Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Racist or not

27 replies

Light11 · 16/04/2022 21:49

Straightforward question is this racist or not

A white British parent telling a first immigrant parent non white (whom they share a child with) that it if they were to leave the country it would be much easier.

The context is clearly an argument.

Avoiding to say which parent is which to avoid bias!

Yes no what do you think

OP posts:
MartinMartinMarti · 16/04/2022 21:50

Probably twatish, but not specifically racist.

AHungryCaterpillar · 16/04/2022 21:53

No

Luredbyapomegranate · 16/04/2022 21:56

Would need more context but on the face of it most likely rude/nasty but not specifically racist. I can imagine this person would say the same to their ex partner if they were white and from
Germany.

KaptainKaveman · 17/04/2022 05:40

Impossible to determine without the full text of the dialogue.

MissMaple82 · 17/04/2022 05:41

No

PinkSyCo · 17/04/2022 05:42

Not racist no.

magicstars · 17/04/2022 05:43

Not specifically racism from what you've said, but it does sounds like there may be more to consider. Can you give some context? As clearly someone is feeling discriminated against.

mythological · 17/04/2022 05:49

No unless there is more info

SickAndTiredAgain · 17/04/2022 06:22

Depends what they meant. If it was more a “I think you’re such a shit parent that everything would be easier if you buggered off to the moon and never came back!” sort of comment then no.

TangledUp789 · 17/04/2022 06:26

You're clearly the white British one in this scenario, so I wonder if you worded it exactly as you have in your OP (or in more of a 'go back to your own country' sort of way)? If your 'non-white' ex felt that your words had racist undertones then I don't think it's the place of me, or the many other white women on here, to say that he's wrong to feel that way.

fffffeeeedddduupp · 17/04/2022 06:45

I'd say yes. It's something nasty being said that relates to their ethnicity. Either way horrible.

AchillesPoirot · 17/04/2022 06:47

It depends on the context and the exact words used.

ChoiceMummy · 17/04/2022 07:57

Not form what you've written.

Sounds like a factual comment from the perspective of the parent saying it.

CareBearsCare · 17/04/2022 09:12

The white parent is basically saying that the non-white parent doesn't belong in the UK. Depending on how many years the non-white parent has been in the UK and how much they see the UK as their home, it is xenophobic as that comment could be make towards someone who was say white and German so it's not a race comment.

ohfook · 17/04/2022 09:15

We'll they probably wouldn't have said it to the person if they were also white British. So I think yes.

The problem here is on Mumsnet you don't know the race of the people replying so if it's just a lot of white people saying no it's not racist that's about as helpful as asking a load of men if something is sexist. Unless it's literally benny hill wandering around, they won't see the nuances.

Original poster
Light11 · 17/04/2022 12:22

Thank you all, some nos and yeses.

Not about me personally. Agree that it is horrible and nasty. I have discussed with the person and honestly it’s split opinions I also think that if you are at the receiving end and you are a minority you may be more inclined to take offence from that angle as well.

OP posts:
Original poster
Light11 · 17/04/2022 12:23

I do very much agree that it probably wouldn’t have been said to another white British person! But then again a lot of things can be said in anger

OP posts:
Starseeking · 18/04/2022 08:35

Of course it's racist, i.e. based on race, as they wouldn't have said it to a white person.

That sort of comment is exactly why non-white people should be very very careful about who they procreate with.

redbigbananafeet · 18/04/2022 08:43

@Starseeking

Of course it's racist, i.e. based on race, as they wouldn't have said it to a white person.

That sort of comment is exactly why non-white people should be very very careful about who they procreate with.

Of course you'd say it to another white person. If the partner was from France and white you could easily say the same thing to them.
imagen · 18/04/2022 08:46

This is not racism FFS.

imagen · 18/04/2022 08:48

@Starseeking

Of course it's racist, i.e. based on race, as they wouldn't have said it to a white person.

That sort of comment is exactly why non-white people should be very very careful about who they procreate with.

Erm no, it's not based on race, there's zero evidence for that. And not liking a country is not a racial issue. I know plenty of people who complain about living over here, it's not racist to not like a place.

I'm willing to bet this situation could be about relatives etc or lifestyle clashes

JellyfishandShells · 18/04/2022 08:50

Not racist - I could say that to my dual nationality white DH meaning he has the ability to easily go and live somewhere else whereas I don’t.

Kanaloa · 18/04/2022 08:52

I don’t understand what’s actually happened. Is it that the white parent has said to their immigrant partner ‘my life would be better if you went back to x’ during an argument? If so that’s nasty. Or is it the white partner saying that life is easier in that country?

Starseeking · 18/04/2022 09:26

Haha. All non-white people (first generation or otherwise) know exactly what it means when a white person says this type of thing in anger. Good luck with that.

Flakeymcwakey · 18/04/2022 09:39

It's probably worth remembering that post MacPherson, the standard for if something is racist isn't about the intentions of the perpetrator, but instead about the effect on the person experiencing the comment/ action/ behaviour. So this whole debate about whether it is racist or not is a bit problematic; it's a way of whatabouting the experience of the person who is saying it's racist. I'm assuming here the non-white immigrant has said they felt it was racist.

The basic fact is that the non-white person felt that the white person was calling their own ethnic privilege into the argument. I'd say that's racist. People might think it would or wouldn't be said to a white immigrant but that isn't the point here. The point is that there is a dynamic of racial/ ethnic privilege between the couple and the one with that privilege has taken it on themselves to remind the non white person of that. Whether it was "just" the intention of the white person to remind the other is an immigrant rather than specifically a non white immigrant is a splitting of hairs that is further making look the white person look like a racist twat, in my eyes