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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

At breaking point with my 2.5 year old

85 replies

Pebbledashery · 07/03/2021 02:39

Just that.
Every night for the past 2 weeks, my previously amazing sleeper toddler is waking up nightly screaming for cuddles.. Minus two nights.. I've bought her into my bed and she's taken 2 hours to fall asleep and it's just awful.. I cried this morning at a 5am wake up.
I literally cannot cope.. I cannot function on such little sleep...i work full time and I'm a single parent with no help from family etc..
Tonight at 2am she's woken up screaming for cuddles and I've just left her.
She has currently been 20 minutes.. I know once I go in its game over...i just can't cope with another night of no sleep.. I feel utterly horrific. I also know if I go in now it's an unnecessary waste of time just having left her :( after she stops independently she sleeps through the night..
I left her the night before last and she finally fell asleep after 30 minutes of screaming and slept through till 8am.. I had to text the neighbours to apologise as I didn't want them judging me..
I feel so awful letting her cry.. Every part of me wants to just go in and settle her but soon as I go in she wants to sleep in my bed.
I physically cannot cope without any more nights of no sleep...its driving me mad... I literally want to throw myself out the windows when I feel like this...
I've tried giving her a snacks before milk, more milk before bed, I'm not yet ready to take the side of her cot down yet whilst she's like this.
What else can I do.
Please help me... 😢😢😢 I'm so desperate.

OP posts:

midsummabreak · 07/03/2021 11:54

Is there anyone who can help you out and mind your Dd for a few hours while you have a sleep over the next few weeks? Sleep deprivation can send anxiety levels up and lead to debilitating post natal depression.
Do reach out to your GP if you feel your ability to cope and mental health is at risk. You can book a phone consultation to discuss that your Dd has been waking through the night leading to you becoming very sleep deprived and really struggling. This is so common among parents and you should not struggle along, it is so hard.

midsummabreak · 07/03/2021 11:55

*struggle alone

BlackeyedSusan · 08/03/2021 13:49

I found that having them in with me from the start resulted in more sleep all round. Better to sleep with a slightly wriggly toddler next to me than a terrified toddler lying on top clinging on in fear.

(Just as an aside, the child who didn't sleep well for two years has given no further sleep trouble, the baby who slept reasonably well has kept me awake for many more years)

Original poster

Pebbledashery · 08/03/2021 22:27

I think she's been having night terrors. On the baby camera she's still asleep whilst she's screaming out :( do night terrors start around this age? NHS website says 3 onwards.. But could it start earlier?

OP posts:

SecondBabyGirl · 08/03/2021 22:48

I thought my DD was having night terrors but most sources say that they tend to happen from the early part of the night onwards, whereas my DD (and yours, it sounds like) is mainly waking between 2-5am. So I'm not sure that is what it is. It could be bad dreams more generally though?

Original poster

Pebbledashery · 08/03/2021 22:52

Tonight she woke up at 7.45pm and then again at 10pm.. She's sound asleep now.. But I'm wondering if it's night terrors as on the monitor she had her eyes closed and drifted in and out of crying out.. I didn't go in tonight. Last night she managed 7 to 7 but the night before was horrific 😭😭

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Pantsomime · 08/03/2021 22:57

A hot water bottle wrapped in a top you need to wash, if she won’t settle when she wakes? Could you calm her in her bed, then put the bottle inside a top that smells of you for her to cuddle

Original poster

Pebbledashery · 08/03/2021 23:12

I actually was going to put my jumper in her cot today but I got scared incase she covered her face with it.
I might try that tomorrow, or spritz a bit of my perfume on her blanket.
Really took the 7 to 7 sleep for granted 😭😭

OP posts:

Original poster

Pebbledashery · 10/03/2021 02:08

Cracking up. Little one still is waking up.
I feel like I'm going mad :(

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MadamMaltesers · 10/03/2021 02:43

honestly i feel for you. I use to lay my child in my bed and pretend to be sleeping. ONce in a deep sleep just put them back into their cot or bed. Sleep deprivation is no laughing matter though.

Original poster

Pebbledashery · 10/03/2021 02:51

I can't do that as she just touches my face and pinches me. Tonight I tried a different routine.. Kept it absolutely calm, no screen time at all.. Usually she watches an episode of peppa when in from nursery. Read some books.. I hid the over stimulating ones.. Kept it all really calm. She managed a stretch of 7.30pm to 2am, then woke up and screams out for cuddles.. I checked on the monitor and her eyes are closed the entire time and she's just thrashing around..
It's just the deprivation in general.. If I bring her into my bed I won't sleep. If I leave her. It takes me a good hour to fall back to sleep after she's gone back to sleep I'm making mistakes at work through sheer exhaustion.. I'm at my wits end 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I left her yesterday and just had to apologise to the neighbours as I just didn't want them to judge me.. They've been really lovely and said they understand etc but just feel all doing horrific.

OP posts:

Original poster

Pebbledashery · 10/03/2021 02:52

I've tried ninja moving her back to her cot too.. She wakes up immediately and tenses her whole body and refuses to go back in and stands up and tries to jump out if I walk away.
I really don't know what else to do.. Leaving her equals sleep deprivation. Bringing her in equals sleep deprivation..
It's night terrors.. I'm sure it is.

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BirdyBee · 10/03/2021 03:13

I ended up setting up in my 2 year old dd room out of sheer desperation, its exhausting and relentless, as soon as shes asleep I sneak out, I have asked my HV for some help and she has been brilliant, is there any chance you could speak to HV or gp? Sleep deprivation is awful, especially when there is no other parent to share the load.

User334567 · 10/03/2021 17:24

You need sleep ASAP or your going to lose it- can you call in sick ? There must be someone that can take her ? Where does she go when you work -nursery? If so Definitely pull a sickie and go to bed all day. Also could she be ill? I know she’s not a baby but mine used to wake like that with an ear infection when they were almost 1. Does she have her second molars yet?

AlohaMolly · 10/03/2021 17:33

Sleep deprivation is awful and I tried all sorts with my little boy. He was much younger than yours at the time but it was also totally out of character - his ended up being because of a gluten intolerance though.

Could you try a weighted blanket? The security is supposed to be soothing for them so maybe if she’s having nightmares, it could help?

This might sound harsh, but how long have you and her dad been separated and how long has your daughter had to have contact? Can you think of any changes that might have triggered it? As in maybe there’s been a life change and she’s processing it at night and it’s manifesting as nightmares?

Barksmum12 · 10/03/2021 17:50

Does she have a nightlight?

Original poster

Pebbledashery · 10/03/2021 20:02

It's definitely night terrors. It's been happening for 2 weeks nearly now. I was utterly destroyed today. She has a night light. I play soft lullabies during the night too on the Alexa in her room. I've been reading up on night terrors and it says the best thing to do is leave them as going in interrupts their brain transitioning from the night terror to actual sleep and its a vicious cycle, but it takes about 40-50 minutes and it's horrific and I can't listen to her crying like that every night for 40 minutes. It breaks my heart 😭😭😭😭. But equally I am so sleep deprived I just don't know what else to do 😭😭😭😭😭😭

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Original poster

Pebbledashery · 10/03/2021 20:03

Her dad and I have been seperated nearly 9 months now, she acts out after contact with him but these night terrors have started about 2 weeks ago, it started the day after his last contact session. I can't immediately attribute it to seeing him either but I just have no idea what to do.

OP posts:

bumpdownthestairs · 10/03/2021 20:09

Does she still nap during the day? Might be worth cutting it out and seeing if it gives her a better quality of evening sleep. Sorry if this has been mentioned, I have a 2 year old and can't imagine how hard this is for you. I hope she settles soon.

Disneymum1993 · 10/03/2021 20:12

Feel your pain my youngest is nearly 19 months and is a horrid sleeper he wakes frequently for feeds and screams and thrashes. I co sleep as he point blank refuses to sleep in his own bed. My middle daughter is 5 and is up nearly every night (asd,adhd) and she's on medication but it only gives her an 1-2 . Then my eldest is covered in excema so need to wet wrap her during night anf apply creams etc. I go to work on an hours sleep most days,terrified I end up sleeping while driving to work. Hope it gets better for you soon

Original poster

Pebbledashery · 10/03/2021 20:12

Nope. She doesn't nap at all at nursery. The thing is, and I hope this makes sense.. When she's screaming out it sounds like she's slurring and not saying things properly and sounds like she's half asleep. If I go in.. It completely wakes her up. I spoke to her HV today who said if it is a genuine night terror then the best thing to do is leave her..but I literally feel like the worst mum in the world.

OP posts:

SecondBabyGirl · 10/03/2021 21:15

Sorry if you’ve already answered this somewhere but why can’t you bring her in with you? I know you said you get no sleep but if you are already awake listening to her scream for nearly an hour then it can’t be that much worse. Have you got a double bed? Is there anyway you could bring her on with you to calm her down and then once she’s asleep make some sort of barrier between you with pillows etc so that she doesn’t kick you in the night? Or you could even set up a floor bed for her and roll away once she’s back to sleep?
Sorry if you’ve thought of this but I don’t know how you can be sure that it’s night terrors and if it’s not then she is awake screaming for nearly an hour and you’re not going into her. I’m honestly not saying that to make you feel bad but it must be very upsetting and scary for her if she is actually crying for you and no one is coming. Plus I know you said you find it really hard listening to her screams, and like you said you can’t let her do it forever because the poor neighbours won’t be getting any sleep either.

Sorry I really hope this post doesn’t come across badly I’m not trying to be critical at all xx

Original poster

Pebbledashery · 10/03/2021 21:32

No that's OK. I understand. She's still asleep when she's crying.. I have a monitor in her room and her eyes are closed and she's on her front in her normal sleep position.. Last night however she stood up and was completely awake so I bought her into my bed.. But when she comes into my bed awake she touches my face, pinches me, tries talking to me.. It takes her nearly 2 hours to settle by which point I'm in tears because I'm exhausted and have work in the morning. When I go in to try and soothe her and attempt to put her back into her cot.. She screams and tenses her entire body and refuses to go back in.. I've tried to put her back in after she's fallen asleep in my bed but she immediately wakes up.. I could try the mattress on her floor maybe, but again, she won't want to stay in her cot so may as well just sleep in my bed. I literally cannot function on the such little amount of sleep I'm getting. I don't have any friends or family to help, she's at nursery whilst I work. I work full time.. The type of job I'm in, it's an industry thats extremely busy at the moment so I'm flat out.
I've bought a weighted blanket, going to see if that helps at all. I just am so desperate.

OP posts:

Peachee · 10/03/2021 21:33

I know this is controversial but could you go back to basics and give her a bottle of milk when she wakes up? Then maybe it will settle her for longer and you will get some sleep.. I think if I was at this point I would do anything to get sleep.. sleep on a mattress next to her.. bring cot in your room anything so you get rest!!..,

Original poster

Pebbledashery · 10/03/2021 21:35

I could try milk i guess. She has two slices of toast at 6pm and a 9oz bottle at 6.30pm just before bed. Its another idea though.

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