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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Child support - what is an acceptable amount?

31 replies

chickenmama · 23/09/2007 11:13

Hi, my dd's father has never lived with us and now lives abroad. The CSA can't get involved as he's out the country. He's never been much good at giving us money - when he was in the country it was maybe £20 a week/fortnight. I've just worked out what he's sent for the last 5 months and it averages out at £44 a month. This obviously doesn't make much of a difference and I find I'm struggling to make ends meet.

Anyway, my question is... what is a reasonable amount to expect from an absent father? I want to ask him for more, but I'd like a figure to give him on what 'good' fathers pay towards their kids.

Thanks!!

OP posts:

Tinkerbel5 · 23/09/2007 13:57

CSA would say 15% of a salary but seeing as your ex lies abroad its better to have something than nothing, you could ask him for say £30 per week on a regular basis and see what he says to that, if he cared about his childs welfare he wouldnt have a problem with that, are you working or on benefits ?

WideWebWitch · 23/09/2007 14:02

I get £600 per month (voluntarily) from ex dh for one child.

I think it's entirely reasonable, I gave up £000s as I was a sahm for a while.

Original poster

chickenmama · 23/09/2007 14:15

Www - wow! £600 is amazing. I've never known a guy to have given more than £150 a month. I guess I've only heard about the mean ones!

Tinkerbel - £30 a week certainly sounds reasonable and much better than £30 monthly like we're getting now! He has an older son who I know he sends this amount for and it's always bothered me that he treats them differently. I will ask him and see what he says. As for me, I'm on benefits atm, but might be working part time soon. The little we get at the moment is very hard to manage on.

OP posts:

000Laura000 · 23/09/2007 14:26

I have a joint bank account with my ex, into which he pays £350 per month. £280 of this is for childcare so that leaves £70 per month for (half of) all other expenses for a three and a half year old boy. This is £16 a week.

(Obviously I pay the same into the joint account).

This is plenty of money. I never run out.

Laura

Tinkerbel5 · 23/09/2007 14:40

chickenmama there is no reason why he cant pay the same for you son as he does for his other son, if you are on benefits you have to declare the money so you wont be much better off as you only get to keep £10 of it, if you work partime you would be better off as you can keep the whole amount, your ex can easily transfer some money into your account each month after he gets paid.

Paulatwinmum · 23/09/2007 17:22

Wow - £600 is amazing. i get nothing. i have considered going to the CSA but at the moment am enjoying no grief, earache etc and he doesnt see twins at all, he denies they are his.
Paula

prettyfly1 · 23/09/2007 17:37

paula - make him take a dna test. you have every legal right to one and it will shut him up. if you dont want his money after that then cancel the process but dont give him the opportunity to deny the lives of his children. he can look in the mirror and see himself for what he is then. I think a fair amount depends onthe individuals salary and other living expenses. For instance if he earns a hundred grand a year and lives with his mum then you should get fifty only joking - you should get a reasonable percentage of that but if he is sarn fifteen thousand a year and having to pay for his own living expenses as well then a much smaller amount (but still sensible) should be taken into consideration. So my suggestion is that it depends of his circumstances.

allgonebellyup · 23/09/2007 17:43

i get £250 a month for one of my children.

it does depend how much the dad earns.

Paulatwinmum · 24/09/2007 20:17

He asked me to give him consent to a dna test and i did this last August 06 and delivered this by hand to his parents house. he hasn't bothered to do anything about this. i have given him every opportunity to see DD's but he has thrown it back in my face. i have kept every last nasty letter he ever sent me. i have written down every threat he ever threw at me. i have witnesses at the hospital when he verbally attacked me when i had just come out of the high dependency unit after nearly dying.

At the moment i am happy with not doing this but a friend of mine is getting backpay for her 3 children and they have all left school now but as her husband never paid anything towards their upbringing he now has to pay monthly.

tetti · 24/09/2007 20:44

600 pounds a month? Whoah!!!.I think all I'll be getting is 60 pound a month!

Tottie32 · 24/09/2007 20:49

i have 2 kids,

dd2 dad gives me £250. so thats £3000 out of his £25,000 wage...

dd1 hasnt seen her dad for 10 years and he has never given a penny

Tottie32 · 24/09/2007 20:51

single mum at my work gets £1500 for 3 kids... lucky lucky girl

allgonebellyup · 26/09/2007 15:50

but she is single mum with 3 kids to look after on her own - she aint that lucky

harman · 27/09/2007 11:45

Message withdrawn

wildpatch · 27/09/2007 11:49

so does thi smoney cover food, clothing, a roof over ther heads, electricity gas and running water?
i dont see how even 300 would cover all that. (am thinking off becoming a single mom, and need information)

harman · 27/09/2007 11:53

Message withdrawn

Tinkerbel5 · 27/09/2007 13:35

harman how old is your youngest is it possible for you to get a part time job to boost your income ?

Anna8888 · 27/09/2007 13:42

It's really variable and income dependent.

My partner pays out EUR 1500 per month in child maintenance, he pays for a full-time nanny and we buy nearly all clothes, haircuts, school canteen etc. And his ex-wife works and earns a lot.

chocolatemummy · 27/09/2007 13:45

my hsband doent pay anything at the moment for his child, all assessed through CSA, we used to pay £197 per months but since we had dd, our income has gone down and we pay £400 a month childcare we dont pay anything now.
When we did pay £197 a month she didn't get any of it anyway because she doesn't work and lives on benefits.

If she got a job I would be happy for us to give her some extra money each month

chocolatemummy · 27/09/2007 13:47

oh yes, we also paid all nursery fees when his son was at nursery, we buy all coats and shoes and half of school uniform and my husband paid her mortgage for first three years

theheadgirl · 27/09/2007 14:03

CSA says 15% for one child, 20% for 2, 25% for 3 - thats of net income.

IdreamofClooney · 27/09/2007 14:10

I have to ask my ex several times every month to get any money out of him. HE owes me hundreds of pounds as used his joint bank account card after we'd split up and withdrew all of the tax credit and child benefit from the joint account.

I have asked him for £350 a month as I pay over £500 nursery fees but he says that he cannot afford it.

I ususally get £250 a month out of him but it takes all month.

He spends all his money on booze and fags. Still thinks he;s superdad though as pays something and sees his son.

Sigh

wildpatch · 27/09/2007 14:14

threads like this that make me decide not to become a single parent.
i can barely get money out of dh at the moment. he owes me 235 pounds at the moment. and thats despite him paying mortgage, bills, online groceries etc.
its financial slavery.

Tinkerbel5 · 28/09/2007 10:45

wildpatch I hope you wouldnt stay with someone just for the sake of being short of money, there are lone parent benefits to be claimed

Tinkerbel5 · 28/09/2007 10:46

chocolatemummy does your partner not pay anything for his child then ?

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