Support for essbee 3

[anorak]

Here it is...new and improved just like you essbee!

Hi essbee, just wondered how you are?

Hi Anorak! I'm fine really but still incredibly tired although I can't seem to sleep as well now! Having said that I have spent the weekend just sorting my lounge out but it's finally as tidy as it's ever going to get! We have also put the tree up and I feel a bit Christmassy! I'm so determined it's going to be a good one.. (she says... it has to be!

A bummer it's back to work again tomorrow... how's you?

I'm fine, off Christmas shopping for the day with dh.

You know that when you are ill you are supposed to rest, don't you?

Hope your shopping went well!!

I know I'm supposed to rest but nothing will get done without me doing it. I'm getting a bit worried about the fact I still haven't done my year end accounts for last year. I had done but they got lost when my pc died.... There's also a potential big problem at school and I'm going to look at some others this week - somehow.

Sorry to hear of your school worries with ds. Do try to take it easy and hope you fully recover soon.

Thanks Lisz

Had a cr@p few days, far too much going on and ds had a major flip out this am before school in front of another parent (luckily a friend of mine) but still very embarrassing. Hey ho...

Off to look at one of the poss schools now then on to work. xx

Saw EWO today, she was very nice but very official and basically said (wrt to being late) that I could be prosecuted if it continued long term!!!! We're generally talking up to 15 mins max btw.

I also saw my ds's new teacher tonight (his went on mat leave a few weeks ago) who was actually really approachable and totally on my level iykwim. Basically I filled her in on the whole of ds's history inc my ex.. Also everything about camhs, social services, trying to find support, depression - you name it!!! It's odd how it just all came out!! She was so nice though and basically said she thought I was fantastic which I was a bit taken aback by, she said far too many parents ignore all of these problems and don't try and tackle it and hope it'll go away. She also said it was so good that i'd been so honest with everything that might help.

Anyway I feel quite positive now that I have her support which means a lot!!

Really good news that you could tell ds' teacher everything and she's supporting you about it, and she's right - you are fantastic, you're doing so well with ds and dd, its just not showing that much yet, but it will eventually.

Has this made you rethink moving ds or are you still considering it?

Hope you felt all the better about being open. It sounds like this teacher is really nice. You are working so hard at everything - don't you forget it.

Good news about the teacher, essbee, not so good about the EWO - was she really only interested in him being late? That's not very constructive or helpful.

DD2 will be home later today, I will try to go through the MLPs with her.

I know I've not been in touch essbee, but am thinking of you - glad you were able to confide in ds' teacher, that's a really positive step X

hi essbee, feels like ages since I last chatted to you! am very tbh at the EWO. did she literally just stick to reading you the riot act about minor latenes or could she offer any other support/info???? glad that you are happy with DS new teacher.

Well I'm supposed to be in bed but I can't switch my mind off - I will go soon though.

Wobbly - I told the teacher I was considering moving and I still am tbh but obvs I'd rather not if it can be helped.

JanH/spacey/stevensmum - Yes, that's all she was really interested in. I explained the year we'd had but as much as sh was vaguely sympathetic and offered general support that's all she was there to solve, sadly.

My mind feels like it's going to explode with all my thoughts going round it. I have particularly thinking bacl to my time with my ex, wtf did I see in him?? I was thinking back to the times where I'd had to leave him in places as he'd passed out and usually when he woke he came back and was mad at me... so I sometimes hid in the large cupboard we had.... I actually feel angry with myself for accepting and ignoring it for so long. I've decided I really do not need him at all, such a waste of space.

I've also decide that I really do need some kind of councelling or something to be able to fully move on and stop just trying to hide how I feel deep down, it only just keeps coming back to slap me. Any ideas of the best kind of person to see? I'm aware the nhs list is perhaps too long so I'm going to try and go privately if I can. I need to move on and stop being dragged down.

I do feel I have made a little progress with ds though, I hsve spent hours and hours talking to him in the last week and I think I might be getting somewhere - who knows...

essbee, I think counselling is a great idea. I would go to your GP and ask - when I asked mine she gave me numbers of private and charitable organisations that offer counselling services. You've been through so much, I am sure it would help you to put some of it behind you X

re:counselling - agree with spacey that it sounds like a good idea, and don't necessarily write off NHS. no point paying for something you could get for free! If you don't feel GP would be any help, what about Relate? As you do have issues arising from your relationship with your ex. In terms of types of counselling - my experience of inner child counselling was pretty disastrous - but found CBT very useful - all about looking critically about why you have negative thoughts about yourself/and stopping you repeating negative thinking patterns but trying to break the cycle.

far better to be thinking - why did I put up with that - it's a good stage to realise that you deserved far better treatment than your ex gave you. the whole controlling man syndrome screws your mind up so you believe black is white coz they tell you that, and they alienate you from outside friends that could give you a reality check on how you should be able to behave/be treated.

Thanks you 2, I agree it I can get it for free then great, but I can't wait 3-6m, whatever it is. I will go back to the gp over the hols and ask.

I know now I deserved better, I really am starting to stand up more to how I really feel. Perhaps I owe him one for forcing me to try and change the way I've always lived. I am sooo grateful to all the help I recieved for getting out and seeing my relationship as it was.

I do feel quite low atm but I'm sure it's just temporary, I'm not suicidal just quite tearful and lethargic. Anyway, off to bed/book I go... xx

Honestly, this is a really positive thing that you are reaching the point of standing up for how you feel. And yes, you could look at it that his behaviour ended up forcing you to discover that about yourself ... very positive thinking, that!

There's a Jamelia song called Thank You (I think) which has that theme

XXX sleep well

and here it is ...

The fights, those nights
I tried to pretend it don't hurt
The way, I prayed
Someday that you would love me
Really, completely
Just how I wanted it to be
But no, so wrong
Can't believe I stayed with you so long

You hit, you spit, you split, ever-y bit of me, yeah
You stole, you broke, you're cold
You're such a joke to me, yeah

For every last bruise you gave me
For every time I sat in tears
For the million ways you hurt me
I just wanna tell you this
You broke my world, made me strong
Thank you
Messed up my dreams, made me strong
Thank you

My head, near dead
Just the way you wanted it
My soul, stone cold
Cos I was under you're control
So young, so dumb
Knew just how to make me succumb
But I un-derstand
To make yourself feel like a man

You hit, you spit, you split, ever-y bit of me, yeah
You stole, you broke, you're cold
You're such a joke to me, yeah

For every last bruise you gave me
For every time I sat in tears
For the million ways you hurt me
I just wanna tell you this
You broke my world, made me strong
Thank you
Messed up my dreams, made me strong
Thank you

You coulda had it all babe
It coulda been so right
I woulda given you everything
Morning through night
Yeah, you taught me some lessons
Those are my blessings
That won't happen again
Thank you

\link{http://www.jamelia.com/sampler/\eeeeeeek} very true lyrics (only an online sample btw)

She wrote that song from personal experience - I was reading an interview with her the other day

I'm in floods

It's OK to be in floods, you are healing now X

I've got to buy it, thank YOU xxx

Big hugs, I'm off to bed now too X

Night xx