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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Can I ask you all honestly how you'd feel if your ex started dating one of your friends

114 replies

nutcracker · 04/09/2007 20:48

Cos it doesn't matter how hard I try and how much I know I don't want him back, the thought of having to go to school every day and see her smug face looking at me, and to think of them not 2 seconds down the road playing happy families makes me wanna move to the other side of the world.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

nutcracker · 04/09/2007 22:08

Yeah I should I suppose but I haven't go that far yet.

It just hurts at the mo, actually pyhsically hurts which is odd.

Not sure I will be able to resist asking her how she likes being runner up soon.

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Original poster

nutcracker · 04/09/2007 22:09

I will try, and tbh in public I am quite good at putting on a front, I just hate even having to see her for 2 seconds never mind stand next to her in the playgrouhnd for 10 minutes.

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Original poster

nutcracker · 04/09/2007 22:10

Think I am gonna go have a bath and a couple of paain killers for my head otherwise I will be in no fit state for schol in the mrning and the last thing i want is for her to know she is getting to me.

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Tinkerbel5 · 05/09/2007 10:49

nutcracker whatever you do dont get into a bitch fest with her, it will give her satisfaction and also your ex will be over her like a rash to rub your face in it, sounds like they are both out to wind you up, the more you show it bothers you they more they will do it, she isnt a friend cause a good friend would not go with a friends ex. Your ex wants you back and you dont want him so you really have to move on, no playing games, if you are feeling like this then it does show that you are still holding strong feeling for him, you have to decide NOW if you want him back or not, from an outsider looking in if you didnt still love him you wouldnt be feeling how you do or starting threads about it.

you are pretty so dont waste any more time letting your ex drag you down, get yourself pampered, get a new hair cut and walk into school and go out shopping with an aura of confidence, I doubt very much you will stay single for long x

LIZS · 05/09/2007 10:56

nutty hope you feel better today. This is why the other thread was not a good idea - the inevitable low after the temporary euphoria You now know he thinks she's 2nd best, so it won't last as he is obviously just making do for now. Let her bask in her temporary shallow smugness but inwardly know the truth and focus your energies elsewhere. She'll get her comeuppance in time but sadly he'll probably find some other mug. Just make sure it isn't you !

crokky · 05/09/2007 11:00

nutcracker lots of the advice given here is really good. The situation you are in is extremely hurtful, but you must not display any of your hurt to your ex friend and you must not text her at all. Do not give her the satisfaction.

It will take a lot of time, but you will heal and eventually she will be the one left with your shitty XP. He is only playing at happy families, remember that.

expatinscotland · 05/09/2007 11:03

It would piss me off, tbh.

BUT in your case, you realise what a major loser she is - and him, too.

He's such a twat.

She's a dumb ass.

Carmenere · 05/09/2007 11:06

Nutty, this happened to me but pre dc's and about ten years ago. I can honestly say it is the most hurtful experience of my life. I was totally devastated and went seriously downhill for about a year
I am blushing because I shouldn't have wasted so much precious time in my life feeling hurt. I should have pulled myself up by my bra-straps much sooner and got on with life.
That experience cleaned out the deadwood from my life, a crap friend and a crap dp gone in one fell swoop. I couldn't see it for the blessing it was then but I can now.

They only lasted for about a year together and I have forgiven both of them. Life goes on, you will be a better person if you can deal with this without letting it destroy your emotions. And anyway, your dc's need you to be the strong and fab mum you are.
this too will pass,
x

Original poster

nutcracker · 05/09/2007 11:07

Have just spoken to him, he rang to see if ds went in on his first day ok.

He has said that he won't let me tell him who he can and can't see and that is fair enough, which is what I told him. He wants us to remain friends for the kids sake. I have told him that I will be civil with him for the kids sake, but I will never be his friend, he has treated me like shit and I won't ever forget that.

His girlfriend stood texting on her mobile and then looking and smirking at me every few seconds this morning, and I so want to either slap her, or ask her she likes being 2nd choice, but you are right, it will just play into her hands.

They really do deserve each other.

I hope to god that I do eventually meet someone else, because however desperate it sounds, I need it, I am crap at being alone.

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Original poster

nutcracker · 05/09/2007 11:09

I am shocked that it hurt me so much tbh, and i think this is making me feel worse, i just didn't expect it.

Your right, I have 3 dc's to look after and with a crap father they need me even more now and there is no way I will let them down because of him.

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expatinscotland · 05/09/2007 11:15

'He has said that he won't let me tell him who he can and can't see'

He's doing this just to spite you.

And she's dumb enough to buy it.

Any chance of moving?

expatinscotland · 05/09/2007 11:16

How many kids does this guy have now?

Is he working?

Doesn't sound like a prize catch - some 50-year-old unemployed chap.

Original poster

nutcracker · 05/09/2007 11:20

God if I could move expat i'd do it in a shot, i think it would give me almost instant relief tbh.

He has 5 kids all together now, 3 with me and 2 with his ex wife who also got rid of him no the other way around. His older kids are roughly 20 and 23 I think.

He still has no job no.

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Original poster

nutcracker · 05/09/2007 11:20

not the other way around

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expatinscotland · 05/09/2007 11:23

And she's dumb enough to date this guy knowing his last two partners kicked him out for being such a low life?

And he's unemployed as well?

It's hard to decide who's the bigger loser, her or him.

Original poster

nutcracker · 05/09/2007 11:24

They are both losers tbh. She has 2 kids with a druggy who now has no contact with them, and gets great joy from telling anyone who will listen that she only wants a bloke so that she can have another baby and not have to work for ages.

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expatinscotland · 05/09/2007 11:26

How does she figure on not having to work for ages if your ex is unemployed?

She sounds like a real winner!

And a complete waste of your time.

Original poster

nutcracker · 05/09/2007 11:27

Well if she has another baby the job centre won't hassle her for at least a few years about getting a job, so she will stay on IS and not working.

She has just got a job as a dinner lady at the school, but judging from her reation when someone asked her how her first day had gone, she won't be there long.

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LadyTophamHatt · 05/09/2007 17:57

Shes a complete fool to get involved with him. If she think she's good father material than she must be insane. You make 1000 x the parent he'll ever be.

lou33 · 05/09/2007 18:00

mt ex shagged one of my friends and i couldnt have cared less

you would only think she was smug if you felt you had something to lose nutty, and he sounds like atosser, so it's you who should be feeling smug that you got rid of him, and she picked up your sloppy seconds

Pinkchampagne · 05/09/2007 18:16

nutty - I typed out a long post on your other thread, but it had already been deleted. I wanted to say sorry if I upset you by advising you to try & hold your head up high, but saying that I totally understand how painful you may be finding this because I felt sick to the stomach when I found out my ex was doing whatever with a barmaid who also happened to be a parent at the school I worked, and I can imagine finding out it was a so called friend, would be far worse.

It is just that once I was over the shock, I suddenly found myself thinking "They are welcome to each other"
I then went out in the bar she worked, held my head up high & enjoyed my night, while she avoided serving me, and looked down every time she saw me!
It all gave me great satisfaction to be able to rise above, and that was why I recommended that approach - but that is not to say I didn't understand your pain, so I hope I didn't offend you.

Original poster

nutcracker · 06/09/2007 13:28

You definatly didn't offend me PC

I did speak to xp again last night and he again asked me if there was any chance at all, if he got a job, generally sorted himself out, would it help, said we could just date for as long as I like and everything would be on my terms.

I said no, nothing would help as it had gone too far now and I didn't want him back.

Only thing is, that even after everything, I am not sure I mean it which is obviously why him seeing this other woman has upset me so much.

I have come to far to go back, so I won't, but why after everything do I still have even the slightest feeling that I should ?

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fireflyfairy2 · 06/09/2007 13:41

You're getting on with your life, college, etc... let him slide on!!

You don't want him for him nutty, it's just some company & a bit of fun you need!!

Original poster

nutcracker · 06/09/2007 13:53

Yeah I know, it just sometimes feels like such a shame cos when we are both being nice we get on so well lol.

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macdoodle · 06/09/2007 13:58

Actually there is satisfaction in having the high ground - I can walk around our town with my head high and my bump large with people smiling and congratulating me - the OW on the other hand skulks about scurries away if she spots me and hasn't been seen about with her child at all - if I was her I would be embaressed her hot pursuit and purposeful pregnancy to trap a married man are well known and she should be thouroughly ashamed of herself!

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