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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

right i need support and an action plan please

41 replies

muma3 · 24/09/2007 10:24

it is over i have to deal with it. i cant go on thinking he will come running . he isnt going to . i will have to keep saying this every day.

i need a plan to get me through this shit shit shit shit time.

i have an appointment on friday for new claim for IS and lone parent interview.

i want to get into work one day and have a decent rest of lonely life. wouldnt mind driving but its money all the time. i need you guys to push me into a plan of hat to do with the rest of my days. i cant see a future. i NEVER want another man ever so that isnt an option . i just dont know what to do with myself now.

help??

OP posts:
almostmidnight · 25/09/2007 20:26

Muma3 your girls are beautiful, you must be so proud. If you are still only 25 then just think of the wonderful life you have lying ahead of you. I am 36 so a few years on, but don't feel it, and told today I don't look it, but I am still trying to make the most of my life. It is so scary wondering if one day there is going to be another man out there who will love both me and my girls. Big hugs x

muma3 · 26/09/2007 00:03

trust me i have had my fair shre, 3 dads and never ever ever going there agin. i have had my share of misery. i so badly wanted another baby but i can live with my 3 girls. never want anyone else. not because i want him but because i cant got through the , meeting,knowing,trusting again.

me my kids and i .

god its hard. i been blubbering to him again tonight. told him how i feel . he started crying . said that i hope he is happy with his new life and i hope it is all worth it for all the pain he has caused.

he coming friday to see kids. i still got this dreaded appointment at job center. decided not to go for IS better off with out.

OP posts:
Tinkerbel5 · 26/09/2007 10:28

muma3 it does get better but I think it will do you good to have a good year at least being single and just spending time with your girls, your girls probably need you at the moment so doing things just yourselves as a family would be ideal, this guy just seems to be causing you pain and he isnt worth it x

muma3 · 26/09/2007 10:36

cant see any thing to do with my life now. bringing the girls up the best i can is what i have to look forward too . my life was with him . now its just nothing. when i started this thread i think i was a bit more positive, now im not so sure

OP posts:
skyatnight · 26/09/2007 14:18

muma3 - Hi, sorry you are having a rough time.

Of course you miss him right now because it's only just happened and your love for him is/was genuine. If it's not going to work out, it's only natural that you will feel like swearing off men altogether forever - I know that feeling. That's how things are for me too, still. I'm just concentrating on my dd for now, trying to improve myself and work out what I really want. I don't need a man and I don't want one who sees me as disposable, a charity case who he can pick up and then just drop when he feels like it.

But I doubt I'll stay on my own forever. I was watching tv last night about Julie Goodyear who used to be Bet Lynch on Coronation Street. She's finally happy with someone who is about 30 years younger than her and they have been together 11 years already. This was after a really disastrous history of her love life over many years including her first husband who ran off with the best man on their wedding day . I'm not comparing myself or you to her , but it just goes to show that things can change. Some people's best and most fun years come later in life (I keep telling myself! ). Yours might be just around the corner.

It seems bad now but you are only young so there is plenty of time for you to find happiness. I know you have been happy before but new and greater happiness. There is also plenty of time for you to have a fourth child if you want one as well as your lovely girls. The world's your oyster, you've got the best part of your life ahead of you (and a few other cliches that are true). Plenty of time for a career, lots more love and whatever you want.

And you will manage on your own and things will be ok.

muma3 · 26/09/2007 16:40

thanks sky at night, i am going to save this page to keep looking at ...
but right now i dont ever want to put myself through this again. i know i dont need a man i am most certainly going to avoid them like the plague. i dont think i can ever trust someone with my life again.

i cant see that far yet as in a career. 25 but still dont know what i want to do . i wanted to raise a family. thats all i have ever wanted for not having one of my own.

nothing else in the world interests me anymore. cant eat or sleep and telly is turned off when kids go bed. i cant concentrate and i feel so empty. is this normal?? someone said that they think i should go doctors. fgs of course im depressed my life has just ended but im not going to get a few tablets. he still wont be here in the morning.can doctors mend a broken heart? no...

the girls are doing fine. better then i thought but i cant be a good mum at this moment. i cant smile when dd3 uses potty, cant be happy for dd2 talent contest coming up , dont even want to keep taking dd1 to brownies . they talk to me but i cant hear them sometimes. not even they can cheer me up right now.

he has taken last of things today (few bits in attic im sure) keeps telling me about house hunting. discussed a regular visit to kids and money. i dont even want to talk about it. i feel like screaming " i dont want your money i want you !! " but dont

im not sure how im suppose to be feeling right now, when does it gwet easier. i feel like someone or thing has died. im in shock but am excepting it now. just cant pull myself out the other end.

OP posts:
skyatnight · 27/09/2007 10:47

muma3 - It's ok to feel bad right now. What's just happened is very hurtful for you, you will feel you need to protect yourself.

Raising a family is a career, a valid and useful contribution to society. As you have had your girls when you are young, you will have plenty of time for another career when they are older, if you want it. You could perhaps look into working, studying or voluntary work part time when your littlest is a bit older.

You will feel like the bottom has fallen out of your life right now. I can remember driving along the motorway, screaming out loud in my car because I felt so full of unimaginable pain that I was going to burst. It had to come out somehow.

When dd was tiny, I felt so angry and worried that her father had damaged my enjoyment of her early milestones and left her with a mummy who was only half there for her emotionally. I couldn't help feeling depressed but I was angry at him for her sake. I was worried that I wasn't doing a good enough job for her but she is ok, she is fine and things are a lot better now.

You are a good mum. I can tell this because you are thinking of them and you mention Brownies, talent contests, potty training. Your girls sound outgoing and creative. I'm sure the thing they want most is to please you and to have you appreciate their achievements. It is important that you get better asap for your children but don't beat yourself up, it will take time, they will be ok as long as they have you.

If you find that you are really not managing (emotionally and/or practically) and you can't get enough help or support from friends and relatives for whatever reason, don't hesitate to go to the doctor. Sometimes when you are incapacitated due to emotional problems, all the practical problems pile up and problems are compounded and take much longer to sort out. It's important that you don't let things get out of hand and overwhelm you. You don't have to take antidepressants forever but they might be enough to get you through a bad patch in the short term. Or otherwise, try natural remedies like St. John's Wort, Bach Rescue Remedy, Valerian or Kalms tablets for anxiety. Eat properly. If you are tempted to drown your sorrows, try not to drink too much as it can easily become a habit that makes you depressed.

We know that when men make a decision to end a relationship, they generally seem to find it easier to switch their feelings off and move on with their lives. It doesn't mean that he didn't care about you but it does sound as if it is definitely over. Keep telling yourself that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. You've just been unlucky. Don't be grateful for a man who is willing to take on you and your kids. Be extra fussy about who you let into your wonderful family. The key is that you don't really need a man. Life is often a lot easier, and sometimes more fun, without one!

You are grieving. Unfortunately it won't get easier in the short term and it might get worse. Go easy on yourself. Be kind to yourself. Look after yourself and your kids. Just endure for the time being.

You know that there is no easy fix to this but keep posting if it helps.

muma3 · 27/09/2007 12:58

i went to the doctors, i could feel myself slipping and i didnt want to get a point of no return. i think he was considering sectioning me as i told him i have thought of ending it all. he has given me fluoxetine 20mg?? i havent had anything before
(apart from prozac after dd1 was born) are they ok do they work? have i been given string ones? i hate this. everyone keeps forcing me to face the future and i just want to go back. i dont want peoples help i just want things back to how they were when i was happy. (even pretending to be happy for the last year seems better then this)

im so scared what lays ahead. i dont want to go there but it feels like im being pushed down a road i dont want to be taking.

i have to go and see a counsillor next tuesday. i was sat talking to the health visitor for an hour at the dcotors after seeing original one. she is coming to see me next week.she did say no one can make me feel better and i have to ride this out for a while. if i dont want to eat then dont, cant sleep but have been given something for that .

all the time this is happening to me he is working with a friend and been signed off sick . he is enjoying his new found freedom .

OP posts:
skyatnight · 27/09/2007 13:25

Muma3 - I don't know about Fluoxetine but I would post on the 'feeling depressed' thread as well - you will get good advice and support about antidepressants there. You do sound very depressed and the counsellor is right. Noone can help you to feel any better about this right now. It's too new and painful.

Sadly, you can't go back. Maybe he will come back but you'd have to think twice about taking him back after this. Is it what you would really want? Were there areas of your relationship that you feel you could have worked on that would make things better? Do you really believe you are right for each other and it has just gone a bit wrong lately. Is there any chance of him considering trying again?

If not, sadly that's it. You can't go forward yet either. Friends and family (and probably us on here too) will try to help you to do so because they/we just want to help you and for you to not feel so bad but you're right, it doesn't help and it's unrealistic. When I was like this, I found people unsympathetic, my sister said she didn't want to hear about it again or hear his name mentioned because she thought it was negative to keep thrashing over a pointless situation, especially after the 27th time. I understand her point of view but sometimes all you can do is keep going over it in your mind to try and understand and come to terms with it, especially where there are children involved. If you really loved him, you will obsess over him for months, what's he doing, who is he with..... It's not healthy but it can't be helped.

It is good that you have been to the GP and are getting help. You are obviously quite a capable woman and have your head screwed on. But you are devastated.

muma3 · 27/09/2007 14:08

thats the thing, our problems could of been fixed. maybe they boiled down to him not wanting me anymore though thats all i can think. no answers to anything he just doesnt want me . not point trying again or even considering it as he just doesnt want me and it will all be a lie(if it wasnt already for a year) . still will always believe we are right for each other. we met at middle scholl aged 10 and after years of being apart and me having the 2 older girls we met through mutual friends. he made such an effort to get with me . like i said i was happy before him. didnt want to get hurt again, look where i am ..

have a problem with trust and if he came running i wouldnt be able to take him back as i am very protective of myself. my mum left me when i fell preg with dd1 when i was 15. i had years of counsilling to get over the rejection and can cope with that but it left me feeling a bit low about people leaving me . especially when i am in love. dd2 dad did the same. he was 19 and left to go back home. we have been friends since as he was so honest and wasnt ready. ex-p convinced me and himself he was . 5 years later maybe he wasnt . he was too selfish. still is telling me it isnt that though and if he wasnt ready he wouldnt of stayed for 5 years but i think he was too stubborn to admit failing. thats where it went wrong. he didnt want to be here and pushed me away for so long that problems did come about. i knew when i wasnt loved. been there and done that . (self pitying again)

one day i may wake up and feel better but till then i cant help wondering how i can go on

OP posts:
skyatnight · 27/09/2007 14:33

Muma3 - I completely identify with your problems with trusting and fear of abandonment. It's a tough one, you can feel like you are destined to keep repeating the same negative patterns or that the fear is self-fulfilling IYKWIM? It's always really tough too when a guy has tried so hard to win you and made you feel really secure...but it doesn't last. Why do they do that? Don't they feel any responsibility?
£$$%&%(%^£!!!! I hate the expression: 'all's fair in love and war'.

Got to go to the doctors with my dd now. She has ear-ache from the cold wind. I will have a think about what you have written. Maybe someone else has some words of wisdom?

muma3 · 27/09/2007 14:45

this is strange for me to have someone understand

OP posts:
skyatnight · 27/09/2007 19:01

I do understand you because I have been there and so have a lot of women on this board. Some people have had it much worse, sadly. I'm sure you have seen this thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/1400/394846 where thewiltedrose is going through something similar now.

As you say, your mum rejecting you like that has really damaged you and made you vulnerable to further hurt. I think you are really attached to your xp, probably more so than the fathers of your eldest two, because you knew him when you were younger and it must have seemed like fate, because he knew what you had been through and worked hard to gain your trust and to convince you he was committed, because you had a child and were together for quite a long time. And probably because of other reasons too. It's absoluting gutting when you really trusted someone.

It happened to me twice but I am a few years down the line now. I can transport myself back to that time and remember how painful it was. It is morbid but I found it helped at the time to try and out-sad myself by listening to sad songs/music, watching sad films and reading sad books, about bereavement, lost love, betrayal, etc.. Really wallow in it to hasten the acceptance. You know that you will feel better at times and then it will hit you again.

You don't want to think about the future now. But I've really come to the conclusion that you have to learn to enjoy being by yourself, and know that you are strong enough on your own, before you can have a successful relationship. This is doubly true for a single mother. It's easier said than done, though.

skyatnight · 27/09/2007 19:24

I see that you have posted on the depression board and found allgonebellyup. That's good. Keep talking to people. You need support at the moment and you will get it.

muma3 · 28/09/2007 16:16

right to carry this thread on , now on anti d's. have been to the job center today. as i thought there isnt any point getting IS . as i got there early though i went to council office and filled in housing benefit as i was still waiting on another form(previously filled in as waiting for IS) filled it in and gave all documents they needed, well the ones i had on me. just have to get letters of maintainance that i forgot and im still waiting on child tax credit award letter. hand them in and that will be sorted.

when feeling better and can look to the future(if i ever except this) then i may in future make another visit and think about working (not promising anything yet)

ps. just having a good day
pps drug induced im believing lol

OP posts:
skyatnight · 28/09/2007 21:15

That's great. You're doing all the practical stuff, being self-sufficient. I'm glad you had a good day as you sounded very down yesterday. The meds may be helping and I know it's early days and you'll probably have lots more bad days but you're a lot stronger than you think. Thanks for the update.

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