At breaking point with my 2.5 year old

[Pebbledashery]

Just that.
Every night for the past 2 weeks, my previously amazing sleeper toddler is waking up nightly screaming for cuddles.. Minus two nights.. I've bought her into my bed and she's taken 2 hours to fall asleep and it's just awful.. I cried this morning at a 5am wake up.
I literally cannot cope.. I cannot function on such little sleep...i work full time and I'm a single parent with no help from family etc..
Tonight at 2am she's woken up screaming for cuddles and I've just left her.
She has currently been 20 minutes.. I know once I go in its game over...i just can't cope with another night of no sleep.. I feel utterly horrific. I also know if I go in now it's an unnecessary waste of time just having left her :( after she stops independently she sleeps through the night..
I left her the night before last and she finally fell asleep after 30 minutes of screaming and slept through till 8am.. I had to text the neighbours to apologise as I didn't want them judging me..
I feel so awful letting her cry.. Every part of me wants to just go in and settle her but soon as I go in she wants to sleep in my bed.
I physically cannot cope without any more nights of no sleep...its driving me mad... I literally want to throw myself out the windows when I feel like this...
I've tried giving her a snacks before milk, more milk before bed, I'm not yet ready to take the side of her cot down yet whilst she's like this.
What else can I do.
Please help me... 😢😢😢 I'm so desperate.

OP could you try putting a chair in her bedroom and sitting on that? She can see you but don't talk or engage with her at all. Let her be comforted by your presence and she may go back off (this is when she's awake, not when she's having a night terror). After a few nights, move the chair towards the door. Then a few more nights and move it further until it's in the hall, but so she can see your legs. Eventually you're not in her room any more.

Alternatively you could try a sleep consultant (who taught me the above). It was the best money I ever spent. Best of luck to you

Occasionally in the night my 2 year old will cry out for us have a whinge and then play a lullaby and eventually drift back off.
Does your daughter have anything in her cot she can use to help self soothe?

Does she go from sleeping peacefully to screaming straight away or can you hear her stirring/mumbling leading up to it? If there’s a lead up to full on screaming, can you get to her quick enough that you can hold her hand or put your hand on her body in an attempt to soothe her before it fully takes hold. If she’s still asleep then theoretically you can settle her out of it and then go back to bed?

How is her speech? Is she able to articulate and express herself well? There’s a lovely book called something like the Colour Monsters that gives feelings different colours to try and help DC talk about them. I’ll try and find a link and post it.

What about completely changing her routine for a short while? If possible something like making a bed or a camp downstairs and having a ‘sleepover’ in the living room together for a few nights. Added bonus being you have to go to bed at the same time as her. Maybe the change would have an impact.

I don’t know if any of that is useful, I just feel sick remembering how awful I felt when DS wasn’t sleeping and I wasn’t even working at the same time.

Tonight it's been stirring type screaming out.. Now she's having a full blown screaming fit. I put her down at 7 pm she looked absolutely knackered.. Then at 7 30pm she starts screaming again :( she's stopped after a few minutes.. I went up at 8pm In the hope I could get some sleep early too but she's just been on off screaming. I am going to admit defeat and bring her in with me again. I think this is the 5th or 6th night in a row where I've had less than 2 hours sleep. I just want to cry.

She's got teddies, two tops and a blanket in her cot.. I spray them with a bit of my perfume to comfort her whilst sleeping..
Her speech is very good. She's developing well also. Like I say if I go in its just game over. She doesn't want to be picked up and soothed.. She won't go back in her cot after I go in she will tense her body up and refuse to go back in if I walk away she will go to jump out.
I'm just literally at breaking point. It's like torture.

Hi OP, hope you're OK. Ive skim read the thread but just wanted to say as mum of a DD who is almost 7 and still doesn't sleep all night - I totally feel your pain.
We don't appreciate how precious sleep is before children but I agree it's honestly like torture sometimes.
From the little I've read I would say stand firm and don't let her in your bed... If I hadn't experienced first hand how bloody awful sleep deprivation is.
Do you think a blow up bed in her room would help? So you could sleep on that then escape if u can?
Or maybe 2 singles in her room for now?
Its so hard to keep going but hang in there, not helpful I know but just wanted to say I get it and send u a hug xx

Sleep deprivation is absolutely awful. I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. Do you think that your DD would respond well to a conversation about this during waking hours? I know she's only 2.5 but it could be worth asking her why she's screaming? Maybe a gentle explanation that both you and she are tired because of all three disturbance? A conversation at a calm time could make all the difference.

Have you tried setting yourself up a bed next to the cot?
I do this with younger DD, she holds my hand through the cot and at least we both sleep.
We used to cosleep but she stopped at 9 months. I don’t do it every night, just during regressions.
I don’t care if it’s advised or not but it works for us.

Sleeping next to her but in a separate zone and holding her hand does seem a good plan.

Maybe this will be enough for her to settle down to her previous pattern. If not, might a weighted blanket for children be an answer? They are supposed to have a very calming effect. (There might be some mm threads about them.)

Meanwhile, it does seem a good idea to take a day of to catch up with some sleep.

Has anything upset her recently?

Could you ask for a change to the court order? Have you not enough to deal with already?

Yesterday there were 2 night waking which were awful but spaced apart so I managed to get 4 hours which I thought was good.. I had a chat to my daughters health visitor.. She said if the night wakings are roughly around the same time every night.. Which they are, then to set my alarm for 30 minutes before hand and go in and rouse her from her deep sleep state by rubbing her back.. I did that the other night and it woke her up 😭😭. But will persevere. Health visitor also did a referral to children's services and I spoke to a social worker, I had a bit of a breakdown and said Im running on empty and I can do life, but I just can't do life without any sleep.. Floodgates opened.
DD has recently started seeing her father through contact, she's been very unsettled afterwards in terms of sleep.. She's also acted out towards me but I know it may just be typical development stuff as well as what she's witnessed etc. I really don't know..
I feel like I'm going to combust most days through exhaustion and dealing with everything... The latest abusive thing he's done is forcing me to go to contact centre on mother's day despite me asking from January onwards if we could rearrange for an alternative date.. It's just all too much sometimes.. I can't crack under the pressure though as DD needs me and only has me.. But doing it all without sleep is absolutely wrecking me.

I did buy a weighted blanket but it's so heavy.. I panicked about if DD got if over her head and wasn't able to get it off and I was sleeping.. It's currently back in its packet waiting to be returned :(

May not be an issue for your Dd but just in case she has sensitivity to perfumes and fragrances impacting her behaviour, can you try stopping wearing your perfume and change her cot linen

www.ewg.org/research/not-so-sexy

www.fedup.com.au/factsheets/support-factsheets/fumes-and-perfumes

It’s really difficult without sleep. My 3.5 year old wakes up inconsolable in the night sometimes and cries for hours despite me comforting him. I do stick the iPad in front of him which does stop the crying quicker.
I haven’t got a weighted blanket but he does sleep under an old eider down that’s heavy and he prefers it to a light weight duvet. Do you have an old wool blanket or similar that you could try?

She uses a little cellular blanket at the moment. I've started putting socks on her for bed too.. One of my neighbours is a nanny and said it apparently helps.. I think a heavier blanket might help.. The weighted blanket I bought was just so heavy.
Yes I must admit this morning was a 5am wake up call.. I bought her into my bed and put peppa pig on. She fell back to sleep after 20 minutes and we managed to sleep till 7.30am. The thought of starting the day at 5am 😭😭

Good luck tonight hope it goes a little better for you

Oh OP this all sounds so very hard. Funnily enough I have a 2.5yr old who has also been up loads the last 2weeks when usually a great sleeper. This last week she’s had a cold but I suspect it’s related to nap transition in her case. Does yours have her back teeth in? That caused lots of disturbance for us a couple months ago but it passed. I just try to stay consistent as much as possible. We have a rocking chair in her room so we go in to her and cuddle her for a while before putting her down. Have you given calpol at all? I’d be tempted to do that once anyway to check it’s not about some kind of pain. Sympathy, you just feel inhuman when it’s like this

Reigniting this thread. It's happening all over again. I literally can't cope with the sleep deprivation this time.. I just want to stick pins in my eyes. Got so cross last night when I bought her into my bed and she kept pinching me and hitting me. 😭😭😭😭

No advice really, just wanted to say I really feel for you and i really hope you get it sorted soon. I'm up with a baby but also have a 2 year old and know how difficult it is if she wakes in the night. If she comes into our bed she is a nightmare and no one, her included, gets any sleep. Remember you can have visitors in your home if you need MH support - if you need someone to come so you can nap or there's someone who could come to help at night then do it.

Oh OP we went through similar, I empathise as I found it hell too. I know it wasn't delivered overly sensitively by a PP, but have you considered moving her from her cot? It was a pain to 'toddler proof' his room, but the difference was amazing. The first few nights he was up and down as to be expected really when he had freedom to leave the bed, but his sleep has been so much better. If he wakes early he will often entertain himself and then when bored let me know by grumbling, and in the night I perch in his bed which isn't ideal but it keeps my bed as my space.

I just don't want to get her used to sleeping in my bed.. I bring her in but it's just horrific I hate it and I get so cross then I feel bad. I start a new job in a couple of months that's 5 days a week in a hospital and I literally don't think I'll be able to function if I get this little amount of sleep. Not made the transition to a cotbed yet. She screams all night in the early hours then she wakes at 5am. I just want to throw myself out the window.

I'd be tempted to try the cotbed OP, can always put the sides back on if neccessary. I feel the same about my bed, it's the only space in the house that's mine, and I don't care if it makes me sound selfish that I don't want DS In there. If he's poorly etc though I get into his bed with him.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Just a little more patience and this will too pass. It's just a phase because they're scared and are growing up. Empathise with her and treat her how you'd like to be treated. Can you go to bed earlier with her so that you're not on less sleep when she keeps you awake? I'd seriously think about buying her a princess kiddy bed and keeping it next to yours until this phase passes. Not sure what else to say because I honestly feel for you. Yet I know she'll grow out of this behaviour too.

Hi, just wanted to let you know I'm here too and up for similar reasons. It's utterly, utterly shit. You're not alone.

I think once she feels safe in your bed she'll feel confident in her own bed so it will just be a temporary thing..

She has a cot bed I just need to take the side down. Will try it over the weekend I guess I will give anything a go.. I'm also going to bed at 7pm tomorrow 😭