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Original poster

One night stands = baby's

117 replies

krisked · 23/11/2004 16:48

I have just had a very interesting but heated conversation with a friend for college about the plight of fathers for justice/CSA and would like your comments....Sorry if this winds people up but i believe it should be discussed.

The topic was basically "Men should pay ther're way but should it be the same rules for men who have one night stands or are tricked" whatever that means ....we all know it takes 2 to tango.

The story started with that recent news release of the boy who said the girl told him she was on the pill and now will have to support the child until 16. Do you think this is right????

OP posts:
Original poster
krisked · 25/11/2004 16:57

Hello girls....just thought I would let you know that as part of this conversation i thought it would be interesting to find out what the male species think about it all....surprisingly enough i dont even have to spell it out

OP posts:
Phoebe25 · 25/11/2004 17:01

I'd ring the registry (or look on the net) Beansmum. It's better to know for sure. Mind you, most blokes wouldn't have a clue about what they're entitled to!
Thanx for the other advice. I'd rather not have anything to do with him, but i do kinda need the money. Plus,he does want access so there's no way he'd just walk away!
I want to stay off work until DD is at least a year old, therefore, the money would come in handy.
When we were still on amicable terms, he did offer £300 pcm. If that ever happens, that would be a great help...but i'll not hold my breath!

Caligula · 25/11/2004 17:05

He wants access but wants you to take a DNA test?

The baseness of some people is astounding.

caroline9824 · 30/11/2004 16:28

i have a horrible situation myself- dd (20 months) was the result of a very drunken one night stand and her father now claims that he had testicular cancer a few years ago so he knows he is infertile, therefore she can't be his.
How can i question thia without seeming like a real bitch?

somebodyelse · 30/11/2004 16:41

my ds is nearly 3.

I got pg after a long run of 1 night stands with the same bloke IYSWIM, we kept meeting up with each other but never got together, we were friends and had known each other for a longtime, we were single and had no intention of seeing anyone.
I became pg, he did not want a child then (or ever really, he is not a child type of person-althouhth this may change in years to come)
I decide to go ahead as I could not have an abortion, but at no time did I think he would contribute, he decided no-just because I decidedto go ahead does not make him culpable-it was my choice, I don't expect soeone else to pay the fine if I choose to speed, or someone else to go to jail if I decide to steal-I decided to have a baby, why does he have to pay for that?

IMO, if it was an accident (at least as far as the father is concerned) then the mother can make her choices-but if she should choose to keep her baby then she should be prepared to do that alone

somebodyelse · 30/11/2004 16:41

sorry, obviously I have changed names.

beansmum · 30/11/2004 16:45

but the father chose to have sex and not to use contraception, so he knew there was a chance you could get pregnant. So why should he be able to go on with his life as if nothing has happened?

My ex doesn't contribute anything and I'm quite happy with that but I would also have no problem taking his money (if he had any).

somebodyelse · 30/11/2004 16:49

because he chose no to have children!
If he were the mother he would have had an abortion-I took that choice away from him when I went ahead with the pg.

As I made the choice and in doing so I took his freedom of choice away. Why should he also have to pay cash for that?

Uwila · 30/11/2004 16:52

Caroline,
I don't asking someone to take a test to prove paternity (or disprove it) makes you a bitch. I think the lease he can do is take a test so that everyone will at least know if he's the father. But, even if it did make you a bitch, I believe that sometime we have to upset other people for the sake of our children. If you want your child to know who his/her father is, then it seems perfectly resaonable for the man you slept with to take a little test.

Uwila · 30/11/2004 16:55

Somebody else, because his action put in the position of having to make that choice AFTER you were pregnant. Many people who would choose not to be pregnant in the first place would also choose not to have an abortion once pregnant. So, you could say that he too took some of the choice away from you. You may have chosen not to have an abortion, but did you choose to be pregnant?

somebodyelse · 30/11/2004 16:58

In his defence, he has never denied paternity-and it has been taken just on trust in my word.

Also he has said (and I believe) that when I tell ds he will be happy to see him etc, he would not turn him away or shut him out in anyway.

Knowledge of paternity is a big thing-a man will not want to take a test simply because then they have to acknoledge the truth and that scares them as much as anything else. I agree taht a child needs to know who their father is sooner or later.

somebodyelse · 30/11/2004 16:59

uwila-in that sense both of us were as guilty as each other-ie we both did not want to get pg, but we both went to bed so that one really cancels itself out IYSWIM.

somebodyelse · 30/11/2004 17:03

I hve to go, but I will come back to this as it is something I find really interesting, so many people have such differing views on it all!

Uwila · 30/11/2004 17:03

That just means he's 50% responsible for the situation, not 100%, which is all I meant to say anyway.

But, I guess if it doesn't bother you then it certainly shouldn't bother anyone else.

somebodyelse · 30/11/2004 17:36

No IMO that makes him 0%!

we both took the risk in the first place so that cancels that out.

then, he decided abortion
I decided baby

Therefore it is 100% down to me that there is a baby IMO!!

I know all the arguments either way about it all, but the fact is that I made that ultimate decision knowing how he felt about it, therefore I am wholy responsible for that life!

spacemonkey · 30/11/2004 17:39

Of course, it's entirely up to you somebodyelse in your specific situation, but as a general rule I think uwila is right.

lockets · 30/11/2004 17:42

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spacemonkey · 30/11/2004 17:46

Exactly right lockets.

somebodyelse · 30/11/2004 17:47

No, that just means that it is ultimatly the womans responsibility to make sure contraception is used-and unpc as it may be that is the truth!

we are the ones who get pg, if a man wants to use nothing, then the woman has to let him, in order to make a baby! Ultimatly it comes down to the women-wether we like that or not!

No men should not get of scott free a lot of the time, but the fact remains that a baby is not made if a woman says no (excluding accidents and other far mor sinister stories), therefore it is the womens responsibility to use contraception.

spacemonkey · 30/11/2004 17:47

omg I totally disagree

Uwila · 30/11/2004 17:49

Somebody else, you have given your child's dad way too much freedom. I hope he appreciates your view. And I hope that when the time comes to tell your child who daddy is, that he will be as giving in return.

If anyone but you had made this choice, I would think you had been shafted. But, as it is you relinquishing him from all responsibility, I guess you can do that. However, your extreme generosity should not be expected of all accidentally pregnant women who don't want to have an abortion.

Still believe it's 50%. It's only 0% in this case because you have graciously accepted your 50% as well as his 50%.

lockets · 30/11/2004 17:50

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lockets · 30/11/2004 17:51

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somebodyelse · 30/11/2004 17:51

SM, don't worry, that sounds far more liberal than I meant it too-I did not mean that if an accident happens than it is the womenss fault-which is how that comes across, I meant that, if a man says "I don't want to use a condom" then the women has to say "ok then no sex" and because of that teh onus is always on the woman

somebodyelse · 30/11/2004 17:52

lockets, sorry, have missed something I think-what does and how?

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