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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Dd2 wants to know why daddy hasn't rung her and when he is going to ring her, what the hell do i tell her ?

81 replies

nutcracker · 19/08/2007 21:26

He normally rings them on a sunday but hasn't for the past 2 weeks.

He hasn't rung because I told him he couldn't ring or visit again unless things were sorted properly (ie access arrangements made through a soliciter) and I said it for a good reason.

Tbh I thought he would still ring them, or at least ring me to try and talk me round, as thats what he has done in the past, but in the past he didn't have a new girlfriend and her kids to occupy his time.

Anyway what do I say to the kids ?? When dd2 asked me today, said honestly, that I didn't know when he would ring them, and she didn't mention it again, but obviously it is playing on her mind.

What shall I say/do ?

OP posts:

kidsrus · 19/08/2007 21:31

why not allow them to ring him and explain you were cross with him and asked him not to ring but you don't mind them ringing him if they want to.
Adults are allowed to be cross with each other.

MamaMaiasaura · 19/08/2007 21:38

i think you should ring him and say on reflection that your children miss speaking to him and would he be ok to call or have them call him. Is hard when x's are being a total arse (I am not with ds's dad) but obv dd2 is missing him and if you really dont mind them speaking on the phone then i think you should swallow pride and speak to your exp p. Write everything out you want to say first so you dont get over emotional. hth

Original poster

nutcracker · 19/08/2007 21:40

I don't mind him speaking to them so have no problem ringing him and saying that, however I do feel that I need to stick to my guns regarding the visits as he is just constantly messing them about.

So shall I ring and say he can ring them, but that I still want him to sort out proper access ??

If it isn't done properly we will be back here agin in another few months.

OP posts:

MerlinsBeard · 19/08/2007 21:41

can you ring him tonight and ask if he willring them tomorrow? or if they can ring him? would he respond to that?

Original poster

nutcracker · 19/08/2007 21:42

He will have to ring them as tbh I really cannot afford for them to ring him as he only has a mobile phone and they tend to be on for a while.

OP posts:

southeastastra · 19/08/2007 21:43

that's mean of him, ring him yourself and tell him!

turquoisenights · 19/08/2007 21:51

agree with southeastastra.

pirategirl · 19/08/2007 22:01

sorry i think he should be adult enough to call anyway.

Surfermum · 19/08/2007 22:06

But he's been asked not to ring. He might be a right twat, but at least at the moment he's respecting what Nutty has asked. I think you will have to make the first move Nutty.

kidsrus · 19/08/2007 22:06

what about a 2 ring signal then wait for him to ring back then he is ringing on your terms and continue with your fight for rights.

MamaMaiasaura · 19/08/2007 22:10

ditto surfermum.

Original poster

nutcracker · 20/08/2007 00:59

Sorry I got side tracked.

I rang him, he is going to ring them tommorow, but have told him he isn't allowed to see them yet.

Tbh from things he has said tonight, he doesn't deserve to have kids.

Yet again he has been 2 min down the road from them all week, and has credit on his mobile, yet he couldn't even ring me to try and sort things out.

He reckons he was going to ring, I know that if I hadn't he never would.

Oh have also learnt that my neighbours have been spying on me and pasing info back to xp's family and they in turn have been passing it to him.
If I could pack up and move right now, I would.

OP posts:

Original poster

nutcracker · 20/08/2007 08:38

I spoke to him for 2 hours in the end last night, he wanted to explain stuff to me, so I let him, and then I explained a whole load of stuff to him, and he actually cried at one point because he said I had got him all wrong.

I'd love to think I had him all wrong, but I know I haven't.

He still doesn't think his new relationship or 'friendship' as he insisted on calling it will effect his relationship with his kids, or effect their lives at all, he really can't see that poor dd2 will be devestated to have to sit in her class in sept and listen to another child tell her how much time they have spent with her daddy over the summer, whilst dd2 has seen him twice.

He has landed on his feet yet again, he has met someone who is stupid enough to take him on and I know now that he will never maintain regular contact with our kids as it will interfer with his new relationship.

Basically my life is then well and truly buggered. The ocasional night off, or even hour off that I thought I might eventually get, is never gonna happen thanks to him, and I'm sure he loves that.

I hardley slept a wink last night, just kept on going over and over things in my head and now have an overwhelming feeling of sadness and loneliness.

Not sure why I am posting this either, just need to get it off my chest.

OP posts:

Tinkerbel5 · 20/08/2007 10:41

dont agree nutcracker, your life isnt buggered as you have children that dote on you, you are just going though a temporary hard time due to your ex and his family, hopefully that will pass and you can get on with your life and find some enjoyment from it

expatinscotland · 20/08/2007 10:43

There's a special place in hell for your ex, nutty .

Original poster

nutcracker · 20/08/2007 15:23

Hope so Expat.

IMO my life is pretty stuffed, I am struggling with every single aspect of my life at the moment and I can't see that changing for the forseeable future.

The thought of no break from the kids indefinatly, makes me want to jump off the roof. My mum is great and helps me as much as she can, but she will only have the kids 2 at a time mostly and definatly cannot have them overnight at hers as there is no room, so basically I won't ever have a social life at all.

One of the reasons I split with xp was because he hated me having any kind of life outside of the home, and I still don't now.

OP posts:

Original poster

nutcracker · 20/08/2007 15:28

Oh and when we got off the bus today, xp's new girlfriend was just coming out of her flat. Now today xp wasn't with her as he is at a funeral, but any other day he would have been there and my kids would have to walk past their own father going out for a stroll to the shops with her and her kids when he couldn't give a toss about coming to see them.

I don't think I can live like that. I fought so hard to get this house and I like living here but now my neighbours are spying on me and half of the estate knows about my life and everything going on in it and my kids have got to live knowing that their dad is up the road but can't be arsed to see them.

No way .

OP posts:

turquoisenights · 20/08/2007 16:03

it is a very hard situation, i agree with you nutcracker.
living so close will be hard.
i feel that he is trying to annoy you, to get to you, by using the kids which is very unfair.
one thing you can do- you can do but i'm not sure yr kids will be able to do- to avoid him, no contact at all, because he will always play on it, it will never change, he doesnt seem to be a good person, and i dont think he will change.
if you cant do this, you can move to a different area to save your sanity.
i wish you good luck and all the best.
and another thing is being with your children, having an innocent, unconditonal between you and your children will be something he will never have.
you will have social life as the kids grow up, and i am sure you will meet someone else far better than your ex.
try to think positive. xxx

turquoisenights · 20/08/2007 16:05

sorry, it should be:unconditonal love between you and your children

Original poster

nutcracker · 20/08/2007 16:15

I don't want tomove, but I really can't see how I can live here with all of that going on.

He has admitted that neither himself nor her gave how this would effect our kids any thought at all.

The kids could be in a position where their dad turns up at school to collect his girlfriends kids, when they could counton one hand how many times he has collected them.

I am going to make enquires into moving, but I don't think it will be very straightforward tbh.

OP posts:

Original poster

nutcracker · 20/08/2007 16:16

gave any thought that should say

OP posts:

pirategirl · 20/08/2007 17:19

well, if its not goingto get any easier, as time goes by for you to see him, with her, with her children, nearly everytime you step out the door, or at least there is the possibility, then perhaps moving would be of benefit.

its not me, but if it were, I would honestly hate to see my ex playing happy families on my doorstep, and I would really hate my children to feel pushed out, by the fact its all goingto be up the road.

I can't reember what you home situation was. I live in a housing association place, and i would prob look into swaps and such.

I can't stand living 40 mins away from mine, so i canhonestly see how u would be feeling. Yes you might well be able to get over some of this, but realisticly I think its not goingto help if its always there for you to see.

If you can, move, let yourself breath again, esp with your nosey neighbours. Ok so some would say, why should you have to, but its not the point, its the positives that would outweigh the current situation.

FioFio · 20/08/2007 17:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

nutcracker · 20/08/2007 17:38

Yeah I am in a HA house PG and am actually technically under occupying, which might help get me a move as 4 beds in this area are hard to come by. Onyl prblem is, this area is the best that my HA offer.

Fio - They have been reporting on who visits me mainly. They passed a message to xp's neice who passed it to xp's sister who passed it to xp, basically to tell him that there is a red car very often parked on the drive.

The car belongs to my brother, which xp knows and apparently told them so, but it's really not the point is it.

I have just placed an ad on a housing exchange site, so will see how I go. I have asked for local areas but not this estate.

Tbh I wish I had the guts to move alot further away.

OP posts:

Original poster

nutcracker · 20/08/2007 17:40

Actually quite fancy Kent Fio

OP posts:

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