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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

I know I am not alone when I sometimes want to say f**k it all to hell!

35 replies

TwoIfBySanta · 15/12/2007 19:56

RANT WARNINGRANT WARNINGRANT WARNING***

Ex-dh picked up dts today supposedly to take them to the cinema. This was a full day thing, having been given clearance by new bit who is complaining that she won't see them over Christmas. She who has seen them a grand total of 3 times, she who has been seeing him for only a few months (and if you believe that here is another one for you.)

For the past couple of visits he has taken them out on his own and things have gone fine. I have tolerate him and he has not shouted at me.

Today though...it is my birthday in a few days time. He knew I was taking them to see Santa tomorrow (on my own as I have always done even when he was here) and then out to dinner on Tuesday. I had asked specifically for him not to take them to see Santa so I should have known he would then do it.

Not only that but he took them to The Deer Centre instead of the cinema (not a problem at all as long as they had fun) but wait, because she said. Then to top it off her mother works there so they visited her too. WTF? That is over-stepping the mark, surely.

He then started a shouting match when he brought them home, smirking when he told me he had taken them to see Santa. Said he left because he wanted some control in his life, but I never controlled him - quite the opposite - she does though. I know the shouting match, the things he says to me in front of her are all for her benefit - she'll find out what he is really like at some point and hell mend her.

I'm just so f*ing fed up with his nonsense. He is now throwing a major hissy fit saying he won't be over for Christmas (he wanted to come at 7am because he is going to her parents for dinner and needs to be back at their house early) but that I'll get my money (just so she can hear I'm a money grabbing bitch I suppose, after he bled me dry of course, there is no money to be had!)

Why does he have to be such a bloody swine? And why am I alone this Christmas and not him? There is no justice. And as I said f**k it all to hell!

OP posts:

Original poster

TwoIfBySanta · 15/12/2007 19:58

Oh and I should add that he said on the phone in front of her that I should know we are not getting back together!!!!

Sorry but she can have him! I know sometimes people say that but secretly hope he will return but he should know that there is no way ever.

OP posts:

charliecat · 15/12/2007 20:04

TWAT. Sounds like hes having her on already.

Janos · 15/12/2007 20:04

Firstly can I say - what a tosser. I hate that kind of petty point scoring. Why do they feel the need to do it? Rant away!

Secondly ' "why am I alone this Christmas and not him? There is no justice." I could be writing this too.

Thirdly - BRILLIANT user name!

charliecat · 15/12/2007 20:06

Better to be alone than MISERABLE folks...

Janos · 15/12/2007 20:07

Fourthly - why can I not do italics?

LOL.

It does piss me off that my XP has seemingly waltzed into another relationship with minimal effort while I seem to attract only madmen. But then I remember what being in a relationship with him was like. And I feel sorry for her.

charliecat · 15/12/2007 20:08

Yep....I attract madmnen too, crossdressing madmen, but besides....these women with our exes...they are to be pitied, not envied.

yorkishbirdy · 15/12/2007 20:11

I have nothing constructive to say other than you are alone he is not - looking at her who do you feel most sorry for?

At the end of the day, you will spend your christmas doing what you want with your DCs. It sounds, to me at least, that he will spend it running his arse off for a controlling *** and missing out on the special time with his own children.

One day when he is old and grey he will look back and try to rememer christmas with his children, what he will have is a fleeting glimpse of a day when you will have the real memories and the love that goes with shared moments.

Janos · 15/12/2007 20:13

"they are to be pitied, not envied."

Amen to that charliecat.

charliecat · 15/12/2007 20:19

(you need to do the italic thing round every word BTW)

TwinklyfLightAttendant · 15/12/2007 20:20

Oh yes. Pitied indeed. Actually I pity them both, she is a witch and he hasn't changed.
Hurrah!
I was right all along

QueenofAllWildThings · 15/12/2007 20:22

You are alone because you have standards. He is not alone because many women attract tossers and seem to thrive on being treated like crap. She'll learn...

Janos · 15/12/2007 20:28

likethisyoumean^?

It's good being right isn't it, TwinklyFlightAttendant?

On the few occasions that I've met my XP's new lady love, I've recognised something. The same oppressed and defeated look that I sported while we were together.

charliecat · 15/12/2007 20:29

spaces between words too

Janos · 15/12/2007 20:42

I'll get there eventually charliecat...

charliecat · 15/12/2007 20:42

PersephoneSnowballSnape · 15/12/2007 20:53

you're not alone, you get to see your DCs wake up on xmas morning. you get to see their little faces when they open their presents.

I'd FAR rather be alone with my kids than with an abusive controlling tosser.

and if you still see it as being alone, or your children go somewhere else on xmas night, then some of us will be here.

TLV · 15/12/2007 21:29

having become a single parent recently, from your thread it doesn't sound like its that happy between them, twats go from one women to the next making the same f*king mistakes, whilst we wait till the right one comes along (fingers crossed) and like one poster said you have the joy of seeing you dc on xmas morning (oh crap its xmas time isn't it, doesn't feel like it in my house atm) my soon to be xdh is out at his xmas party tonight (1 of 2 I should add) whilst i'm here with dd, fking arse wanker sit for walking out on us, phew glad I got that of my chest (sorry for hijacking) that one glass of wine has got me tipsy

TwinklyfLightAttendant · 16/12/2007 06:46

Yes, Janos I see things too - the way she dresses in 'his' way (he always told me what he liked women to wear) and has her hair 'his' way, and when she called him on the phone and used the phrases and tone that I used to try and emanate, talking like him...it seemed a bit sad really.
I was quite pleased about the fact that I had turned up looking scruffy as hell, with a crap haircut that I did myself, not wearing regulation 'his style' clothes and actually not even giving a shit that he wouldn't fancy me any more.
It was most empowering. I think it threw them a bit as well - ('how could he have ever fancied her?!' and 'Ohmygod, what will my new wife think of me having been out with someone who looks like that?!' and 'does she not care if I fancy her any more??!')
Oh the deep joy

Janos · 16/12/2007 07:15

It is empowering FlightAttendant..

A few weeks ago he nervouslt announced that he had asked her to becomehislatestvictim marry him and was worried I might be upset.

My response to that was 'Well, that's lovely - you were always a lot keener on getting married than I was'

Boy that felt GOOD!

TwinklyfLightAttendant · 16/12/2007 07:16

...on so many levels, too!!! Nice one Janos

Janos · 16/12/2007 08:52

Yes, it's not very often we get these opportunities in life, is it?

Original poster

TwoIfBySanta · 16/12/2007 20:57

It is almost worst to hear so many are sharing this experience of having been duped by an utter ar$e!

I do feel sorry for her. I see the same manipulation he used with me being done on her and my usual nature would make me want to do something about it but f**k it, she is not my problem and not my concern.

I will not see my sons be used in this way though. I keep thinking I must be over-reacting, see he still has me trained into believe his guff. But everyone I have told this to has said the same thing, I am not in the wrong.

I had an argument on another forum with a single dad who doesn't get to see his children that often. He was painting all mothers as evil witches whose only purpose is to deny the child their father. I soon put him straight on how much pressure we are under and how that attitude and the attitude of society is not helping us. Also I pointed out that for every great daddy there are useless articles out there who can only think of themselves and not those little ones they helped (ahahahahaha) bring into the world.

As far as I am concerned I was a single mother near enough from birth. Thanks to shift work and avoiding being home as much as possible he had very little input - not that he understands that of course. That is enough to make me argue back, when I think of all those times I was alone with my sons having to deal with everything. They are a credit to me, not him.

Oh here we go again on another rant. I am so sick of having to think of this! Enough!
(Which is why I'd love to meet someone else but I know it won't happen as I have to think of my boys first.)

OP posts:

meanmutha · 16/12/2007 21:44

Agghh!! Santa visiting squabbles!
A similar situation to mine, Tibs. I had to ask xdp (father of my 3) to leave last May. Oh I did make the right choice - am soo much happier now. BUT.
Since August he has been seeing this 'sympathetic' 'professional (childless)woman' who lives next-door to where he is now. I was absolutely fine with this! But then suddenly my daughter starts coming home with tales of ' painted pots with me/ planted seeds/ made christmas decorations' Every fking weekend!! This is someone I have Never met! God knows what awful bullshit the ex has told her about me, but in her shoes I would be asking myself one or two questions! On Saturday he took them to see Santa which was fine, where we've been going Every Year Since DD1 born, a tradition if you will. I can't take them myself cos I can't drive. And it would be really odd without him. Just tonight I found out through DD1 that ' came too and was having to chase DD3 around and holding hands with Daddy all the time!'!! All this might be slightly more bearable if XDP wasn't telling both me and his brother that * means nothing to him and ideally he would get back with ME! GOD! He knows I want to meet this new GF of his since she's got involved with the children, with the idea of being mature and polite. He knows I think he's wrong to get her so involved at this early stage. He took her to the Santa visit mainly to get at me I am convinced! And whats worse is its working!!! But he's a lunatic bastard with a dangerously charming facade. She's welcome to him, just Not my children. Thankyou for listening and uh. Maybe I shoulda started a new thread with this. Jesus I am so angry.

Original poster

TwoIfBySanta · 16/12/2007 22:19

meanmutha, I've never spoken more than one word with the new bit either. That is what bothers me most. If you are going to be spending quality time with my dts then have the decency to say hello.

Then again pig-face is making me out to be this hysterical witch so I wouldn't want to say hello to me either.

Don't start a new thread, welcome to this one and we share the same Santa-woes. I just don't understand why a single, childless woman would want to latch on to some no-hoper who couldn't handle responsibility. This one had better watch out because he'll have her house, she has more to lose and he is the type to make her lose everything. I asked my x to leave but he begged, literally begged to stay - only to walk out on us when he got a better offer (he wouldn't be with her if she didn't own her own house, he left us in rented accommodation and in debt.) Ar$e!

Do you have any Christmas markets/festivals near you? I took mine to Edinburgh today and with two shots of a Helter Skelter Santa was all but forgotten!

I have to ask as well meanmutha, do you also have to make sure your x understands that children's nativities at school are for parents and grandparents and not just any old fancy-bit that happens along? Where am I getting this vicious tongue from, I really am turning into a harpy! Actually meanmutha your x sounds very like mine - they are all cut from the same cloth.

OP posts:

meanmutha · 17/12/2007 09:43

Oh I could cry its such a relief to find people going through the same sht!
Yes it seems like there's no justice in this world, I'm on my own for xmas too and he has this wonderful gf! (she has no idea what he's really like! yet!)
Because he won't introduce us I am thinking of writing her a christmas card with a note inside. What do you think? (woah NO too far?!)Thing is it would be very tempting to turn it into a warning letter. Oh how I wish someone had sent me one of those when I first started seeing him!To be honest I suspect he would just try and twist any truth I told into me being a completewitch! Yes I have been called this too! How I wish I was, a few spells would be v.useful!
Thanks for the idea I will take my 3 to the fair in town this week and enjoy it. Tibs I know what you mean about feeling like a single mother for a long time before you split! Ex was always at work or football! Suddenly he wants to play superdaddy! Yep I think these chaps are cut from same cloth, the thing which gives it away for me is the image of yours smirking when he told you where they'd been. So cruel, so heartless, all about REVENGE. Also I think if I'd let mine back in at any point he would have tried to reverse things by Finishing me/ forcing me to leave. All symptoms of massive fragile egos?

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