or arguing?

Just trying to see the 'other side' and give you some thoughts

Wtf are you talking about? Your 'other side' is blaming op and her kids which is not the case here ffs.

quietnightmare · 14/01/2023 22:23

@ZeroFuchsGiven
🤣

Isthisweirdornot · 14/01/2023 22:31

Looool @ZeroFuchsGiven 😂😂

ZeroFuchsGiven · 14/01/2023 22:36

Awww the step mummies are ganging up on me :(

Never really read the lone parents board is it always like this?

pocketvenuss · 14/01/2023 22:42

quietnightmare · 14/01/2023 22:16

Playing devils advocate here...

This woman has been telling my DC that the home she had bought with their father is her hone and they are guests in her home, not their as in her and the dcs father, but her home.

- is it her home that she has bought with her money? Could this of been said in response to something your child has said to her I.e pick up your toys DSC this is my house and I want it to be tidy ( you know what I'm trying to say)

She says terrible things in covert to my elder DC and as bad according to DC in front of their father who does nothing.
2) is she possibly trying to tell SDC to stop a behaviour without blatantly outright telling your child off so her dad doesn't tell her off ?

the Only contact I have with him is via email as he was and is highly abusive towards me and in the past when I’ve tried to raise and issue with the abrasive way this woman interacts with my children I get a torrent of written abuse.
3) if there's abuse they email is a good idea. Does he perhaps see what your saying as you acting jealous or controlling?

they want to go to him that’s not the issue but the issue is the eldest cannot stand this woman (dc is 11 and younger one 8) and it seems there is a power struggle with the adult not actually behaving like an adult.
4) they want to go to him so perhaps he isn't as passive as your being led to believe? Does she not like her step mum because you don't, possibly reflecting?

she hides their school uniform - I have to provide this when they go and changes of clothes for when they return. The list of this sort of behaviour is petty and pointless in recounting.
5) this one is odd if she doesn't want them there then why would she hide their uniform because that would mean they would be in the house longer? Could it be a case of your child has misplaced their uniform and blames stepmom for it?

During the last contact weekend it’s transpired the stepmother told my child that she hates children and they all annoy her. Wtf.
6) was this even said? And if so in what contact was it an off the cuff comment in response to the kids being rude or arguing?

Just trying to see the 'other side' and give you some thoughts

You've created quite a lot of suppositions there. Facts like the OP not even being told of the wedding suggests the ex and the new wife are a little weird at least.
Do you routinely come up with far fetched alternatives?

quietnightmare · 14/01/2023 22:48

@pocketvenuss
Two sides to every story

ZeroFuchsGiven · 14/01/2023 22:49

quietnightmare · 14/01/2023 22:48

@pocketvenuss
Two sides to every story

And on MN you will never get that, Op came here for support not criticism

quietnightmare · 14/01/2023 22:51

@ZeroFuchsGiven
Zero criticism. Gave the opposite view. However you are aggressive, I hope you are ok

FatPatsCat · 14/01/2023 22:55

quietnightmare · 14/01/2023 22:51

@ZeroFuchsGiven
Zero criticism. Gave the opposite view. However you are aggressive, I hope you are ok

How do you get through life if you think that was aggressive?

quietnightmare · 14/01/2023 22:58

@FatPatsCat

Please see original comment directed to me from the poster. Nice use of 'wtf' and 'ffs'

Wtf are you talking about? Your 'other side' is blaming op and her kids which is not the case here ffs.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 14/01/2023 23:04

Op I'm really sorry your post got derailed. Is there a court order in place?

Wonnle · 14/01/2023 23:19

quietnightmare · 14/01/2023 22:48

@pocketvenuss
Two sides to every story

Three really , one side , the other side and the truth somewhere in between

quietnightmare · 14/01/2023 23:21

@Wonnle
Hit the nail on the head there

Original poster

Eowisparttime · 15/01/2023 00:13

No court order unfortunately.

ss were involved a long time ago but after we split as he was reported for smacking one of the dc. They decided as it was a one off thye were allowed back and it was decided it was best they saw him but with reduced contact.

@quietnightmare oh dear, you’ve quite misunderstood the dynamic but that’s ok, there tends to be a lot of projection on MN, and no his parents paid the deposit and he earns far more than she as she works PT. I know this for a fact before you go there. He pays via csa but was underpaying for years due to misreporting overnights but that’s a losing battle to fight.

they were invited to the wedding but I was told the week before as the dc were told not to tell me. So after the fact is more accurately after they decided to get married. I quite honestly was pleased when I knew he was seeing someone as I had hoped he would stop harassing me on email about things in the past. Instead he has become angrier - we’ve been separated for over 7 years so it’s a little tedious hearing his option of me.

this woman had a specific unpleasant name she calls me to their father which really upsets them, I don’t care what she says or thinks about me when I’m not there but when my DCs are subject to it, I will object. Considering I’ve never met her, I find it strange there is such a strong opinion from some who who tells the dc she is a feminist and stands for women’s rights, when her husband was physically and emotionally abusive and sometimes in front of the DC.

it was really bad just before they were married when SS were involved. They got married 18 months or so after they met just for timeline purposes so together around 3 or so. Pandemic has made my timelines probably out by a few months or so!

anything they take there yes never comes back and I have to replace it, no she doesn’t want them there longer, what is that logic about?

Beyond being disappointed at the type of character their father has chosen to involve in their lives who shouts and carry’s on in the way described (I believe children when I’m told something has happened to upset them) you’ve definitely given me some thoughts 😂

yeah maybe they won’t want to go when they’re older but they want to spend time with their dad but don’t seem close anymore and told me they can’t talk about this sort of thing with him as he just gets cross with them.

OP posts:

Original poster

Eowisparttime · 15/01/2023 00:29

Oh to be clear they were invited to the wedding but not the reception - the contact schedule was changed at the last minute and as I was due to be away and not back in time to drop them early (after the ceremony) I became a back and forth because I wouldn’t cancel my plans. I mean how tf am I meant to it’s a wedding if I’m not told. The dc were really messed up by all this actually but this is how I found out about the wedding. I had hoped it would calm him down being married and settled but quite the opposite and the dc seem to be pushed out more and more as she appears to not want them so involved which is of course worrying as it is confusing for them. They are t allowed to call on their weekends and he never calls them to say hi. It’s weird as my departed friends don’t behave like this.

he won’t change the schedule come hell or high water but as I am primary career have to suck up his changes , I don’t bother to contest them now as I don’t have the time to battle over these things anymore. We do usually stick to the EOW, mostly.

even when one dc had an accident as it wasn’t his day and I didn’t pick up straight away he said he was too far to go - my office is as far but luckily for the message not long after. Just more oddness now I think about it.

OP posts:

Nat6999 · 15/01/2023 00:29

Don't send them in school uniform, have him collect them from yours & send them in things that are old & don't matter. If he insists on collecting them from school could you speak to school & ask if they could change 5 minutes before school finishes & leave that set of uniform at school to collect the next school day? You have to play him at his own game, as they get older they can look after their own clothes, I would also bill him for all the uniform he hasn't returned.

Original poster

Eowisparttime · 15/01/2023 00:36

@Nat6999 that feels so complicated but I know what you’re saying.
immlaughing at billing him, he won’t even pay for extra lessons or after school clubs or anything additional outside of what he has to pay via the csa so I never ask. He took me to court when we separated for something my parents actually bought me. Was very stressful but it was settled when I provided receipts.

I would happily have no contact but obviously there are the dc so I update the necessary school stuff as he never goes to parents evening which he never replies to and any medical issues which is briefly acknowledges. Other than that he doesn’t parent except on his weekends which I can’t do much about.

and for @quietnightmare this set up has been all his decision before you say anything he won’t have them any additional nights according to the family agreement schedule. If there is a change he will balance it out so he ensure there are no additional nights or time at his.

we agreed half holidays too and he always makes sure I have them for the bulk of them and he has them for the weeks which suit him. It doesn’t have much impact at this point but just for some context to your rather personalised assumptions.

OP posts: