Ex asked not to have DD due to grief

[Somenewname]

I may be unreasonable but I want to get views on this.
I just get annoyed how my ex seems to get a day off parenthood when there’s a problem. He has DD every Wednesday and EOW and he’s reliable and good most of the time. He does cancel for weird things like IBS flare ups etc which annoy me as I’ve had norovirus and looked after her before. Today he’s messaged saying he can’t have DD this Wednesday because his stepdads funeral is Friday and he needs time to think. I get that grief is hard but his stepdad died in December and he’s had her throughout January so I don’t understand why he can’t now? I just feel it’s frustrating and maybe him cancelling in the past for small things may have stained my view of this.
I see DD as a good distraction and love having her around especially if I’m feeling low but maybe we are different in that respect?

@SunshineCake1

I would do it this time but tell him from now on if he doesn't want to have his child then he pays for childcare.

I'd rather have my own child than him put them in daycare & no, I wouldn't want money for having my own child.

Obviously I meant regular, recognised and known to the child child care and I never said he should pay the mother . Nor did suggest you would want money.

Ah.

What a charmer.

I agree that this isn't the argument you want to have at this time but if it's a general theme you do need to push back. My ex does this, he is always looking for reasons to drop the kids back early or pick them up late. He mostly uses a generic "I need to catch up on work because of (insert lame reason)". Not a huge amount I can do about it really except push back where I can. But then when I was having significant family issues recently he's dropped everything to have the kids so I could be there for my family who really needed me urgently. If it works both ways there's less resentment I guess is what I'm saying.

@BuickMcKane

The problem is, you can't MAKE him take her. I'm 8 years post split with my ex and it's just impossible to physically make them take the kids. You can say no sorry it's you're day all you like, but the bottom line is if he doesn't want to have her he just won't turn up. On the occasions my ex has relented, the kids have had a miserable time with a grumpy, resentful dad. I know it's shit, and you just want them to step up properly, but he sounds like my ex and many more on this site who see their kids as an option rather than a priority.

It’s refreshing to read this. I can tell it’s the lone parent forum because the rest of MN seems to think that these exes will magically step up just because it’s agreed access time.

OP if it’s any consolation my ex wouldn’t even have his DD for an afternoon so I could go to my father’s funeral. He was truly a prince among men