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Lone parents

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Original poster

Toddler's first haircut -- without my consent :-(

78 replies

Melody1234 · 31/12/2018 06:05

My little boy is 2.5 and I split from my ex when he was 1. One thing we both agreed on was that both parents should agree to any haircuts etc.

My son was with him and his family over Christmas and just got back to me today. His hair has been cut.

Left pic from 2 weeks ago. Right pic is this morning. I am SO upset...

Toddler's first haircut -- without my consent :-(

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

RunningFeisty · 31/12/2018 06:08

It will grow back. It's not ideal but it's also not the end of the world.

Happilyacceptingcookies · 31/12/2018 06:10

I'm angry on your behalf. You both agreed that you would have to agree on it. Ex and how family obviously have no respect for your agreement and have taken it upon themselves to change your son's appearance. They are disgusting. I have no solution but wiser people than me will post something soon.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 31/12/2018 06:11

I'm going to be honest, the cut looks much tidier and presentable. The left looks a bit uneven and in need of a cut.

If it was anyone other than a parent, I'd agree with you, but if his dad wants to get it trimmed then he can.

katykins85 · 31/12/2018 06:12

I'm afraid he really doesn't need your consent, your ex can make his own parenting decisions when he has his son, just as you do. Its not the end of the world.

redyawn · 31/12/2018 06:16

It's only a haircut, OP. Save your energies for things that really matter.

Just remember - Hair grows quickly.

Happy New Year!

fakeplasticbush · 31/12/2018 06:17

This is a tricky one. I've seen threads like this and was expecting this to be an interfering granny who had diy'd an awful fringe.

Honestly, subjectively, it just looks like he's had one long ringlet tidied up and not a drastic restyle. It does probably look tidier in as much as we can tell from the back. My guess would be because his dad or family members thought it looked "girly" (perhaps pressure from older members of his family?) and that's a whole different argument to be had.

But irrespective of this, if your ex and you had previously discussed that hair was to be a joint decision (seems an odd thing to have been so specific about to me but I've not been in your situation) then he should have abided by that agreement so he is in the wrong.

AllStar14 · 31/12/2018 06:18

Really? It's just a trim ffs.

Tiredeyes21 · 31/12/2018 06:18

I think the haircut looks good and was much needed. It’s not crazy short either so looks like ex put some thought into it.
Not the most ideal situation but I’d save your energy to be honest

MarinaMarinara · 31/12/2018 06:19

While I can see that is annoying and upsetting for you when you agreed otherwise, the second pic does look better. Looking at it all pretty much all they did was trim off the weird uneven mullety bit, still tons of hair left.

ChristmasFlary · 31/12/2018 06:26

I agree that the second picture looks much neater. The first photo looks like he has one long bit which looks odd.

Iputthescrewinthetuna · 31/12/2018 06:30

First hair cut I would have been upset, not angry, but upset!
I'm a very sentimental person and would have wanted to be there for it.
However, at the same time, there will be plenty of firsts your ex would be missing.
I would let this go. I am afraid this is life with split parents. It isn't always easy, but really you should pick your arguments/disagreements. Don't mention it, just say it looks nice and move on.

ChristmasFlary · 31/12/2018 06:30

I also can't see much difference apart from the one long bit being gone. If he'd shaved it off then l would have been angry!

I think this is more to do with this being a "first" and you not being apart of it, which l totally understand.

FabulouslyFab · 31/12/2018 06:30

Seems strange to have agreed ‘haircuts’ when he has never had one? Has Dad raised this before? It looks much better now and will grow again. Perhaps you need to keep it looking neat rather than random hair growing? My GD has extremely long hair at 5 but does have it trimmed regularly.

Waitingonasmiley42 · 31/12/2018 06:35

Tiny trim and looks much better!

DontPanic42 · 31/12/2018 06:36

I would be upset too, it was very nice and I would definitely bring it up with your exe. However I agree with PP that it will grow back and you have to decide if this is a battle worth fighting, i doubt it is, I think there will be bigger things to come that will be worth saving your energy for.

DontPanic42 · 31/12/2018 06:37

Wasn't very nice*

Gina2012 · 31/12/2018 06:37

It's a hair cut and post cut looks way better - could do with a bit more off, but you can sort that @Melody1234

FestiveNut · 31/12/2018 06:38

Did you want to keep the first curl? Is that why you're upset?

Birdie6 · 31/12/2018 06:42

It's hair - it'll grow back. I'd say, pick your battles - you're going to have much more important disagreements with ex than this one over a hair trim.

Original poster

Melody1234 · 31/12/2018 06:42

Hi everyone,

Thanks for all the replies. I appreciate them.

We did agree that haircuts would have to be agreed by both sides, because it was something that meant a lot to me. I have seen small children's appearance change dramatically after their first haircut, to the point that you'd do a double take to see if it really is who you thought it was, and I didn't want something like that happening with my own son without me being prepared for it.

The choice of haircut, or decision whether he needed a haircut or not, isn't really what has upset me, so much as not being consulted or even informed, when it was previously agreed and he knows that it is something that is important to me. My son was dropped off at childcare this morning and when I collected him, I saw for myself that he had had his hair cut.

If we hadn't had the previous agreement, I agree I would have no right to be upset...

OP posts:

HugeAckmansWife · 31/12/2018 07:08

I agree with pp that it's likely his family have made comments and he didn't want to say he'd have to 'ask' for permission. He may well have agreed with them that it was needed. As others have said, he hasn't drastically changed anything so you could say you are a little upset he didn't tell you but I'd not pick a massive fight over this if he is otherwise a decent Co parent

Starlight456 · 31/12/2018 11:01

Pick your battles

Heratnumber7 · 31/12/2018 11:12

a) it's only hair
b) it will grow back
c) it looks much better

Is this your first/only child OP?

DelphiniumBlue · 31/12/2018 11:17

Have you spoken to the father yet?
He could at least have prepared you, but have a chat with him to find out why he broke the agreement and why he didn't mention it to you. Don't jump down his throat till you know what happened.

CrispbuttyNo1 · 31/12/2018 11:20

Seriously.. it’s a small trim, barely looks any different apart from tidier. If they had shaved it off then you would have a point but really, it’s not a big deal.

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