I'm losing my mind.
I have 3 young children. Narcissistic ex who doesn't see them or contribute anything. His punishment to me for the injunctions I had to get against him.
I feel utterly and completely exhausted. Broken actually. I'm self employed in a very full on and heavy role. Great as it means I am capable of supporting the children myself but not great in terms of leaving me depleted with no head space , time or energy to get on top of the basics let alone have any time for myself. Its stressful enough having to take time off when the kids are ill/ I'm ill etc as means no money coming in. So to take time off just for me feels impossible. I'm now perimenopausal so struggling physically as well as mentally.
My family have all got their own stuff going on so no real offer of help from them. This in itself upsets me as I am drowning and noone seems to acknowledge it. Even when I ring In tears. I don't feel like anyone understands how fucking done in I am. I am dropping all the plates. I have a wonderful childminder but the expense means again I just don't feel I can justify sending them when I'm not earning in that time.
I don't feel like I'm present enough for my children. The house is so obliterated I don't even know where to start. The washing is never ending yet I can't ever find the clothes I need. Even if I had a day or the energy to start tidying/decluttering- which I don't - it's just constant interruptions from the kids arguing or needing something. So I'm left with a fragmented head not capable of focusing.
I don't think I ever really recovered from lockdown tbh. Plus all the court hearings I had to go through. I'm so burnt out I don't know what to do.
Has anyone been in a similar situation and got through it?