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Original poster

Can I ask you all honestly how you'd feel if your ex started dating one of your friends

114 replies

nutcracker · 04/09/2007 20:48

Cos it doesn't matter how hard I try and how much I know I don't want him back, the thought of having to go to school every day and see her smug face looking at me, and to think of them not 2 seconds down the road playing happy families makes me wanna move to the other side of the world.

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Original poster
nutcracker · 06/09/2007 17:10

Thing is, I don't want to rock the boat.

At the mo dd is ok and knows to tell me if her dads gf's ds says anything to her relating to her dad. As far as I can tell dd is steering as clear from him as possible.

If the tables are done according to ability level like last year, then he won't be sat with dd anyway, which isn't meant to be a nasty comment, just a fact.

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NKF · 06/09/2007 17:15

The boat is rocked. And it's the sort of information that can help a teacher guage the dynamics between children.

lou33 · 06/09/2007 17:19

agree with nkf

Pinkchampagne · 06/09/2007 17:27

I agree that you should mention something to the school

Original poster
nutcracker · 06/09/2007 17:31

Hmm well according to Dd1 she kept staring at her and then looking away whilst dd was in the playground at lunchtime, and when dd1 told me this dd2 said she also gave her a dirty look too, when she was queuing up for lunch.

Thing is, as much as i love my kids, they do tend to exaggerate sometimes and they know I don't like her so am not sure if this is actually happening or they want me to think it is.

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Original poster
nutcracker · 06/09/2007 17:32

Who should I tell then ? Obviously i'd need to speak to the teacher about where dd2 sits, but who do I speak to about the fact that she is their dinner lady ? the head ?

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Original poster
nutcracker · 06/09/2007 17:36

God i hate this, my kids were so happy and settled in school, I liked the school, we pretty much fitted in and onw I feel like I am an outsider.

Tbh the head is a bit of a dragon anxd I don't think she will take anything I say seriously at all.

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LIZS · 06/09/2007 17:37

nutty you didn't turn your feelings off, he eroded them little by little with his lack of respect for you, every criticism , trying to control what you did and said and who to, his inertia and empty promises. Just because he isn't being like that towards you atm doesn't make things better.

Everything your family has is down to your initiative and drive, and that is what will get you through the tittle tattle and hurt. Maybe he'll do the same to her or drop her like a stone, but whatever happens you should keep your self respect. Do have a quiet word with the teacher , you have nothing to be embarrassed about and it may nip any nastiness in the bud.

Pinkchampagne · 06/09/2007 17:37

You could have a quiet word with the class teacher, and she/he should then be able to pass the info on to a member of the senior management team if necessary.
best let someone at school know of the situation, incase it starts to effect the children.

Original poster
nutcracker · 06/09/2007 17:40

Dd2's teacher would be a bloke this year wouldn't it, can't see him being very sympathetic.

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NKF · 06/09/2007 17:41

I think you should tell the teacher about the split and that the new partner works as a dinner lady in the school and that her child is in your daughter's class. No bad mouthing, just stressing that it's an uncomfortable situation for all concerned and that you think they should know about it.

LIZS · 06/09/2007 17:42

Can you write to the head ? Bring the background and potential conflict of interest to his/her attention and say that you would like relevant teaching staff to be aware.

NKF · 06/09/2007 17:43

You could ask if you should then write to the head. It may not be necessary but asking the question should make the teacher take it up with senior management. That's what I would do. Other people might say write to the head. But I think it's more important the teacher knows.

Original poster
nutcracker · 06/09/2007 17:44

I think writing to the head might be a better option, as tbh the teachers don't seem to make the head aware of things until they think it is really needed, and as you say, I would like all 3 dc's teachers to be aware of it just incase.

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NKF · 06/09/2007 17:45

Sorry, I didn't realise there were three children at the school.

Original poster
nutcracker · 06/09/2007 17:48

Yep Dd1 is in yr 5 and Dd2 in yr 3 (in her ds's class), and my ds has just started reception.

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Original poster
nutcracker · 06/09/2007 17:50

Obviously ds is pretty unaware of whats gone on and still says hello to her, and i don't stop him as I don't want to be the one causing the scene.

Dd2 seems most stressed out by it tbh, and panicks a bit when she comes into the playground.

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NKF · 06/09/2007 17:52

Is there only one class per year?

Original poster
nutcracker · 06/09/2007 17:53

There are two, but dd2 would be devestated to have to move to the other class as she was ecstatic when she found out who her teacher was this year, and tbh I don't see why she should be the one to move.

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NKF · 06/09/2007 18:33

I don't know what the school should do for the best but I'm sure the teachers should know.

HonoriaGlossop · 06/09/2007 19:11

agree with NKF. If your dd is aware and is stressed by this during the school day, that's something the teachers need to know about - they can't help and support her if they don't know. If they don't know, she's left on her own to deal with it, isn't she...

Original poster
nutcracker · 06/09/2007 19:20

I will either speak to dd2's teacher tommorow, or write to the head, haven't decided which yet.

I am worried though that if xp's girlfriend gets wind of it for whatever reason it is going to make things worse.

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Pinkchampagne · 06/09/2007 22:35

Might be best to have a discreet word with one of your children's teachers, and then they can inform a member of the senior management team (not necessarily the head, it could be head of KS1/2, or a SENCO or deputy) if needed.
Think you definitely need to have a quiet word though.
Good luck.

Original poster
nutcracker · 07/09/2007 07:17

Thanks, am in a complete mess again this morning. Xp was meant to ring the kids around 6pm last night and he didn't.

After they had gone to bed, I tried ringing him to see what his excuse was, and his phone was switched off, and stayed switched off, so am pretty sure where he was, and obviously didn't want to be distrubed.

So, a promise to your kids that you will ring them VS seeing your new slapper of a girlfriend = no contest obviously.

I swear to god, that if her ds tells dd2 today that her daddy was at his last night, I'm not sure I will be able to stop myself breaking her neck.

Feel so shite, have hardely slept and can't eat I feel so sick.

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bonkerz · 07/09/2007 07:21

my ex partner chucked me and ds out when ds was 10 weeks old. He then moved in my 'best friend' and her son!
I felt angry, disgusted, upset and for 2 years i had to watch her being smug and listen to her kids call DS dad daddy. They got married and had a kid and in all this time he refused to see ds. EVENTUALLY after 4 years he had an affair on her too and now he is living back at home, she has his house and wont let him see his kid! What goes around comes around! They will get whats coming to them. Sit back and wait for that day cos i can honestly say its a good feeling!