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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Toddler's first haircut -- without my consent :-(

78 replies

Melody1234 · 31/12/2018 06:05

My little boy is 2.5 and I split from my ex when he was 1. One thing we both agreed on was that both parents should agree to any haircuts etc.

My son was with him and his family over Christmas and just got back to me today. His hair has been cut.

Left pic from 2 weeks ago. Right pic is this morning. I am SO upset...

Toddler's first haircut -- without my consent :-(

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 31/12/2018 23:11

I can't believe a lot of people would be ok with there child having there first hair cut without mother's attendance or permission..
I would be fuming!

My DH took DD for her first hair cut alone.

It need tidying and the appointment we could get at the salon was while I was busy.

It's no big deal and she looked lovely and presentable when she got home. It doesn't require to parents to cut a child's hair.

Bleurgh0 · 31/12/2018 23:24

I would be livid if my DH took our kids for their first haircut without agreeing this with me. Similarly, I would agree it with him.

I'd ring/text and say you assume he kept a lock of hair for you to put in a memory box. He can drop it off at his convenience. See what his response to that is!

Bigonesmallone3 · 01/01/2019 02:59

@CandyCreeper
Of course but they do, but if a prior agreement was made not to go get the child's hair cut then surely that parent should then 'seek permission'

Original poster

Melody1234 · 01/01/2019 10:55

Thanks everyone for your responses, I appreciate it. It's useful to hear different perspectives on this, especially when I was so emotional.

A lot of the responses talk about the haircut being good -- the picture doesn't really show very well that actually it's very uneven at the back (right side of neck is very short around 1cm long, left side is easily 3cm longer than that), they've left weird long curls around his ears that are longer than any of the rest of his hair, and the bits at the front that are starting to get in his eyes and could do with a trim, have not been touched at all. It's a home-made job and not a good one. But as previous posters (and my partner) have said, this can be addressed with a tidy up.

The thing that made me upset was that his hair was cut without consulting me or even informing me, when we had an agreement that cutting hair would be a joint decision. Apart from that arrangement, the fact that LO's hair is exactly like mine (while they all have brown straight hair -- and have commented in my presence before that he doesn't look like he's part of the family with his blonde curls), and that I try to avoid gender stereotypes that long hair is only for girls etc, means I know that ex and his family were not oblivious to how much this means to me.

To those who asked about keeping a lock of hair: it would mean the world to me to have that curl, or even half of it, and I am quite certain it will be in his mum's possession and I'll never see it.

OP posts:

MarinaMarinara · 01/01/2019 14:20

Oh they don’t sound nice OP fingers crossed they behave uncharacteristically better than usual and hand it over.

MissFitton · 01/01/2019 14:27

It could have been much worse - my ex-H decided the dcs needed a haircut (despite me mentioning that we had an appointment booked later that week) and to took it upon himself to cut their hair himself. He is not a hairdresser and, it turns out, isn't a natural at it either.

Both dcs looked terrible and had the piss taken out of them at school and I had to get and emergency appointment with my brilliant hairdresser who managed to tidy it up. Stern words were had with Ex-H and thankfully he's not tried it again.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 01/01/2019 15:15

OP. It's nice that you both agreed to that and to be consulted, but surely that can't be an ongoing thing for the whole kids life?

I men's what a faff having to discuss a haircut everytime.

2019rubberband · 01/01/2019 15:19

I can't believe a lot of people would be ok with there child having there first hair cut without mother's attendance or permission..

'Attendance' it's a haircut not a ticketed event!

'Permission' I have taken my DC's for plenty haircuts. So has DH. We have never asked each other for permission. How pathetic.

PoutySprout · 01/01/2019 15:20

Could you ask your ex to send back the rest of your son?

Maryjoyce · 01/01/2019 15:21

From a girl to a boy looks fine

Bigonesmallone3 · 01/01/2019 16:16

*We have never asked each other for permission
*
From ur post u and DH are still together and have never agreed BOTH parents SHOULD be at a hair cut?

2019rubberband · 01/01/2019 16:28

From ur post u and DH are still together and have never agreed BOTH parents SHOULD be at a hair cut?

Of course we haven't. Because it's utterly bizarre. We haven't discussed it at all. If a DC needs a haircut then available parent just takes them.

The idea that mothers must be in 'attendance' amuses me tbh.

Bigonesmallone3 · 01/01/2019 16:44

I never said mothers should be in attendance 🤔

If u have an agreement with someone, anyone and u change ur mind then the least u should do is check in no?

Just for the sake of a quiet life 🤷‍♀️

2019rubberband · 01/01/2019 16:46

never said mothers should be in attendance
No, but you responded to my post, part of which was just that.

Bigonesmallone3 · 01/01/2019 16:49

Omg 🤦‍♀️ each to there own obviously..
In this case OP and X agreed they would both be there!

MadameButterface · 01/01/2019 16:53

“From a girl to a boy looks fine”

The 50s called they want their stereotypes back

I agree it looks fine and better but long hair doesn’t equal girl nor does short hair equal boy. Really daft comment to make

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 01/01/2019 16:55

It's only a haircut. My DH took DS for his first haircut on a whim cos it looked messy and he's had all others at nursery.....it's not a big deal and one less job for me to do.

RandomMess · 01/01/2019 16:58

Very upsetting that they've just lopped away and left a mess as well as no first lock for you to keep

I would keep it trimmed and tidy whilst it grows long again.

It is unreasonable of your ex to have done this bearing in mind the agreement you had.

Youbrokemytwatometer · 01/01/2019 17:20

@Maryjoyce what a nasty person you seem to be.

2019rubberband · 01/01/2019 17:22

From a girl to a boy looks fine

You do know hair has no gender?

mabelstanley · 01/01/2019 19:11

It looks nice and will grow more evenly now.

But I can see why you're angry about not being asked first.

CatnissEverdene · 01/01/2019 19:15

I'd be really upset, OP. Can you send a text to your ex to say you were very shocked when you collected him from nursery, and you thought you'd both agreed that things like this were a joint decision. His first haircut was a milestone, and one you've missed out on.

ReaganSomerset · 01/01/2019 23:17

@MaryJoyce

From a girl to a boy looks fine

Really? Little boys have worn their hair long for centuries, and even if they hadn't, it would still be ridiculous to suggest that someone's sex or gender can be determined by their hairstyle.

slappinthebass · 01/01/2019 23:34

I'd be gutted/furious too. Is your ex remorseful for going back on your agreement? If so can you insist he get the curl back to try and make amends? Tell her you have a first curl box waiting for it and that is why you were waiting for his first hair cut, even if not the truth. I have a long haired toddler too and would be so upset if someone else took him for his first haircut without me knowing. It could be worse I suppose, at least they haven't shaved it!

Nonomore3 · 01/01/2019 23:48

I have seen my best friend have this very argument. The son was only with his dad every other weekend. The father struggled with how little he got to see his son but my friend insisted it was better for the child to be with her most of the time. My friend, I don’t think appreciates how lucky she is to have her son with her so much and make so many decisions and share so many things with him. She sees so many of his ‘firsts’.

But She complained about missing his first haircut, his first trip to the cinema and his first ice cream.
The more she complained the more the ex shut down and resented her.
But she is with her son 80% of the time. Her ex couldn’t complain about all the stuff he misses out on every day. He finally stopped being so open with her and started to assert his ‘rights’. It really soured their relationship.
I can imagine it is hard but I would choose my battles carefully.

Maybe I missed it but do you share 50:50 care of your boy with your ex?

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