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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

At breaking point with my 2.5 year old

85 replies

Pebbledashery · 07/03/2021 02:39

Just that.
Every night for the past 2 weeks, my previously amazing sleeper toddler is waking up nightly screaming for cuddles.. Minus two nights.. I've bought her into my bed and she's taken 2 hours to fall asleep and it's just awful.. I cried this morning at a 5am wake up.
I literally cannot cope.. I cannot function on such little sleep...i work full time and I'm a single parent with no help from family etc..
Tonight at 2am she's woken up screaming for cuddles and I've just left her.
She has currently been 20 minutes.. I know once I go in its game over...i just can't cope with another night of no sleep.. I feel utterly horrific. I also know if I go in now it's an unnecessary waste of time just having left her :( after she stops independently she sleeps through the night..
I left her the night before last and she finally fell asleep after 30 minutes of screaming and slept through till 8am.. I had to text the neighbours to apologise as I didn't want them judging me..
I feel so awful letting her cry.. Every part of me wants to just go in and settle her but soon as I go in she wants to sleep in my bed.
I physically cannot cope without any more nights of no sleep...its driving me mad... I literally want to throw myself out the windows when I feel like this...
I've tried giving her a snacks before milk, more milk before bed, I'm not yet ready to take the side of her cot down yet whilst she's like this.
What else can I do.
Please help me... 😢😢😢 I'm so desperate.

OP posts:

ChakaDakotaRegina · 07/03/2021 02:56

I’m sorry- I have a similar age and it doesn’t take much to knock the whole week off. Im getting screamed at and told no a lot (lot lot lot) I have lost it and cried more than a few times.

I’ve been told they’re looking for boundaries. I’m so tempted to just set an iPad in front of him!

Could you take a day off work and get a break?

I don’t have any advice but hopefully someone will be along with some soon

MasterBruceBalloon · 07/03/2021 02:56

So if you bring her in to bed with you, what happens? Will she not cuddle to sleep?

Original poster

Pebbledashery · 07/03/2021 03:14

She comes into my bed and cuddles but she wants to lie horizontally and give me 2 centimetres of bed. I sleep on my right side and it's the only way I can fall asleep.. When I turn over she just cries and cries.. Then I turn around and cuddle her but she just wants to touch my face or pinch my arm.. I nearly lost it the other night at 3am the sleep deprivation ha actually killing me.. I work Monday to Friday.. Then Saturdays are just always busy and currently Sundays I'm court ordered to do a 4 hour round trip to take her to a contact centre to see her abusive father. I literally can't cope anymore.. I understand she's distressed and needs reassurance probably but as soon as I go in.. That's it 😢

OP posts:

midsummabreak · 07/03/2021 03:25

Whatever gets you both through the night.
If you don’t want her in your bed it’s ok, but you do need to check on and quietly reassure her.

If you can’t cope with her crying when you go to leave her room could you Take her blanket from her bed to your and put that on her, then your doona over that ? Tell her she can only go in bed with you if she lies quietly alongside you under her blanket on her side of the bed and you must both go straight back to sleep as you are very very tired and it’s time for sweet dreams now.

SquarePeggyLeggy · 07/03/2021 03:25

I’m sorry. My almost 2 year old is a dreadful sleeper. I really feel the pain in your post.
I know what that feeling is, I get scared of bedtime, dreading the night. What I will say is, after several horrendous nights in a row, when I think I can’t take it anymore, like really, truly can’t, she’ll have a better night and it will improve for some time after that. For us it’s always related to some major milestone or event, she did four nights last week where she didn’t sleep at all until almost 2am and then was up at 5:30. However, she can suddenly talk this week and is sleeping better. Empathetic hugs, I hope for you it will end soon. Can you have a sick day and nap with her?

Original poster

Pebbledashery · 07/03/2021 03:35

The thing is when I do go in to her.. She screams "lie down" as in my bed and will utterly refuse to go back into her cot.. She tenses her body and then stands up.. I go to walk out and she tries to climb out. The other night I sat outside her room the entire time.. Just desperately wanting to go in but knew if I did that'll be it. It's affecting my work.. I'm making mistakes through sheer exhaustion.. I nearly fall asleep in a team meeting the other day.
I literally just want to cry and cry..
She's such a brilliant sleeper otherwise 😭😭.. This is like torture.

OP posts:

midsummabreak · 07/03/2021 03:43

I’ve been there with my kids when younger and also feel your pain. Agree with @SquarePeggyLeggy it was often associated with their frustration and anxiety carried over from their busy daytime struggles such as learning a new activity or conquering milestones.

if you are not already doing so, can you go to sleep at the same time as her at night? Can you nap during the day on weekends when she sleeps ?

midsummabreak · 07/03/2021 03:46

It’s so hard when they are unsettled , and sleep deprivation is horrible.

YukoandHiro · 07/03/2021 03:53

I feel your pain, it's awful. Mine was over 3 before she started sleeping though.

First, don't go to the contact centre tomorrow. Call and say you're not safe to drive due to lack of sleep.

Is there anyone you bubble with? Can they take her out tomorrow for a couple of hours so you can nap?

When they wake early, tbh I'd say bring into your bed, CBeebies on your phone and go back to sleep... you need to do whatever you can to cope

I understand why you're trying cry it out, but it never worked for my child - the longer I left her the harder it was to get her back off to sleep. For a while I set up a camp on the floor next to her cot so I could lie down holding her hand and then once she wws asleep I'd go back to my own bed.

Everything is a phase. It will end eventually

GrumpyHoonMain · 07/03/2021 03:58

If she’s falling asleep after 30mins of crying then she is able to settle herself. Just keep it up. Maybe get a night light teddy or some white noise to see if it helps but if the current situation works for you both then absolutely keep it going.

Lullaby88 · 07/03/2021 04:14

Whats her bedtime routine like? Does she go to bed happily? If I was that exhausted I think i'd just co sleep until shes a bit older. Sounds like taking steps back but itd drive me mad if i was up every night like that! Id feel bad leaving her to cry. Dont let ur child cry alone for more than 10 minutes.30 minutes is a long time.

CrappyGarage · 07/03/2021 04:34

Sorry I have no advice but just a handhold as I’m in the same boat with my DD who is 2. She used to sleep through and has now started waking up every hour or so from about 2am it’s killing me. She wakes up and literally starts throwing a tantrum immediately. If I leave her then she gets so worked up that she takes 2-3 hours to go back to sleep. If I try to bring her into my bed then she does the same as your DD, wants to touch me constantly and often she doesn’t even actually go back to sleep. The only way to get her to sleep is to hold her like a baby. It’s ridiculous, I can barely do it anymore because she’s too tall/long and also I’m 7 months pregnant but if I don’t then she is awake for hours. She goes back to sleep and I put her back in the cot but then she wakes up again within an hour.

SionnachGlic · 07/03/2021 04:52

OP,

Take a day off work, drop DD to childcare & go straight home, set your alarm for pick-up time, get into bed & go to sleep. Not ideal to use up your holiday time I know...but when you are exhausted you just nned to replenish & get some sleep. Can you try a sleep.story app or sounds that will soothe her, anything to stop the screaming & speed up the return to calm or, at here level explain that her favourite teddy is getting upset at too much noise at night. I know how exhausting it is & I've previously taken a day off to sleep or just let the hpuse go to hell & be in bed at same time as toddler 7/8pm & at least get max sleep I can get before the crying starts.

TheGracefulwhale · 07/03/2021 04:59

It baffles me that people are surprised when a 2 year old wakes up during the night and is still in a cot.
Of course they're waking up. Imagine having the ability to walk, crawl, jump, run wherever you like during the day then come night time being placed in a small space with barriers everywhere you look.
Take the bloody side off the cot. The change will be enough to reset her. She then has a big girl bed like mummy's. She won't hit the sides when rolling over which she's probably doing now.
When my ds was waking at 4am and not going back, we took the side off and almost immediately was sleeping until 6 again.

absolutehush · 07/03/2021 04:59

I'm listening to my 2 year old cry and scream right now. Last night she was up between 2-5-'. I have no advice, just sending sympathy.

CrappyGarage · 07/03/2021 05:15

@TheGracefulwhale I’m not sure why you’re so confident that moving to a bed would solve the problem - might have worked for yours but certainly wouldn’t for mine. She loves her cot and asks to play in it during the day. She doesn’t hit the sides as she has bumpers. Oh and finally it’s not safe to put her in a bed as she has gross motor delays caused by low muscle tone so she can’t get in and out of a bed safely. But I’m sure OP is grateful for your very helpful advice.

dinochum · 07/03/2021 05:40

@CrappyGarage you're aware of the well documented risks of cot bumpers?

NewtoHolland · 07/03/2021 05:50

Sending hugs. You must be exhausted! Is there any way you can get a break? Do you have a support bubble? Exhaustion/burn out is a reasoj to take sick leave if you need it.
My eldest was a really poor sleeper and I feel your pain xx it is so hard. One thing that really helped us was audio books. It distracted her enough not to need me all of the time. My youngest likes music when she sleeps. This will pass xx hold on.

Littlehouseinthebigcity · 07/03/2021 06:23

How did it go in the end OP? I read somewhere that it takes 5 nights to break a bad sleep habit for a toddler. Our 18month old was still feeding in the night but after a bad teething time she was waking up to be fed at 1,2 and 3 and it wasn't sustainable. She's in our room (in a cot) so it's a little different, and ai sang a lot of twinkle twinkle! But I didn't get her out when she cried. The length of time gradually reduced and by the 5th night she slept through. This was a few weeks ago and there have been two nights since that she hasn't slept through!

YukoandHiro · 07/03/2021 07:21

Actually agree with @SionnachGlic - I had to do that once when DD was in nursery (she was about 20 months) and going through a stage of waking 2-3 times and night and me camping out on her bedroom floor then having to be at work for 7.30am. I just had to have a day in bed to catch up a bit.

YukoandHiro · 07/03/2021 07:25

You're charming aren't you, @TheGracefulwhale - obviously a perfect parent.

OverTheRainbow88 · 07/03/2021 07:31

Sending solidarity as well. My 2 year old is the same and has been since birth actually.

Why do you have to do the travelling for the contact centre? Can you try and get that changed so it’s half way or near you?

Excitablemuch · 07/03/2021 07:33

You might want to try a bed instead of a cot,... I only say this because my 2.5 year old moved to a bed in November and he loves it. He also started waking just before Xmas having previously been an excellent sleeper and he won’t get in with us but I can go and lie in his bed with him to settle him and then leave.... he wants a cuddle but will not sleep in our bed - never has done much to my annoyance when the sleep has been really bad!

Original poster

Pebbledashery · 07/03/2021 08:25

Hi everyone. Thank you for your comments
. After 30 minutes she went to bed and slept through till 7am..I couldn't fall back to sleep till 3.45am though so still feeling wrecked :( just feel terrible.. I really do. Continuous nights of no sleep 😢

OP posts:

CrappyGarage · 07/03/2021 09:08

@dinochum they are not ones with strings, but Velcro, and they are breathable and as she is 2+ and old enough for a pillow etc I don’t think there is any suffocation risk as if she put her face against them and couldn’t breathe then she would just move in the same way we would (unlike a newborn who can’t etc) x

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