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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

One night stands = baby's

117 replies

krisked · 23/11/2004 16:48

I have just had a very interesting but heated conversation with a friend for college about the plight of fathers for justice/CSA and would like your comments....Sorry if this winds people up but i believe it should be discussed.

The topic was basically "Men should pay ther're way but should it be the same rules for men who have one night stands or are tricked" whatever that means ....we all know it takes 2 to tango.

The story started with that recent news release of the boy who said the girl told him she was on the pill and now will have to support the child until 16. Do you think this is right????

OP posts:

JanH · 23/11/2004 20:27

Nooooo, DG!

So you wear a condom and make sure you take it and its contents home with you!!!! Keep Britain Tidy...

hmb · 23/11/2004 20:31

Yup, she came up with some good ones did my mum. Poor old bugger doesn't know who I am these days. Seize the day , ladies.

Caligula · 23/11/2004 22:10

My favourite funny contraceptive expression is the Liverpudlian "getting off at Edge Hill" (ie: withdrawal. Edge Hill is the station before Liverpool Lime Street, the end of the line, for those of you not familiar with Merseyside!)

Chandra · 23/11/2004 22:16

Which also happens to be one of the less effective contraception "techniques"

stitch · 23/11/2004 22:17

joash, are you me?
ds 1 was condom, ds2 pill, and dd coil.
i thought i was the only one

MummyToSteven · 23/11/2004 22:17

but better than nothing - i think it is 75% effective - so sufficiently effective that it is better to try that than nothing at all, I remember being told once.

Original poster

krisked · 24/11/2004 11:03

Thanks everyone for your imput...Its very interesting reading......

How about this scenario....The woman has an affair with a millionairre and leaves her husband for him.......She marry's her new husband but continues to claim from her ex....
Then you have another woman down the road who's husband has left her and married a millionairess, left his job but because he claims hes not working and keeps all cash in his wifes account his ex gets nothing...

I know its far fetched but i guess what im trying to get at is should the CSA decide cases on the individual merits or is it OK at the moment with the standard 15% for one child etc etc

OP posts:

SuzySox · 24/11/2004 11:11

Haven't read all of this so can only comment on the last post by Krisked but

If the father married a millionairess why should he pay more money?? it's his wife's money ot his! If his new wife choses to spoil her new step-child then that is her decisions and by now way should any authority have the power to force her to do anything other withe her money.

SuzySox · 24/11/2004 11:12

ok that should be 'not' rather than 'ot' and 'by no way' etc

must try not to post in a rush

miranda2 · 24/11/2004 11:51

But if hte father has given up his job on the basis of marrying a millionairess??
Anyway, I thought the point of marriage was it was a joint partnership and goods became jointly owned...
I think current financial situation should be taken into account, as should the actual cost of bringing up the child.

Going back to the OP, I agree that a bloke (and a woman) has to accept that sex may result in a child. If you do it, you have to pay up if that is the result. All this worry about a woman 'trapping' a poor man - I guess it may happen, but what about all the men who coerce women into sex??

SuzySox · 25/11/2004 09:08

Oh interesting point Miranda, I guess it depends what foot the boot is on as to how you see it.

Having being the partner of someone having money taken from the CSA and now being someone who is trying to get money from someone through the CSA I can see both sides.

However if the 'millionairess' is already supporting this man then why should she then have to give money to his previous family? it's like punishing her financially for having a relationship with a man that has a past. Joint partnership or not, if she has worked hard for her money why shouldn't she have the right to choose what she does with it?

Caligula · 25/11/2004 09:21

If she is enabling the man to evade his responsibilities by supporting him to give up work so that he can not support his children, then she's a very strange woman! I can't imagine why anyone would want to do that - if I suddenly won the lottery tomorrow then met someone who told me he wanted to give up work so he didn't have to support his children, I can't see myself being terribly attracted to him!

And I agree that in marriage, the assets are joint. That's a fundamental principle of marriage.

beansmum · 25/11/2004 09:34

I'm still a bit puzzled by how you can trick a man into getting you pregnant. I have been thinking up all sorts of strange situations where the man could be unaware that he is having sex, but other than that if he has sex he knows there is a risk of the woman getting pregnant. And I'm surprised that people still have one night stands without condoms, pregnancy is the least of your worries.

I think all fathers should be required to provide for their children whether they wanted them or not, the mother doesn't have a choice.

Phoebe25 · 25/11/2004 16:10

Hmm interesting thread!

I also got pregnant following a one night stand. It was a boozy works do & im deeply ashamed that i barely remember a thing about it.Thus i feel i was possibly taken advantage of, but i am also aware that it does take two to tango!
I wasn't on any contraception as i had been single for a couple of years & he didnt think to use anything either. I did take the morning after pill, but without success. I am now the proud mother of a beautiful 3 week old baby daughter & she is the light of my life!

However.....rather annoyingly, he is demanding a DNA test & the hundreds of pounds it costs to get one done!
A laughing matter, seeing as all the dates correlate & the baby bears more than a passing resemblance to him!
He is now in a new relationship & has also slept with a variety of people during my pregnancy.
He was there that night, he was no where near as drunk as i was yet chose not to use protection.
How dare he have the cheek to say i 'tricked' him?

An unfortunate statement to make to a heavily pregnant, hormonal women! He was told in no uncertain terms that i wouldn't have chosen him to father my child if he was the last man on earth! Cheeky b*stard.

No doubt we'll have years of chasing money through the CSA etc.
As i keep telling him,a packet of condoms would have been much cheaper!

Tinker · 25/11/2004 16:14

Ooo, Phoebe lots of sympathy and empathy. First thing my daughter's dad said when I rang to tell him about teh birth was, "I can't give you any money" Nice touch. Why isn't he paying for teh DNA test if he's the one taht wants it?

tarantula · 25/11/2004 16:27

Im gobsmacked that anyone would expect the new partner of a father/mother to support his /her children regardless of how much money she has or not. The parents of the child should be responsible for the children, both of them. Easier said than done I know but like Caligula I cant see many women helping a man to evade his responsibilities in the way described. This whole area is a minefield and each situation is different.

Phoebe25 · 25/11/2004 16:29

Well actually Tinker, i saw him the other day & refused point blank to pay for the test.
As i said to him, "Why do i need to pay hundreds of pounds to prove what i already know?"
He must think i havent had to put my hand in my pocket at all! Hah. These little cherubs dont come cheap.
He didnt even bring anything when she was born!

I've told him if she isnt his (Which i honestly wish she wasn't) then i will refund him!
Im only agreeing to the test in the first place, so he'll cough up.
Grrr

Uwila · 25/11/2004 16:30

So Phoebe25, does this w*nker's new girlfriend know about your bundle of joy? Might be fun to tell her.

Interesting about the DNA tes. Whose responsibility is it to pay? Just curious.

Just think, if only we didn't need men to make babies we could wipe them off the planet.

Phoebe25 · 25/11/2004 16:31

Has anyone managed to get this 'Sure start maternity grant'. I believe it's £500 & as we would all agree, would come in very handy.
It all seems a bit vague as to who can claim it.

Phoebe25 · 25/11/2004 16:36

Uwila, what a fabulous idea!
But can we leave the 'Nip/Tuck guys' just for our pleasure!!

Not that i can believe a word that comes out of his mouth, she apparently knows all about us. She herself is a single mum of 3???

Hopefully, i will be able to get money out of him at some point as i havent put his name on the birth certificate.
Seeing as some bird brain in the government decided unmarried fathers should have full parental responsibilities, the only way to escape this clause is to leave the name off.
If not, he would be treated in law as if he were married to me....Err, i think not!

beansmum · 25/11/2004 16:38

is that just in england? please say yes! my ex is on beans birth certificate but I was sure he didn't have PR.

beansmum · 25/11/2004 16:42

did that post make any sense? didn't think so.

Phoebe25 · 25/11/2004 16:43

I'm not sure if that applies in other countries too Beansmum, where are you?
That law just came in last December. Before that, unmarried fathers didnt automatically get PR, they had to apply for it. You're probably safe!

beansmum · 25/11/2004 16:48

i'm in Scotland and bean was born in June this year. i'm worried now!

Caligula · 25/11/2004 16:49

Phoebe, are you sure you want this guy to be proven to be your DD's father? I don't know your financial circumstances and how much you need maintenance, but if he's only ever going to be a negative influence in your and your child's life, the sums of money the CSA calculate that you need for maintenance are so low, that you might be better off forgoing the chance of making him pay for his child and ensuring that he never has any control over you via her.

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