How does everyone cope?

[ibicus]

I'm so lonely and I just feel like I can't cope and I can't do anything at all and I'm so tired all the time and I have no friends and I feel like I need help. How do other single parent manage? I've only got 1dd and she's 6 months old but I just feel like everything's impossible and I don't have the energy to do anything and I'm not depressed I'm just on a constant low. It doesn't get worse or better. I've been to baby groups but I can't seem to click with anyone and people I know that are my own age are so flakey and don't understand. How how how do you cope? Please don't be mean I can't deal with it.

That's a very difficult situation ibicus. Sounds like you are doing really well under the circumstances. I'm no good at advice but wanted to say that I hope things get easier soon. X

Oh bless you this is me with my dd1. The tiredness is normal. You are doing a two person job . You are amazing. The parenting gets less exhausting and more fun as your little one grows. Soon she will be your best friend! My advice is do persevere with the groups as sooner or later you will likely meet someone you do get on with and I found having friends in similar circumstances especially when lo becomes a toddler made my life a million times better. Be brave, invite one for coffee. People can surprise you. Sending you hugs and reassurances it does become easier and more fun! X

💕

Good luck for college OP I think that’s really great. I think it’s normal to feel overwhelmed but you will get through it, keep thinking positively and you’ll get through it. I’d also recommend continuing to go to the groups as it gets you out and about and maybe you’ll get with some of the other parents the more you go.

I’m 4 months pregnant and am facing lone parenthood (unless I buckle and take ex back but I’m strong so far). I expect it’ll be very difficult for me but I’m going to throw myself into groups, meet ups etc to gain as much support as I can.

We are all here for you if you need anything OP.

Hi OP 👋 I’m a First time mum with a 6 month old and I’m not a lone parent so don’t have anything useful to say but just wanted to say I’m shattered with my husband helping so kudos to you. I have social anxiety too and I’ve not found any mums I’ve really clicked with and find that classes are good thing for me and my daughter to do but actually just meeting up for a cuppa at a playgroup with people you wouldn’t really chose to be friends (even though there’s nothing wrong with them) with to be quite hard work and isolating in its own way. I met up with some old friends recently and remembered how nice it is to just to be with people you like. Having set things to go to helps me: sensory and swimming and things on at the library. I’m aware that costs money though. Loads of walks and listen to something on earphones whilst walking if she falls asleep. I think just wandering through museums and stuff with baby in carrier is quite nice if you’re anxious: no pressure to chat etc but you’re in a bit of hustle and bustle and babies like staring at everything going on. I too have found it to be more relentless at this 6 month mark: they’re so much more alert and wanting to be entertained ALL THE TIME and napping much less. She’s always been fast wee feeder so the tales of bf’ing meaning hours snuggled on couch watching Netflix whilst they cluster feed has never come up pass dammit! Sounds to me like it’s hard work to start with and you’re 17 and on your own and still fucking ace-ing this

I was just turned 18 when I had my first and I think I felt extra pressure to do everything better to prove people wrong (but they prob didn’t care)
I also found it hard to make friends - the mums at tots were all a good bit older (though I eventually met my now best mate at tots...15 years ago!) I focused on getting out for a walk daily and tried to prep food in advance and freeze so I could eat well without effort on most days.

Having your goals in mind is a brilliant- I think my perspective got a bit skewed because I only really focused on the baby and me (I was depressed though) Once I went back to work after mat leave, I felt much better (though v v tired!) and after a year I started a degree as well, which increased my social circle with people with similar interests. Though I’ve never experienced tiredness like it (except those v early newborn days)

Sorry no real advice but you sound v sensible to me!

Thanks for all the support ❤️

It does get easier, really it does.

I’ve found MN a great support when I’ve needed it. Made some RL friends from a MN meet up.

It’s a start

Ibicus you sound like you're doing amazingly - being a single parent is already so hard and so is being 17! What support do you have? From parents, your ex (or his family), or do you have other friends or groups?

I'd strongly suggest talking to your HV about what is available for you, and definitely look for young mum groups in your area - not that there's any reason you cant be friends with older mums too, but sometimes it's nice to talk to someone in the same situation. Church baby groups are not expensive - a few pounds including tea and some snacks - and if you are skint the organisers will often be fine with you giving what you can when you can. There are also other mothers you can meet there who can provide support if you don't have much else in RL.

Also agree on the iron, I was deficient after DD2 and felt like a new person once I'd been treated!